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AIBU?

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Fabvegetablegrower · 12/10/2018 20:45

You could always walk there yourself and get the Uber back with her?

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:46

I've had the best, funniest conversations picking up my daughter. It's precisely because she'll be gone to uni and flying the nest in short order, that I want to enjoy these moments with her and be there for her while she actively wants me around. She's capable, she's independent, I have confidence in her abilities, but good lord, I'll take a late night and dip out on the wine for that

X 100 on that one!!

ReadWriteDraw · 12/10/2018 20:46

Thing is about teenagers is that you don’t really get to sleep until they’re home so you may as well pick them up as you hardly get to have a blissful early night!

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:48

If my OH - or any family member was at a social engagement and needed a lift home- I would do that without a moment's thought.

He would do the same for me.

Our teens are part of the family- we all get the same treatment and respect.

Cobrider · 12/10/2018 20:48

I would just book her a cab, I have three older teens and would be spending every night of the week doing pick ups if cabs weren’t used. It doesn’t have to be an Uber.

Parents are allowed to have an evening off once in a while and shouldn’t be guilt tripped in to not having a glass of wine at the end of the week.

HRTpatch · 12/10/2018 20:49

Mine are 22 and 19 and I never picked them up. Or stayed up till they got in.
This was SW London. They had uber accounts or got public transport

buscaution · 12/10/2018 20:51

I'm guessing it's because you live in London that it would take 10 minutes to drive a mile.

I live in a small town and DD who is 17 would walk the mile home in just a little over the 10 minutes it would take yours to get home in an Uber.

That said, I always pick up from parties. I couldn't relax until they were home safe and logically to me, I am the one person who can get them home safe.

Inniu · 12/10/2018 20:51

I always pick up or arrange leave for shares with other parents for my teens.

tessica2 · 12/10/2018 20:51

If other parents are collecting would they not be happy to drop off? When I used to go out parents would take it in turns which meant a longer drive when it was their turn but other times night off whilst knowing we were all safe

Fairylea · 12/10/2018 20:51

I think paying for her boyfriend and her to share a taxi and then for the taxi to take him home is more than reasonable. I have a teenage daughter and would be very happy with that.

I grew up in a rough area of South London and I cringe when I think of some of the ways I got home - walking back from a pub on my own at 4am, getting a lift in random taxis from train stations, having people I sort of knew from bars walk me home when I was drunk etc (all aged 16/18). It amazes me nothing ever happened to me. And I thank god it didn’t. But I also think it goes to show the world isn’t as full of complete psychos and weirdos as we think it is. Everyone was always very pleasant and nice to me, and looked out for me.

Saying that, I wouldn’t let my dd do any of those things! My mum didn’t know I did them either however!

SchoolPanicTime · 12/10/2018 20:51

Things must have changed dramatically since I was 17. No one was ever collected (it would have been embarrassing) we just walked (and would make sure no one who wasn't confident doing so walked alone).

Petitepamplemousse · 12/10/2018 20:52

OK fine some parents don’t mind picking up their kids at all hours of the night. But some do! And that’s OK and pre booking a cab is perfectly reasonable. My mum and dad often wanted to be able to socialise with their own friends on a Saturday night so they would pre-book us a taxi from a trusted company and pay for it instead of picking us up. It was always appreciated and is still a way of taking care of your kids’ safety. OP is not being U.

gfk62 · 12/10/2018 20:52

Our teens are getting mollycoddled!!!. I have 2 girls (now in their 20's,) at 16+ they would always plan their journeys home either with a friend or parents would take turn and do lift shares if public transport not feasible. They knew not to expect me to do it everytime !! Our teens need to be street aware and be taught sensible precautions in letting people know their travel arrangements and if necessary sending photos of cab driver / licence plate. Our young people go off to uni at 18 with no common sense, no thoughts of personal responsibility and no street sense if we do not teach them to be aware at age 16/17. Our kids can't travel alone, but no doubt drink alcohol at parties and can, if they chose, have sex legally, ridiculous !!!

ThisIsTheNational · 12/10/2018 20:52

Your suggestion is both reasonable and generous.

SchoolPanicTime · 12/10/2018 20:52

Since you live so close it also sounds very inefficient for every single parent to be up waiting until 11:30 to drive their child a mile home - surely they can lift share.

theworldistoosmall · 12/10/2018 20:55

Was thinking I was alone then HRT.

Why should the op pick her up when she has given her other options? Ok so the DD doesn't want an Uber, there are other cab options.

And the way things are these days, what does that mean?

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 12/10/2018 20:56

speakout yes, three.

And yes, I have done my fair share of lifts too and fro, early and late, but I do not expect to be taken for granted, and do not think the OP is the one being unreasonable here.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 12/10/2018 20:57

Being allowed to get a taxi home from a party rather than a lift with my parents was my dream as a teenager

I think at 17 she needs to start making her own way home, when she's going clubbing you can't be picking her up. I got taxis home at 18 when I went out clubbing all the time, and she could be off to uni next year and things. Having said that if she is genuinely worried about it I think I would pick her up, with the idea that she will move towards making her own way home from parties

Dazedandconfused1988 · 12/10/2018 21:00

I’m from London, and my parents moved to the middle of Devon moorland when I was a teen.
I went out a lot in both London and Devon as a teen, and was more than happy going from okehampton to Exeter or Plymouth alone at all hours.
In London it was a totally different story. I wouldn’t want to be on my own.
My 27 year old sister still phones me when she’s walking home in the dark alone.
Without wanting to scaremonger you, I was both groped in a minicab, and had a guy lock the doors and tell me I should suck his cock.
I would feel safer walking.
I think I would just go and get her. I can see her fear.

theworldistoosmall · 12/10/2018 21:01

Exactly and next year will the op have to wait up until 4 am to go and collect her dd from whatever club?
What if the op wasn't able to drive then what would her dd do? Oh, yea take one of the alternative options.

greenlynx · 12/10/2018 21:01

I would definitely go and pick her up. That way, I know she’ll get home safely.
^ This
And I was never picked up by my parents, usually used a bus.

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2018 21:02

So explain to me again why sharing an Uber with her boyfriend is such a bad idea. Is it becsuse the driver might assault her, or her boyfriend or what?

Maybe she should just stay home and be safe.

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user1489679054 · 12/10/2018 21:06

I have a 17 year old daughter and no way would I want her in an uber alone late at night. I would go and get her- or share lifts with another parent. The boyfriend in an Uber would be acceptable to me, but then I'd not drink anyway in case something happened and it fell through, so I'd probably just think I might as well go anyway.

AnnaNimmity · 12/10/2018 21:06

my eldest dd has been making her own way home for a while - she's just 18 now and just gone out for the night. I don't know how she's getting home!

(I can't pick her up, I'm in charge of younger children who can't be left). (and I've drank wine).

Ontheboardwalk · 12/10/2018 21:08

Is her boyfriend at the party or he would need to leave his house to do a round trip just so she can get home?

Any reason she doesn’t feel safe in taxis? I love an Uber but many years ago when I was 17 I used to get many a black cab from town and some of them could be absolute arses, saying that so could the local ones.

I’m older and wiser and much happier on the bus back home these days rather than a taxi

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