Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

She sounds really entitled.

Uber is probably not the best cab company to use for a girl on her own as pp's have said they do have a bit of a dodgy record on reported sexual assaults. But there's loads of other cab companies in London if it's lay close it will still be affordable.

Its a mile away you can have a small glass of wine

Your share an Uber or can with bf is a good idea.

In longer run maybe set up a rota with other parents?

My mum would only let me go to parties at that age if she picked me up at ten. Here the solution is you get a cab from a reputable local taxi firm

Its a mile away you can have a small glass of wine

Yeah don’t do this. Only dickheads drink and drive.

"I have two adult daughters. I've lost count of the number of party pick-ups at all times of the night over the years. I would not be happy letting my "just 17" daughter make her own way home, but maybe I'm old-fashioned as most posters seem to think she's an entitled pain in the ass."

"Yeah I'm the same as you."

I with these posters (and others). I'd pick up.

Yes, he boyfriend is at the party too.

It is not so much that I want (have had) a drink. I want to go to bed soon.

I do my share of pickups, and will happily give her friends lifts home. Tonight I am tired though. He DF and I are divorced, when she goes out she always stays here, even if it is her weekend with him, so it is always up to me to pick her up if she is getting a lift.

The initial responses thought I was not being unreasonable, now that seems to have changed.

She is my youngest and the older two are both boys, so maybe I am not used to picking up, as they would never ask me to and always found their way home. Therefore I am beyond waiting up for teenagers to come home.

I also know that lots of her friends use Uber to get home. When there are here I always ask how they are getting home, when I am off to bed, and most of the girls say by Uber.

Ah if boyfriend at the party then crack open the wine then get yourself to bed and let them get a taxi!!

She’s not going to be on her own wondering the streets.

You sit back and relax!

At 17 she’s either old enough to be out until 11.30/midnight/whatever and get an entire mile home by walking/uber/taxi with her boyfriend/mates or she’s too young for that and needs to come home when mum can collect her (now, before mum enjoys a glass of wine).

Enjoy a guilt free glass of wine OP.

We wouldn't let our DD17 get an uber alone, no. But with the certainty of boyfriend also in the uber, that would be ok. I don't know what she's getting at? Perhaps the boyfriend has other plans post-party I'm wondering?????

Also karmin

WTF has distance got to do with it??

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I have a 17 yr old daughter and would feel happier ensuring her safety by giving her a lift home.
We can reach a compromise so if she wants to be picked up at midnight but it doesn’t suit me we usually agree on another time, a bit earlier. She is fine with that.

You suggestion of sharing Uber with her boyfriend seems reasonable though

Set up a rota the girl is 17 not 7. Why would the op want to do this? And tbh I cannot remember having the parents details of my dc's friends at that age. Well aside from the ones who had been mates with for years.

There's the third option for her as she doesn't like the offer you have made. She can contact her dad to pick her up. Why should it always be down to you?

How very dare you have a night off from ferrying your 17 year old around OP!

Don't you know you should be looking forward to going out at all hours when she's a grown adult because she's your previous little princess who will be incapable of finding her own way home.

How can you possibly sit and relax with a glass of wine you neglectful mother?! Shame on you.

Dear god. No wonder some young people grow up incapable of standing on their own two feet, managing their own finances and never leave home.

You have offered perfectly reasonable alternatives. I have no idea why its unacceptable to her for her boyfriend can't share the Uber home with her then continue to his destination.

As long as she's not alone she'll be fine. Threatening to walk home is guilt tripping you just like some people on this thread.

And I've got two teenagers.

How do people think their kids fare when they go to Uni hundreds of miles away?

Sooner or later you need to teach your kids to be streetwise to a certain extent.
She just doesn't want a cab!

She sounds like she needs to know you love her by picking her up to me just a possibility? people on here are very harsh and as previous poster said the boyfriend may not be reliable. she is still young and since when did people have so much faith in ubers? they have very short memories

I just don't get how Uber is riskier than other cab firms. There have been a number of high profile black taxi and mini cab sex offenders and killers over the years. At least with an Uber as the parent you literally watch them , gets picked up, then on the map travelling home, you have the car description and registration and full details of the driver, so the minute you think something wrong has happened or they are leaving the expected route, you call the police, you have the current location of the car and all relevant details. You don't have that with any other taxi company, all you have is, she text and said she got in a taxi an hour ago (if she bothers to text), if not it's just 'my daughter hadn't come home yet and she said she'd be home by twelve' you don't know which company she used, the car she got into, whether she even made it into the car she ordered or something happened on her way to get into it, none of that will help keep her safe or find her if something had happened. Logically uber has more safeguards in place.

BlueSkyBurningBright

Are there no more taxi companies in your city/town, except Uber?!

I've never been asked as I can't drive.
Dh refuses or isn't really here to do it anyway.
They manage somehow, taxi, friends parents, train, bus.

My goodness. If she wants to exercise choice and attend a party, then she should be capable of getting home from a mile away. I accept that I live in a small town but frankly, even our cat could probably manage that if sufficiently motivated (i.e. hungry).

You don't have that with any other taxi company,

Lots of companies have moved over to GPRS control and offer full information and tracking now.

Bizarre for a London teenager not to be able to cope with a ten-minute journey in the dark - accompanied to boot.

Maybe DD shouldn't be going to a party if she's failing to manage to this extent. Suggest that and see what happens.

I'd pick her up. I think choosing a drink over making sure your kid gets home safely is weird. Sorry but I don't get it. :/

No yanbu . I say the same thing - stay at friends house or I'm picking up at 10pm. She doesn't even ask now

I'm waiting for the posters to come along and suggest that op do this, otherwise, when the op is old the dd won't be around to help.

I lived in London at 17, back here again now. No one ever came and got me. I got the night bus.