Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

[MiddlingMum]

At that age, living in a city, I was cycling to and from parties. Dead cool, I was

[theworldistoosmall]

The op is choosing also an early night because she is tired. The drink is extra and why not? She's been at work all week and wants to relax on a Friday night.

Personally, I don't want tired drivers on the road.

If the op had plans to go out tonight, would she have to cancel them? Because this is what a lot of you are implying.

[GeorgeTheHippo]

I am tired, have had a glass of wine and am off to bed shortly as well. Luckily for me my 17yo has already got himself home from our city in public transport. I have to pick him up tomorrow though, from 6 miles away and none of the friends there live on this side of town.

I think book her a cab, too.

[BlueJava]

Of course I'd pick my DS (or DD if I had them) up if they asked.. I would be pleased they asked me and were being sensible!

[PhilomenaButterfly]

Oh, and I have a 28 and a 26 year old.

[cherish123]

You need to collect her. Don't be ridiculous. Have a glass when you get home from picking her up.

[lifechangesforever]

I've never felt safer in taxis than when Uber was introduced.. my husband can track the car, knows the name and face of the driver and registration plate, and I can keep check that the driver is following the route at al time.

[Everyoneiswingingit]

I have one of these. Your offer is reasonable. Stick with out. If she's old enough to be out partying till 11.30 and beyond, then she can get in a cab.

[Bacardibabe]

Id pick her up. I wouldnt sleep until I knew she was home safe anyway. I dont even like getting cabs on my own. If I share with friends then the last one home texts the others to say they are home safe. Yabu.

[Bacardibabe]

The OP wont be tracking the Uber as she will be asleep so fat lot of good that will be. Its 10 mins away. I dont get it.

[Karmin]

@buscaution - Note I said a small glass of wine. Not the bottle.

In England and Wales, the alcohol limit for drivers is 80 milligrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood, 35 microgrammes per 100 millilitres of breath or 107 milligrammes per 100 millilitres of urine. In most other European countries, the limit is less, usually 50 milligrammes per 100 millilitres of blood.

The 80mg limit allows a man of average height and weight to drink as many as four units of alcohol, or two pints of normal-strength beer, and still remain within the law. Women can drink three units, the equivalent of a large glass of average strength wine.

As stated I suggested 1 small glass. Well within limits.

[KeiTeNgeNge]

She and bf can get an uber

[Everyoneiswingingit]

Teens need to learn that the world does not revolve around them .Before planning the night, arrange how to get home. I have sat up until 1am before to collect DD. Having been u since 6am and been to work, I think this is less safe than getting a cab.

[Ontheboardwalk]

Her boyfriend is with her at the party. She doesn’t need to be alone in the cab. Bluesky has said she would cover any trips in the taxi

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

She has gone and will be getting a cab with her boyfriend or getting a lift with another parent.

I do think there needs to be a balance. She has two parties next weekend. One she will be brought back from, as it is an experience party, the other I will pick her up from.

She has an active social life and is at parties, or having out at people houses at least once over the weekend. She has to learn to get home without me picking her up all the time. She will be at university next year.

[buscaution]

karmin

You suggested drinking and driving, and added ‘it’s only a mile’

Drinking and driving is a dick move regardless of what statistics you copy and paste. And because it’s only a mile? WTAF!

[XingMing]

Living in an extremely rural area, where Uber is only a word in German, and not having a daughter, DS passed his driving test at 17.3 months. Going to parties, he's often slept in the car (takes sleeping bag) and comes home in the morning. In London, I don't know how I'd play it TBH.

[MemoryOfSleep]

I'm with PP. Say next time that you'll go and get her but no later than 10 pm.

[cakeinthewhole]

Really? All those who are guilting the OP sound vv unreasonable. I work full time and very long hours and as a single parent of 3, if I'd had to collect from every social event over the last 5 years since the eldest hit 17 I'd have had no down time at all. Luckily they have all survived intact despite neglectful mother.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

I am surprised at how many PP have said they would pick up, no question.

Maybe I am viewed as the slack parent by her friend's parents. Though I do not judge the kids that get taxis home.

[Elephant14]

Those using the words "entitled" and "princess" are surely describing the OP.

As one poster, who I note was roundly ignored, put it very succinctly earlier - if any family members needed a lift then they would get a lift, as a matter of courtesy and respect. If I needed a lift and my 17 year old DD could drive (still learning at the moment) then I would be very pleased if she offered. I'd immediately do the same for her as she is my daughter and you know, I love and care for her.

Its not a competition to see just how much contempt you can treat your own teenager with.

[DistanceCall]

Parents are also human and they are entitled to some down time now and then. You have been absolutely fair, offering to pay for a taxi or Uber, and she has the options of being picked up by someone else's parents.

Don't feel guilty. You're doing the right thing.

[DistanceCall]

Its 10 mins away. I dont get it.

The OP is exhausted, and she wants to stay in. Her daugher has other reasonable options. It's really not that hard to get.

[polkadotpixie]

I would rather pick her up at any time of the night than her get an Uber but that is probably because my friend's daughter was raped by an Uber driver so I don't trust them (although the option of her boyfriend accompanying her is a perfectly fine alternative)

[Cobrider]

Its not a competition to see just how much contempt you can treat your own teenager with

It’s also not a competition to show what a marvellous parent you are and a martyr to your 17 year old.

It doesn’t make you a better parent you know. Many of us have multiple teenagers, work shifts or unbelievably would like a break from running around after everyone else.
Paying for a taxi is responsible and sensible.
You would think the judgy smug brigade stopped after a certain age, but clearly they don’t.