Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

[moredoll]

I would much rather not have wine and pick up my DD to know she is safe.
Not many 17 year olds are confident in a taxi. Friday evenings taxis can be unreliable. And- maybe wrongly I don't trust cab drivers.

Almost all 17 year olds will dress for a party wearing shoes unsuitable for walking and clothes that will not keep them warm.

Sorry OP- I would suck it up, drink tea and pick her up.

Yep, 17 is still young.

[Johnnyfinland]

She’s being ridiculous. I used to go out in the next city, 20 miles away from my parents house, at 17/18 and either fork out for the cab home or arrange somewhere to stay. The only time my dad picked me up was if he was passing through (he played in bands and often would be out late on a gig) but even then sometimes he refused as his car was too full of musical instruments!

If I was a mile down the road they’d have told me to get a grip. The night bus is always busy in London, she’d be fine on it. Despite a few dodgy incidents in Ubers I now live in London and myself and my female friends regularly get them alone after nights out, they’re fine

[speakout]

Such an interesting divide on this thread.

Most of the posters who have or have had teenage kids would want to pick them up themselves.

Most of the posters who have zero experience of parenting teens ( but have been teens themselves( ) say don't bother.

I wonder if the posters who don't yet have 17 year olds may change their minds when their own kids hit that age......

[LorelaiRoryEmily]

I think YABU. She’s only 17. Pick her up and have your wine tomorrow night

[speakout]

Johnnyfinland

Yo don't have teenage children.

[thisneverendingsummer]

She doesn't have to use an UBER. Use another taxi firm.

YANBU and she is being a PITA.

[Johnnyfinland]

Speakout no but my parents did and they didn’t pick me up in similar situations. I don’t think they were wrong

[theworldistoosmall]

Yea, 17-year-olds in their jeans and whatever trainers they are wearing at the moment. Really uncomfortable, cold clothing.

[bevelino]

My teens get an uber home and have never had an issue. I prefer them as the drivers never engage them in conversation, unlike black cab drivers who talk incessantly throughout every journey.

[speakout]

Johnnyfinland

Same here.

But being a 17 year old yourself gives you zero insight into parenting a 17 year old.

[Johnnyfinland]

But what makes you so sure id do things differently to my parents if I did have teenage children? Perhaps I think they got it right and would want to do the same thing?

[ReadWriteDraw]

I would pick my daughter up. She’s 17 and I only let her go in Ubers in a group. However that said, I went I University on my own at 17 (Scotland so a year earlier and I was young for my year) and many other Scottish students have probably just started uni too so are working out how to get home - life skills etc!

[TrueLoveWays]

Id pick her up.
Just 17 is still young

[LavendarGreen]

@dontthugmeimscared

When I tried to guilt trip my mum at that age my mum always pointed out that she had me at 17 so I should be able to manage getting home myself.

Wow. Words fail me.

Agree with the posters saying there must be other cab firms.

[museumum]

I use black cabs not Uber but I would send one for a 17yr old. In one year she could be at uni in another city or on a gap year in another country - how’s she going to manage if she’s not got a cab herself before!?!

[totallywired]

Who knows speakout, mine are yet teens so maybe I'll change my mind when they are, but teenagers do seem to be babied these days. When I was 17 I would go to parties and clubs all over London and no one was ever picked up by parents, not ever. I'm glad I had that freedom and that we were expected to be responsible for ourselves. I terms of being assaulted the danger is overwhelmingly from boyfriends, other people at the party etc., not strangers.

[AGHHHH]

Jesus she's 17 and it's 1 mile tell her to get a grip 😂

[ShadowHuntress]

I was a 17 year old and my parents never picked me up either. We always managed to find our own way back.

I have dc now and although they aren’t 17 yet, I know I would never let them come back alone if I could collect them. Not with the way things are now. I would definitely leave the wine, pick her up, then maybe have a glass when she’s back. Tbh I can’t imagine letting a 17 year old make her own way back in London

[speakout]

totallywire

As I say you don't have teens.

[speakout]

Johnnyfinland

My childless SIL was the biggest expert on child rearing whan i had my kids.

She though that because she was a child once that made her an expert,

Until you are a parent of teenagers yourself you don't get it.

[ReadWriteDraw]

Lots of parts of London are pretty safe you know! I know the Daily Mail likes to call it the “Wild West” or similar but west London is probably miles safer than where I grew up.

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

I presume she managed to get herself to the party without drama so she can get herself home

she IS being a madam, wanting door to door drop off, with no thought for anyone else. OP has made perfectly acceptable suggestions but no, not what she wants, is she angling to stay out?? Or go on to the boyfriends??

I'd have a few words with her in the morning about getting herself organised and acting like a grown up. Words like unfair, uncaring, working for a living and taking the piss.

[ThePinkOcelot]

I would definitely go and pick her up. That way, I know she’ll get home safely.

[speakout]

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours

Do you have teenage kids?

[category12]

I've had the best, funniest conversations picking up my daughter. It's precisely because she'll be gone to uni and flying the nest in short order, that I want to enjoy these moments with her and be there for her while she actively wants me around. She's capable, she's independent, I have confidence in her abilities, but good lord, I'll take a late night and dip out on the wine for that.