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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:
moredoll · 12/10/2018 20:31

I would much rather not have wine and pick up my DD to know she is safe.
Not many 17 year olds are confident in a taxi. Friday evenings taxis can be unreliable. And- maybe wrongly I don't trust cab drivers.

Almost all 17 year olds will dress for a party wearing shoes unsuitable for walking and clothes that will not keep them warm.

Sorry OP- I would suck it up, drink tea and pick her up.

Yep, 17 is still young.

Johnnyfinland · 12/10/2018 20:32

She’s being ridiculous. I used to go out in the next city, 20 miles away from my parents house, at 17/18 and either fork out for the cab home or arrange somewhere to stay. The only time my dad picked me up was if he was passing through (he played in bands and often would be out late on a gig) but even then sometimes he refused as his car was too full of musical instruments!

If I was a mile down the road they’d have told me to get a grip. The night bus is always busy in London, she’d be fine on it. Despite a few dodgy incidents in Ubers I now live in London and myself and my female friends regularly get them alone after nights out, they’re fine

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:32

Such an interesting divide on this thread.

Most of the posters who have or have had teenage kids would want to pick them up themselves.

Most of the posters who have zero experience of parenting teens ( but have been teens themselves( Hmm) say don't bother.

I wonder if the posters who don't yet have 17 year olds may change their minds when their own kids hit that age......

LorelaiRoryEmily · 12/10/2018 20:33

I think YABU. She’s only 17. Pick her up and have your wine tomorrow night

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:33

Johnnyfinland

Yo don't have teenage children.

thisneverendingsummer · 12/10/2018 20:33

She doesn't have to use an UBER. Use another taxi firm.

YANBU and she is being a PITA.

Johnnyfinland · 12/10/2018 20:34

Speakout no but my parents did and they didn’t pick me up in similar situations. I don’t think they were wrong

theworldistoosmall · 12/10/2018 20:34

Yea, 17-year-olds in their jeans and whatever trainers they are wearing at the moment. Really uncomfortable, cold clothing.

bevelino · 12/10/2018 20:34

My teens get an uber home and have never had an issue. I prefer them as the drivers never engage them in conversation, unlike black cab drivers who talk incessantly throughout every journey.

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:35

Johnnyfinland

Same here.

But being a 17 year old yourself gives you zero insight into parenting a 17 year old.

Johnnyfinland · 12/10/2018 20:36

But what makes you so sure id do things differently to my parents if I did have teenage children? Perhaps I think they got it right and would want to do the same thing?

ReadWriteDraw · 12/10/2018 20:36

I would pick my daughter up. She’s 17 and I only let her go in Ubers in a group. However that said, I went I University on my own at 17 (Scotland so a year earlier and I was young for my year) and many other Scottish students have probably just started uni too so are working out how to get home - life skills etc!

TrueLoveWays · 12/10/2018 20:37

Id pick her up.
Just 17 is still young

LavendarGreen · 12/10/2018 20:37

@dontthugmeimscared

When I tried to guilt trip my mum at that age my mum always pointed out that she had me at 17 so I should be able to manage getting home myself.

Wow. Words fail me. Confused

Agree with the posters saying there must be other cab firms.

museumum · 12/10/2018 20:37

I use black cabs not Uber but I would send one for a 17yr old. In one year she could be at uni in another city or on a gap year in another country - how’s she going to manage if she’s not got a cab herself before!?!

totallywired · 12/10/2018 20:38

Who knows speakout, mine are yet teens so maybe I'll change my mind when they are, but teenagers do seem to be babied these days. When I was 17 I would go to parties and clubs all over London and no one was ever picked up by parents, not ever. I'm glad I had that freedom and that we were expected to be responsible for ourselves. I terms of being assaulted the danger is overwhelmingly from boyfriends, other people at the party etc., not strangers.

AGHHHH · 12/10/2018 20:38

Jesus she's 17 and it's 1 mile tell her to get a grip 😂

ShadowHuntress · 12/10/2018 20:39

I was a 17 year old and my parents never picked me up either. We always managed to find our own way back.

I have dc now and although they aren’t 17 yet, I know I would never let them come back alone if I could collect them. Not with the way things are now. I would definitely leave the wine, pick her up, then maybe have a glass when she’s back. Tbh I can’t imagine letting a 17 year old make her own way back in London

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:39

totallywire

As I say you don't have teens.

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:41

Johnnyfinland

My childless SIL was the biggest expert on child rearing whan i had my kids.

She though that because she was a child once that made her an expert,

Until you are a parent of teenagers yourself you don't get it.

ReadWriteDraw · 12/10/2018 20:43

Lots of parts of London are pretty safe you know! I know the Daily Mail likes to call it the “Wild West” or similar but west London is probably miles safer than where I grew up.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 12/10/2018 20:43

I presume she managed to get herself to the party without drama so she can get herself home

she IS being a madam, wanting door to door drop off, with no thought for anyone else. OP has made perfectly acceptable suggestions but no, not what she wants, is she angling to stay out?? Or go on to the boyfriends??

I'd have a few words with her in the morning about getting herself organised and acting like a grown up. Words like unfair, uncaring, working for a living and taking the piss.

ThePinkOcelot · 12/10/2018 20:43

I would definitely go and pick her up. That way, I know she’ll get home safely.

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:44

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours

Do you have teenage kids?

category12 · 12/10/2018 20:45

I've had the best, funniest conversations picking up my daughter. It's precisely because she'll be gone to uni and flying the nest in short order, that I want to enjoy these moments with her and be there for her while she actively wants me around. She's capable, she's independent, I have confidence in her abilities, but good lord, I'll take a late night and dip out on the wine for that.