Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Donthugmeimscared · 12/10/2018 20:11

When I tried to guilt trip my mum at that age my mum always pointed out that she had me at 17 so I should be able to manage getting home myself.

DavenotChas · 12/10/2018 20:12

Or another option: She doesn't go at all?

I'm pretty sure if it's that or an uber with her boyfriend (incredibly low risk of sexual assault for the panic mongers) She will pick the uber.

It's no skin off your nose if she stays home is it?

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:15

Goes with the territory in my book.

I would much rather not have wine and pick up my DD to know she is safe.
Not many 17 year olds are confident in a taxi. Friday evenings taxis can be unreliable. And- maybe wrongly I don't trust cab drivers.

Almost all 17 year olds will dress for a party wearing shoes unsuitable for walking and clothes that will not keep them warm.

Sorry OP- I would suck it up, drink tea and pick her up.

megletthesecond · 12/10/2018 20:16

I'd pick her up too.
Are Ubers badly regulated? I wouldn't use one.

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:16

Donthugmeimscared

Have you had a 17 year old DD though?

Being one ( we all were) and being the parent of one are completely different things.

DancingForTheDog · 12/10/2018 20:17

I have two adult daughters. I've lost count of the number of party pick-ups at all times of the night over the years. I would not be happy letting my "just 17" daughter make her own way home, but maybe I'm old-fashioned as most posters seem to think she's an entitled pain in the ass.

wrenika · 12/10/2018 20:18

I'd let her sort her own way home. You've given her options and she can choose to take them if she's wise. She's a big girl and she needs to grow up.

theworldistoosmall · 12/10/2018 20:21

Oh well, she will have to stay in.
Not all parents pick their children from parties, I never did but then I live in London and don't see the need to drive.

So if not Uber, then ViaVan, Black Cab etc. All viable options.

Biscuitburglar · 12/10/2018 20:22

I wouldn’t be happy with my 16 year old (just 17) daughter getting an Uber late at night on her own. You think there may be a slight risk so are delegating responsibility for her safety to her boyfriend which isn’t fair. I’d pick her up.

Tiredofit · 12/10/2018 20:23

I have boys and I still pick them up. It’s a pain in the ass when I want an early night but it’s better than something happening to them.

MrsStrowman · 12/10/2018 20:24

Everyone slating Uber drivers, there have been plenty of taxi and black cab drivers accused and convicted of similar. Levi bellfield anyone? Uber is trackable, I much prefer them and I assess risk of serious but harm for a living

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/10/2018 20:24

I’d pick her up.

Baden157 · 12/10/2018 20:25

I don't blame her for not wanting to take an uber. If you are in London there will be plenty of black cabs ( you can use the mytaxi app to book one) she can pay by cash or card and she will be safe.

Also Uber T&Cs state that they are NOT insured for unaccompanied under 18's.

With the number of reported sexual assaults and accidents I wouldn't put my worse enemy in an uber.

Petitepamplemousse · 12/10/2018 20:25

I think YANBU OP. Pre-book a cab with a reputable firm.

category12 · 12/10/2018 20:25

I'd pick her up. She's only just 17 and she wants you to. That's quite nice you know, you won't always have these opportunities to chat with her after parties and know what's going on with her.

pallisers · 12/10/2018 20:26

Yeah I'm the same as you. Have an 18 year old and a 17 year old. I wouldn't want/let the 17 year old take an uber unless she was with at least one other person. OP, I think you offered her a very fair alternative of getting an uber with her boyfriend - not sure why she wouldn't take it. mine always prefer an uber than me picking up.

Last friday night I was really looking forward to a glass of wine but instead waited up and went and got her from a game. My dad used to come out to get me from parties (and often gave lifts home to girls who had no other way of getting home) so I feel like I should pass it on. I was talking to a good friend about it and she was surprised I was going out - she told me her parents never gave her a lift and she missed a lot of stuff because had no way of getting home. I wouldn't say she has the warmest relationship with her parents now. I know the MN script if very much that at 16/17 you could be serving your country/rearing your baby so you don't need any parental help but I wouldn't want that for any of my children. But for the OP, I think the uber with the boyfriend is perfectly ok (unless she doesn't want to come home with him/is having a fight maybe?)

user1511042793 · 12/10/2018 20:27

I would collect her at 1130. Unsure why you won’t. You can go in your pj. The only thing you can’t do is drink alcohol and whilst I love a wine I would forgoe that to collect my daughter.

TrudeauGirl · 12/10/2018 20:27

I'm old-fashioned as most posters seem to think she's an entitled pain in the ass.

Not entitled just maybe should have sorted out a way home beforehand.
I was fine with taxis when I was 17. And that was only 10 years ago. Not way back when, where things were considered "safer" as some people seem to think.

saddnessinseptember · 12/10/2018 20:29

I have a 17 yr old daughter doing the Same tonight. For me it depends on how often it is and what time. Before midnight isn’t usually a problem & DD only occasionally goes out. DS is 16 and goes out more frequently. He has 3 close friends that we share the lifts with. We usually do the late run alternately as we also have young children so it suits us. DS did, however, get a taxi for a late finishing party and walked (with a friend) most of the way home from his prom. I picked them up at 4:45am 3 miles from home. So, for me it’s about reasonableness - if DD we’re asking all the time and basically taking the pish then it’s totally ok to say no. If it’s dangerous for a person to drive because they’re too tired then it’s reasonable to say no etc

E20mom · 12/10/2018 20:29

What you've suggested sounds fine.

somewheresorted · 12/10/2018 20:29

No way would I feel happy letting my 17 year old DD get an Uber on her own late at night.

MrsStrowman · 12/10/2018 20:29

She can share her journey, you can watch her come home with the registration and full driver details, the minute the Uber goes off route you know. Much safer than, I think my daughter got in a black cab an hour ago

speakout · 12/10/2018 20:29

TrudeauGirl

But you don't have a teenage daughter- being one and being the parent to one are very different things.

WalkingTed · 12/10/2018 20:30

if it were me id just pick up

TrudeauGirl · 12/10/2018 20:30

But you don't have a teenage daughter- being one and being the parent to one are very different things.

Good point

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18