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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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EwItsAHooman · 11/10/2018 20:54

Feed however you are comfortable feeding and if they feel the need to move elsewhere then let them crack on, it's their hang up not yours. If they find it so offensive and awkward, why don't they go eat their Sunday lunch in the loo while you feed the baby at the table?

holyshitdude · 11/10/2018 20:55

Ask your mother if she would like to eat dinner in the toilet, ignore and feed your baby at the table.

Spanglyprincess1 · 11/10/2018 20:57

My sister's fella did this in my house, we both told him to get lost. The baby is eating . Tell them to eat dinner in the toilet. I'd be offended if my family said that to me!

RowenaDedalus · 11/10/2018 20:57

I wouldn’t go. Sod that. She invited you out for dinner but wants you to sit in the toilet?

Emma765 · 11/10/2018 20:58

I wouldn't go. But not because of any awkwardness around feeding, just because I wouldn't want to be around them.

Ploppymoodypants · 11/10/2018 20:58

Yep feed baby at table. Your sister doesn’t want her boyfriend to see your boobs? How much boob would be you showing? I am assuming baby will be attached to nipple and clothing covering most of it.
Yep ignore them, carry on and feed and if they get up and leave it’s them with the issue not you.

SWMWAFC · 11/10/2018 20:59

I wouldn't go if they are going to suggest you need to bf in the toilet or at another table!

ArfArfBarf · 11/10/2018 21:00

I wouldn’t go either.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/10/2018 21:00

If your sister doesn't want her boyfriend to see your boobs, suggest that maybe he just doesn't look.
Unless you strip naked to the waist to feed, boob is normally covered by the baby.

Fruitcake13 · 11/10/2018 21:00

Well said @ewitsahooman totally agree.

Elephantinacravat · 11/10/2018 21:00

and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Well then ye can go and eat his dinner in the toilet then, problem solved!

Elephantinacravat · 11/10/2018 21:00

He not ye!

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 11/10/2018 21:00

Well given how long feeds took when my DD was that age, there would be no point in me going, as I would spend the whole meal in the toilet. Fuck that. Stay home, eat topless pizza.

IamPickleRick · 11/10/2018 21:01

Fuck that. I wouldn’t go if they are excluding your child from the dinner.

Dreamingofkfc · 11/10/2018 21:01

Feed at the table. Half the time they won't even notice! So many times friends have come up to me thinking the baby is snuggling then realise he's feeding. I've never covered up, but wear breastfeeding dresses or a top with a top over, no one has really seen much (apart from the post man when I get up quickly to get the door and realise I've not covered up!)

EndeavourVoyage · 11/10/2018 21:01

Your DSis has a strange view of breastfeeding, why would she think her BF would be interested in looking at your boobs when you are feeding your baby. I would feed my baby at that damn table whether he/she was hungry or not! Your sister is an “odd ball”

Nettymummy · 11/10/2018 21:02

Tell them not to look if it upsets them so much. Nobody is forcing them to look. And does your sister think her boyfriend would want to look at your breasts. She is insecure.

Jenala · 11/10/2018 21:02

Some people!!! Suggest to your sister that her boyfriend can wait in the toilet while you're feeding. Your mum can go to if she's that offended.

I'd probably just say that I don't want to go what with everyone being so weird, that you certainly will not sit in the toilet but also don't want to be judged for feeding your baby either.

I hope this doesn't put you off. It's so great to be able to ebf.

Itsnotmesothere · 11/10/2018 21:03

I wouldn't go either. Fuck them. It's no wonder your sister has issues with breastfeeding with a mother like that so congratulations for doing it. I mean that in a non patronising way.

IamPickleRick · 11/10/2018 21:05

‘and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!‘

‘And you can fuck off Nanny, because why would my mummy want to pay restaurant prices just to sit in the bog”

Bestseller · 11/10/2018 21:06

There's no way your mother really told your baby it would be eating in the toilet. Surely if they're all at the table you can use any other room in the house. Or cover up at the table.

Yes, you should be able to feed anywhere but there's no need to go out of your way to make people uncomfortable.

Theweasleytwins · 11/10/2018 21:06

As long as you dont take your entire top off to feed Grin

Ive had friends breastfeed infront of me and you cant even tell

How would your family like to go eat their food in the toilet? Thats just gross

I was always worried about breast feeding in public due to attitudes like that

Cath2907 · 11/10/2018 21:06

They are wierd!!! If my baby wasn’t properly welcome (including eating at table ) I wouldn’t go.

Athena51 · 11/10/2018 21:07

YADNBU, the bloody cheek of them. Has your sister's boyfriend never seen boobs? Do you have irresistible magical breasts? (I hope you do!)

Why should you and your baby sit in a toilet? I had my DS in the mid 1990s and I breast fed him in public and no one turned a hair,you'd hope that attitudes had moved on in the last 24 years.

I wouldn't go. Sod 'em.

Cuddlykitten123 · 11/10/2018 21:07

Are they actually expecting a second table to be given to them at a peak time (Sunday lunch) because they are offended by possibly a 10 second flash of nipple while baby latches and maybe a few inches of exposed skin between baby head and your top. Skin that happens to be on your boob but is absolutely the same as the skin on your arm/leg?