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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 22:14

I most certainly would not feed in the loo! I do chuck a pashmina over my shoulder though, for privacy and so others don’t feel uncomfortable. DS tends to doze off better under the pashmina anyway because it’s warm and dark.

Lethaldrizzle · 11/10/2018 22:14

Your husband doesn't know where to look? How about anywhere else but the breast? It can't be that big?

lovemylot1 · 11/10/2018 22:15

I have a three week old it’s my third ebf baby. Went for lunch with parents and in laws last weekend. It’s a fantastic time to go for a meal, baby may sleep through much of it not like having a toddler who needs to be entertained.

Order something easy to eat with one hand, feed whenever you want, no cover if it doesn’t work for you, enjoy and no one may ever notice you fed your baby during the meal.

If anyone says anything you don’t like then you could tell them that the law is on your side, you can breastfeed in public and no cover is required by law so if any person by law must allow you to bf then surely your own family should support you.

MrsGB2225 · 11/10/2018 22:16

Can’t you just feed in the sofa?! Doesn’t have to be table or loo!

speakout · 11/10/2018 22:19

maybe he just doesn't know where to look?

Poor thing.

LastOneDancing · 11/10/2018 22:21

Why should she miss put on the meal & the conversation and go and sit on her own MrsGB?

Just carry on and feed your baby when you need to. If DSis starts giving you stink eye, squirt milk at her.

Spanglylycra · 11/10/2018 22:22

@Lethaldrizzle seriously I have a couple of friends who have literally sat with both boobs out and started to engage conversation with him, think about it men get so much grief for staring at women, as a nice polite chap who isn't a prude and has seen me feed he genuinely doesn't know where to look! I am the first to defend rights to feed etc but I also don't think there is no need to sit for a prolonged period with one or two entire breasts out - you can feed in public without being a flasher and without a cover.

dadshere · 11/10/2018 22:27

I don't eat in the toilet, I don't know anyone who does. It sounds rather unsanitary to me. It is your baby, and you are using your breasts for the reason you have them. If you are feeding your baby, and this upsets someone, that is their issue, not yours. If you are not dancing topless around the table, doing the feather dance whilst squirting milk into baby's mouth from across the table, then you are behaving perfectly reasonably. You should never be made to feel embarrassed for doing something so natural and normal.

speakout · 11/10/2018 22:27

Spanglylycra

Yes because women are all secret flashers, just desperate to have a baby so they can get their tits out in public.

For me it was the best bit of motherhood- sitting topless in public.

Celebelly · 11/10/2018 22:28

Maybe your husband could look at her face, like most people do when talking to someone?

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 22:30

MrsGB sorry I didn't make it clear it's a restaurant.
TBH from what i remember the chairs are bloody hard there and I've had stitches so I'm probably better off out

OP posts:
Spanglylycra · 11/10/2018 22:31

I knew I'd get those comments back. Yes he did look at her face, he's a gent.

Spanglylycra · 11/10/2018 22:33

That video is funny though. No my friend is far more in your face than that!

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 22:37

Honestly some of these replies have cracked me up, thanks guys! I feel a lot better!

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 11/10/2018 22:37

I mean that in the nicest possible way but I've had some friends literally whip full boob out in front of my husband and he doesn't know where to look (!)

What does this even mean? Why on earth wouldn’t he just look where he normally does or does he not tend to look at peoples faces when conversing with them.

ferntwist · 11/10/2018 22:42

YANBU. Your mum and sister are totally lacking in empathy. So what if her boyfriend sees you feeding? They need to grow up. Don’t feed your baby in the toilet.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 22:47

Now I'm really annoyed, I just told my mum that I didn't think I'd come if this was the general attitude and she said that I was "putting obstacles in my way" because we've been out, once, for 4 hours and she didn't want feeding.

OP posts:
mildshock · 11/10/2018 22:48

Don't bother covering up or going to the loo, especially as you don't want to!

On DPs birthday, I breastfed DS2 at the table in front of 20+ friends and family. No one but DP and MIL realised until I stopped "cuddling" DS2 and re-attached my bra clip, all skin completely covered by big floaty top and vest top.
Our friend then said "oh god, sorry I didn't mean to look, I didn't know what you were doing!" and he went bright red. Everyone laughed, no one cared. He still gets (good natured) grief about it from his wife Grin

Spanglylycra · 11/10/2018 22:50

Your mum needs to back off! Your baby is 2.5 weeks old you do what you bloody need to do. I'd stay in and eat chocolate whilst watching box sets personally.

puzzledlady · 11/10/2018 22:50

NO - they can have their meals in the toilet if they wish. How ever rude and backward of them, coming from your mother too! My sister doesn't 'like' me breastfeeding - but ive told her, if its that odd for her, then she needs to move, she's better these days, doesn't look (which is how it should be!!!) I would never imagine my own family asking me to feed my child in the toilet - how disgusting! Tell the sisters boyfriend not to be a pervert as to stare at a woman breasts. Your sister should be worried that her bf is a pervert instead of worrying about a little baby feeding!!!

flumpybear · 11/10/2018 22:50

I bloody HATED bf in public, but I wouldn't resort to the toilet!
I'd keep my breasts covered with a Muslin and my babies too but felt that less distracting to them tbh

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/10/2018 22:51

I mean that in the nicest possible way but I've had some friends literally whip full boob out in front of my husband and he doesn't know where to look (!)

Gosh, life must be quite hard for the poor guy if he finds looking at someone's face while they're talking too hard AND can't even manage to just look off to the side or the floor

LaurieMarlow · 11/10/2018 22:52

Yes he did look at her face, he's a gent.

So no problem then. Total non issue.

puzzledlady · 11/10/2018 22:52

urghh - just seen your reply. Your mother sounds bloody awful. Putting obstacles in the way of what?! Her grandchild feeding?!!??!?!?! Terrible behaviour. Show her this thread op. Maybe then she'll realise how out of order she is. To her own grandchild too. I cant even imagine how upset you must feel.

Rebecca36 · 11/10/2018 22:56

There are plenty of cafes/restaurants 'friendly' to breast feeding, just make sure your mum finds one of those. It is usual to have some sort of top which has a flap, most people don't want entire boob and nipple when it comes out to be on full display.

Apart from that I'm amazed you can go out for a meal with such a young baby! Very impressive.