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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 21:23

Why not cover yourself to a reasonable extent while you are feeding your baby at the table? Most circumspect women do so.

M0reGinPlease · 11/10/2018 21:23

I wouldn't want to be around these people, they sound like utter fuckwits and it's the attitudes of people like them 'I don't have anything against breastfeeding, BUT...' that mean more women don't give it a go.

Celebelly · 11/10/2018 21:24

Feed your baby at the table and if they're uncomfortable they can move to another table and give you lots of space. How sad - family should be the one group of people you can rely on for support. Why should you sit in a dingy loo on a day out because your mum and sister have weird attitudes towards breasts being used for their natural purpose?

Also who are these men who have to be protected from a baby feeding off a boob? Do men really find the sight of an infant suckling a breast sexually arousing in some way so can't be exposed to it? What could possibly happen if he saw a bit of your boob?!

StarfishSandwich · 11/10/2018 21:24

YADNBU! Feeding with a cover is fiddly, especially with a tiny baby when you probably need to be able to see what’s going on to ensure good position and attachment; and feeding in the loo would be disgusting.

I produce what would not be unreasonably referred to as ‘a shit ton of milk’ currently and breastfeeding involves a whole load of tucking muslins in various locations in order for me and DS not to end up soaked through with milk and does mean my breast is often exposed for a short period of time (unclip bra, remove pad, expose boob, tuck muslins over bra and top, attach DS) and I’m still just cracking on with it wherever he needs feeding because he is the priority! I literally could not care less who might be offended by a few seconds of visible nipple.

Original poster

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 21:24

I love that verbena! Like I said, I probably just won't go, but I am going to suggest that before I say I'm not going! Maybe that will show them the actual point. She likes to look around and hates to be covered. If it falls on her she starts screaming and writhing, which actually shows more boob than feeding. I thought maybe I was being unreasonable because my sisters boyfriend would be there, but now I see I'm not the one being unreasonable.

I was going to feed her before going, she probably would just sleep through the meal anyway. Now I don't want to risk going.

OP posts:

AnotherPidgey · 11/10/2018 21:26

It's probably a bit too passive agressive to get their dinner served on the toilet or stick muslins over their heads. Putting a muslin on your own head when your food is served might make a point.

Their attitudes are ridiculous. New babies have the right to be fed wherever they happen to be.

RoboJesus · 11/10/2018 21:27

Just send them with their plates to the bathroom to eat if they feel uncomfortable

gothefcktosleep · 11/10/2018 21:27

I have a cover up that has a wire inside so baby can look at me and vice versa. It’s 100% cotton but in the summer I found it was a little furnace. I feel bad for covering DD when she’s feeding too... but I also just don’t want people to see my baps, it’s more about me than them.

Cover or no cover I’ve never ever ever considered it weird to BF at the dinner table? These people who think feeding a young baby with a developing immune system in a loo is a better alternative are absolutely off their heads. Such a shame.

Fraula · 11/10/2018 21:29

I wouldn't go because I'd be too pissed off. YANBU!!

SomeKnobend · 11/10/2018 21:29

What's wrong with them?! I wouldn't go. Who the fuck still thinks it's OK to feed a baby in a fucking toilet. And if you did want to, you could feed in the toilet at home for free, literally at your own convenience - why would you go to a restaurant to do that?!

Spiderdemon · 11/10/2018 21:29

She will cover herself as much as she needs!! To be comfortable but also maybe to see what the baby's doing, ensure the angle is right, check latch, make sure baby can breathe etc etc. I doubt OP wants to flash her boobs to everyone but she's focusing on something a bit more important. Sit in the corner by the wall to feel less exposed and more secure - but not for family's benefit but to help the old oxytocin & letdown - and just crack on, OP. Your family are out of date and very odd.

Chattycat78 · 11/10/2018 21:31

Sod that. I fed everywhere and you should feel no shame at all doing the same! Don’t go slinking off to the toilet- if course you should feed at the table!

Ilovecookiedough · 11/10/2018 21:31

How very odd of them. I've been breastfeeding for nearly 3 years (2 children, without much break between them) I've never sat in a toilet or even left the table or wherever I happened to be for that matter to do it. Why should I? I was feeding at a wedding last week waiting for the bride to walk in, no one noticed. I never cover the baby but always my boob, you can't tell I'm feeding unless you really stared. I don't understand what your mum and sister's problem is?

Chattycat78 · 11/10/2018 21:32

Btw- feeding tops are good for maximum covering up. You’ll hardly be getting your entire boobs out!

Original poster

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 21:32

My mum probably wasn't being passive aggressive- it was more likely an off-colour joke meant to make me want to cover up, that my sister took seriously. If it was further along in the baby's life I'd probably express some but I just don't have the supply at the moment.

My mum has actually been really helpful since the baby arrived so that just came as a bit of a shock, and I took it seriously. It probably was a joke, thinking now

OP posts:

BakedBeans47 · 11/10/2018 21:32

Why the bloody hell would they all need to move to another table? What a bunch of weirdos.

Fishforclues · 11/10/2018 21:33

She is very, very new though. It gets easier to cover up if you want to as they get older and you both get more practiced, and the reality of sitting across a 1m table from your relatives and sister's boyfriend may mean you don't particularly fancy sitting there exposed anyway. Definitely don't do the loo thing, obviously. What's the point of going for a meal out if you have to sit in the loo for 20 mins while your dinner goes cold anyway?

With a newborn, ONLY go out to dinner with people who will at the very least take turns jiggling the baby while you all eat in shifts. Theoretically the baby might sleep through, but IME in reality they have a knack of waking up and starting to scream as soon as your chips arrive!

diddl · 11/10/2018 21:34

If your baby feeds for a while-how are you at eating one handed??

The only reason I'd not go is if I might not get to eat my meal easily/while it's still hot.

They sound really hung up tbh.

DartmoorDoughnut · 11/10/2018 21:34

They do understand that feeding a baby is literally the entire point of us having boobs right? Muppets.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/10/2018 21:35

My mum probably wasn't being passive aggressive- it was more likely an off-colour joke meant to make me want to cover up

How is that not passive aggressive, if she did intend to make you feel embarrassed into covering up? It's certainly not kind and supportive, is it?

Cheby · 11/10/2018 21:35

I would either:

A) tell them to get fucked

B) bring a bag full of muslin cloths, and when baby needs feeding hand one to every person at your table and suggest they pop it over their own head while she feeds. Then feed at the table and enjoy your meal.

WeeM · 11/10/2018 21:35

Personally I hated covers as I flet it just drew more attention. Plus at that age mine would take at least 45 for a feed if not more, so basically that would mean a lot of lunch spent in the bog! No chance!

cookiesandchocolate · 11/10/2018 21:37

Just latch the baby on and pop a Muslim over whilst you're at the table. I had to do that, I get it's frustrating but if it's going to cause issues then I couldn't be bothered to fight. Yanbu btw but family dynamics can get complicated

shakeyourcaboose · 11/10/2018 21:37

@cheby my thoughts exactly! @julie I have a fabulous wrap you can borrow!

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 11/10/2018 21:39

Cookies, did the Muslim not mind? Did you use the same one every time?

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