Breastfeeding at table

[JillianHoltzmann]

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

If you don't know definitely let your family know why. My inlaws used to usher me into another room to feed during Sunday dinner, but I eventually got sick of eating a cold roast while everyone else tucked into pudding, as DD had mammoth never ending feeds. They just had to get used to it, and I could never use a cover either, any distractions and DD wouldn't feed and would be on and off looking around. YADNBU

Personally I hated covers as I flet it just drew more attention.

Same - I've only ever seen someone using a cover in real life once. It is also the only time I've seen people staring at a breastfeeding woman, I think because people were confused about what was actually going on.

Did you know it’s a survival instinct even in very small babies to wriggle in order to get anything covering their face off them? Babies are amazing.

Feeding small babies in public is harder than feeding older babies so it’s harder to be discreet but FFS your family can just get over it. Better a bit if exposed flesh than a screaming baby any day. If your sis is so concerned her boyfriend is going to be unavoidably overcome with lust at the sight of nipple pads, maternity bras and distended nipples then she’s got more problems than she knows

I love the idea of covers for your family’s heads, but this made me LOL
Stay home, eat topless pizza.

Why would her BF be looking at your boobs anyway? Women breastfeed around me all the time at groups, I never stare at them just notice out of the corner of my eye or whatev while looking around. Only a weirdo or perv would stare at them. None of the men stare at them either.

I'm having A big Christmas dinner in an expensive posh restaurant with my family, if they have a problem with my breastfeeding my baby at the table then I will tell them that they can leave whilst baby eats.

Can you use a Muslin perhaps to cover slightly if your sister is being ridiculously precious?

WOW what a bunch of uptight twits.

Your sister sounds like a pillock as well. Doesn't want her boyfriend to see your boobs?! WTAF?!

When a mother is breastfeeding, you can't see anything.

Your sister has issues. So does your mum.

Tell them that you are not going, because you refuse to be treated like a fucking animal.

@BrightonGallery, don’t be an arse. Op is not going to sit there topless.

Op, your family is weird. You’re doing really well. Don’t let them stop you.

I used to faff about with covers with DD1. Give zero fucks with DD2. It has been a revelation. So much less stressful.

Lol at all this cover yourself up be ‘circumspect’ business - what on earth are you people doing when you’re feeding babies?? I just had strappy vest and feeding bra under a normal top, top comes up, vest and tit flap come down, baby latches - boom, takes three seconds, and you can’t see anything! Draping a big cloth or cover over yourself is much more ostentatious imo.

I'm sorry OP this has put you in an awkward position. If I was you I probably wouldn't go as I wouldn't want to feed in the manky toilet (especially in the early days when it can take ages then they fall asleep feeding and I was never sure if they'd finished so left them on for ages) but I'd also feel weird feeding at the table now I knew my brother in law would faint at the sight of a glimpse of my skin.

I still have no idea why people have such an issue with feeding, there is a baby's head in front of your nipple and unless you've whipped your top off completely and both your boobs are out, there is nothing to see, certainly less than if you were wearing a low cut top and presumably they wouldn't vet your clothes beforehand incase your brother in law thought he could see some skin?

It's strange your sister doesn't seem to trust her partner at all

I've only seen someone use a cover once and it was bizarre - like a big flashing neon sign announcing you were feeding. Her baby didn't like it and she soon ditched it

Whatever you do please don't feed in the toilet though - it will piss you off and add to the myth that breastfeeding is dirty and needs to be done in private

Could you call the pub and see if they have a little room or anything you could use? If not I'd just decline on the basis that if they're not comfortable you feeding infrton of them and you have to go elsewhere you'll most liekly miss the majority of the meal anyway so is a bit pointless you going.

MadameButterface

I'm more uncomfortable showing my scarred, flabby, stretchy marky stomach off than boob so I pull top down rather than up - probably why I've had a few looks in the past 😂 Oh well!

bring a bag full of muslin cloths, and when baby needs feeding hand one to every person at your table and suggest they pop it over their own head while she feeds. Then feed at the table and enjoy your meal.

I love this idea, although your DSis might worry her BF might try to get a peep!

Feed where ever you want to. It's disgusting your mum suggested you feed your baby in the toilet!! Tell her she's more than welcome to eat in there if she gets to uncomfortable. If your baby needs a feed your baby needs a feed.

I personally have and still do feed where ever I want too. That's what breasts are for!!! My little girl will not be cover and never wanted to be. It's not like you can see much any way their heads cover the nipple unless they're really looking.

Make a stand now or they'll just keep on.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Don't cover up, don't fartarse about with cloaks and cloths- that'll just make your baby frustrated.

No baby should be feeding in a toilet. Does your sister plan to take her bottle-fed baby into the toilet to feed?

Anyone who doesn't want to see can look at their own dinner.

How ridiculous. Omg, you have a tiny baby. Mine’s over 2 years old and regularly still demands milk while we are eating (at home or out), if I sloped off to the toilet how would I ever manage to eat? Oh it’s too ridiculous for words. Tell them to get lost.

I fed my dc in front of my DP, DB, DF, DFIL, DBIL, uncles as well as all the female members of the family. Often at breakfast, lunch and dinner while eating with one hand myself.

You are doing great for your baby and your future niece or nephew to be strong on this. I feel like they want to embarrass you to make you cover up in future. I would honestly just go and if baby needs fed then feed baby as you normally would. If they want to cause drama and move to other tables then so be it, it’ll get old pretty quick if your baby is anything like mine was and feeds hourly! I made the decision to feed my baby by boob everywhere I would have felt comfortable by bottle, so church, library, bus stops, planes etc. etc. etc.
Totally agree on covers, in my 17 month frequent feeding experience it just made a hot, sweaty frustrated, screaming baby. This obviously draws attention to the situation.

For what it’s worth I had a non supporting, bottle feeding family. My mum would declare my son spoiled every time he fed and physically stand between me and men if we were out in public and offer every scarf. I just got on with it and ignored her, make sure you surround yourself with good support and ignore any ignorant comments.

It would be nice to think that mum and sister and boyfriend are reasonable people, but maybe that's not the case. If they were, then you could say, in a perfectly even tone of voice, that you'll be bringing the baby and you'll be feeding the baby, and you're not going to be particularly shy about it, and will they please prepare themselves for it. And they, as reasonable people, would say all right then, that'll be fine. You could reassure them that normal conversation can continue.

I'm sorry for the boyfriend, who might be a young fellow who's used to thinking of women's breasts in sexual terms and nothing else. It would be so much better if he could widen his thinking. And who knows, maybe sister could change her mind.

I'd be tempted to cover to feed then sit boobs out for the rest of the time. For goodness sake, they're breasts, you see very little when a baby is latched on. If people don't want to see it's incredibly easy not to look.

Half way house. Lounge or nice comfy sofa with lunch on tray as dinning chairs cant be comfy whilst you breast feed. Im sure some of your family come to keep you comany. No idea why toilet was mentioned that stupid. Its yuk.

Oh now I’ve read the full thread (and googled the meaning of circumspect) I’m entirely relieved and happy that I am NOT like ‘most circumspect mothers’ or whatever term was used to describe women who cover up - and I’m actually really proud that I’m not.

Be proud OP. You’re doing amazingly well, and frankly your sister sounds insecure in her relationship and may well need support later but I really doubt her bf will care that much about a tiny flash of someone else’s flesh (suspect if he’s ever been on holiday he’s likely seen more flesh on the beach).

Verbena87

Feed at the table and bring a nice light non-smothering drapery scarf. Any grown-ups who are frightened of tits can put it over their head while you and your baby enjoy your lunch

Sounds like a perfect solution to me.

Maybe it's not her not wanting her boyfriend to see your boobs maybe he just doesn't know where to look?

I mean that in the nicest possible way but I've had some friends literally whip full boob out in front of my husband and he doesn't know where to look (!)

Of course there is nothing wrong with feeding at the table and yes that is boobs primary purpose etc etc.

If you feel up to going out for Sunday lunch at 2 and half weeks fair play to you I could barely string a sentence together!

Honestly your family are crazy. You just do what’s best for your child.

This reply from Fishforclues cracked me up "I have to say I always disliked BF at the table. Anywhere else, fine, but at a dining table it just felt a bit weird". It's the dinner table. The baby is eating along with everyone else. It's the most un-weird place you can imagine!

I wore breastfeeding tops when I was getting the hang of it. Covers strike me as very attention seeking in Britain. I've only ever seen two people using them and they attracted far more attention than a baby snuggled at the boob.