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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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PhilomenaButterfly · 17/10/2018 06:11

I had a shopping trip at 4 days post partum, I also had a nearly 4yo in tow. It included supper in the Asda café, about 5 feeds for DS2 and about 5 toilet trips for DD. It took 5 hours, and DH turned up wondering where we were.

smotheroffive · 17/10/2018 07:05

Sad ouch! How traumatising for you Jillian and then to be out dragging round the shops. You sound to be doing a lot to appease others and need to put yourself first a bit more.

It's not 'on you', she was there and this was your birth, this time, but if she's been traumatised by it then she needs to get talking and more education around it to geet it I'm context, and latching on for me was completely painless. Out of our 6 strong nct group, only two has issues with nipple soreness but none that horrible passing glass sensation.

Great that you had that support from your DM to be able to go there but sound like it was more of a social affair for her than support for you.

I think shes putting you at the back of things again Sad

This after care wasn't about her, and neither was your bf at lunch. All a bit Hmm

Glad lunch went well Flowers

smotheroffive · 17/10/2018 07:10

So your baby is about 3 weeks? You said you,re staying with DM first few weeks so you still there, I've got confused I think!

ethelfleda · 17/10/2018 08:15

I had the painful letdown - passing glass thingy. Nipple soreness isn’t too bad to deal with I didn’t think as long as you have some lansinoh!
And the painful let down thing didn’t last very long. I’m sure it wasn’t even a week.

IABURQO · 17/10/2018 08:54

If you're still getting pain in your nipples, get checked by your GP for thrush and speak to a breastfeeding consultant about your latch. There's a sharp sensation, but there genuinely shouldn't be pain at that level, don't suffer through needlessly.

smotheroffive · 17/10/2018 12:01

No-one I knew ever, oh yes, one actually DSis, had it, all the other bf s not; no sharp sensation just the tingling of let-down, if they felt that as not everyone does.

It would be indicative of thrush, easily cleared. I hope everything settles down for you

BrewsD · 17/10/2018 14:33

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable feeding in a public place (that's just how I feel) but neither would I be offended if a friend/my sister decided to breastfeed at the table.
I'd have no problem breastfeeding at home in front of my mother, in fact once I have my baby she'll be my first point of call if I encounter any breastfeeding problems!
I am however worried about feeding in front of the in laws when they visit... I am ashamed to say I will be slipping upstairs with baby to feed... Only because I would feel uncomfortable doing so in front of them.
It's a personal thing and I think everyone should do whatever they feel most comfortable doing without judgement from others.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 17/10/2018 16:20

BrewsD, if your baby isn’t here yet I would wait to see what you’re happy with. You might feel the same way, but your urge to just look after your baby may be stronger than the embarrassment you’re currently feeling. I couldn’t imagine doing it before I did it, iyswim

speakout · 17/10/2018 16:26

BrewsD

You don't know how you will feel.

You don't have a baby yet.

BrewsD · 17/10/2018 16:48

Maybe so @speakout @Beesandfrogsandfleas
As I said, I'd have no problem anyone else breastfeeding wherever they want to, I however feel I would be far too self conscious to do so in public.
Just offering another view, baby will be here soon enough so I won't be long finding out.

speakout · 17/10/2018 16:50

BrewsD

I felt the same as you before I had my first child.

The whole idea of exposing my breast in public horrified me.

It didn't take very long for me to have a complete turnaround on that one.

LaurieMarlow · 17/10/2018 16:54

BrewsD I felt very similar to you before I had my DS. When he arrived, the desire to feed him when he cried overwhelmed everything else.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 17/10/2018 17:00

YANBU at all OP! Breast feeding IMO is so so beautiful and natural. I have no issue BF-ing in public even if other people object. You should absolutely feel comfortable BF-ing wherever you like, you’re nourishing your baby. No mother should lock herself away in a toilet to feed her baby.

Fightthebear · 17/10/2018 17:09

BrewsD - I felt like that at first, really shy about it.

By 4 months I was feeding in restaurants, cafes, on the tube and once walking around the supermarket (baby Bjorn worked a treat for that).

Only on one single occasion did I have anyone so much as give me a negative response. Lots of people went out of their way to say something supportive.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 17/10/2018 18:02

brewsd honestly I felt exactly the same before I had the baby. Literally the first time I fed her after birth I had a stranger nurse come to help me with the latch and after that I didn't care.

Until my family made their feelings known Grin but whichever way you choose, I've started to realise that the most important thing is that you're both happy with it and comfortable in your decision.

philomena well done you! At day three I'd just been released from the hospital that morning (they had some concerns about my health) and I was exhausted. I'd had 2 dihydrocodeine, 2 ibuprofen and a paracetamol so I felt that as long as they were still in time I could go. When I got home and they wore off i was in quite significant pain 😂😂

OP posts:
smotheroffive · 18/10/2018 00:36

It felt so strange to start with but then the most natural thing in the world.
I was horrified at the thought of BF publicly, or in front of replies, but soon was doing all that; once I'd got comfortable with it there was no stopping us?

Have boobs will travel! The younger they are the more transportable.

PhilomenaButterfly · 18/10/2018 05:57

The local Italian restaurant has a pizza van in the park (bear with me). One day the man serving asked if I'd like a beer, I said no thanks, I'm bfing, he said bfing was life force. 😁

PhilomenaButterfly · 18/10/2018 06:02

That does not sound fun Jillian! I've never ever repeated my experience. Next time was a month later and we had lunch instead of supper.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 18/10/2018 13:04

philomena we should start a support group for women who overestimate their abilities postpartum Grin

OP posts:
Alaria4 · 18/10/2018 13:23

My father made a remark whilst I was pregnant.
"I would disown you if I saw you feeding in public"

It led to fall out later down the line (influenced by other factors)

My sister and I gave birth within 6 weeks of each other.

Sisters baby was a few months old and she was very nervous and shy about feeding (no surprise with a father like ours, eh!?)

My sister ended up feeding in a bedroom upstairs when she was at his home.

Fast forward to a few weeks later, I was present this time so I sat next to my dad and started breastfeeding my baby. My sister sat the other side and took my father about 2 minutes before he squirmed off to make coffees.

In time, I think his ignorance started to wear down and he managed to make his awkwardness in to jokes.

We sat in a restaurant together and baby needed feeding, he asked me if i would like him to have a go at feeding but said he's not sure he could produce any milk. It became quite comical and we still take the piss out of him these days, sort of miss breastfeeding just so we can annoy him Smile

I'm all for respecting other people's wishes but it's feeding a baby fgs. Avert your eyes or piss off if you don't like it. Just my opinion and I've breastfed and bottle fed, couldn't care less as long as baby is fed.

Sorry for the long comment, my advice to any breastfeeding mother would be to find some confidence within yourself, realise you are doing something incredibly natural and if others don't like it you can respectfully tell them that it is completely OK if they disagree.... Just pass them a blanket and tell them to cover up haha.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 18/10/2018 16:45

No reason you can’t have one beer when you’re bfing Philomena, that’s not enough to have a negative effect Brew Smile

PhilomenaMothra · 18/10/2018 21:56

True. But I was actually about to bf DS2, I was just putting our order in 1st. I just loved what the guy said. 😀

pinkstripeycat · 20/10/2018 07:28

Boobs are for feeding babies. Anyone who thinks it’s about the boobs has a dirty mind. I’m sure sis boyfriend won’t want to look at your boobs whilst feeding. If you don’t get support from your own family it’s a poor do

ForalltheSaints · 20/10/2018 07:31

I am saddened that in the 21st century this is even an issue. I was supportive of the law introduced in Scotland for essentially breastfeeding rights, but saddened it was needed.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2018 07:40

I 've always assumed that people who are anti bf are a bit thick.