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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
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heatherscot · 11/10/2018 21:07

I'd either politely not go if I felt really strongly about it, or cover up a bit at the table when feeding, no big deal either surely?

MandalaYogaTapestry · 11/10/2018 21:09

No feeding in the toilets obviously, but why can't you cover up this one time? This is called being considerate since it was mentioned. It is easy enough for you to ensure that nobody feels uncomfortable. They are family, would it be too much to ask?

Verbena87 · 11/10/2018 21:09

Feed at the table and bring a nice light non-smothering drapery scarf. Any grown-ups who are frightened of tits can put it over their head while you and your baby enjoy your lunch 👍🏼

3boysandabump · 11/10/2018 21:09

I wouldn't go. I also don't like putting a Muslin or anything over for cover as little fella likes to look at me while he gets his grub. Your sister is obviously the insecure jealous type to feel weird about her bf seeing your boobs while you feed your baby. And with a mother like that it's no wonder your sister feels weird about it.

Do you go to a bf group? If so you should get the group to go to the restaurant at the same time and you can all get your boobs out for the little ones and if they don't like it they can piss off to the toilets 😂

Verbena87 · 11/10/2018 21:09

*drapey

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/10/2018 21:10

Yeah, screw that and screw them. Your mum's 'request' isn't reasonable, and nor was it asked in a reasonable way - what she did (speaking to your through the baby) was incredibly passive aggressive. I don't think that meal's going to be much fun whether you feed during it or not.

EwItsAHooman · 11/10/2018 21:11

why can't you cover up this one time?

Why should she have to? Would you like to eat your dinner with a cloth over your head?

shakeyourcaboose · 11/10/2018 21:11

bestseller what do you mean? no need to go out of your way to make people uncomfortable what's uncomfortable about a baby being fed?

Pixie2015 · 11/10/2018 21:11

I wouldn’t go either and I certainly wouldn’t breast feed in a public toilet (actually do feed in the toilet at home when necessary !)

Shockers · 11/10/2018 21:12

Verbena87, that’s the best solution yet! Grin

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 21:14

The thing is I know they don't like it, when my mum and sister are round they'll be fine but one time my brother walked in while baby was already latched at my mums and Mum threw a muslin over me. I just find it really uncomfortable and weird that they're so prudish about this one thing, they're fine discussing sex! And she feeds for ages too so like you sod I'd be stuck in the toilet or under a blanket for ages!

I will probably wait for my sister to leave and show my mum this thread to help me explain why that makes me uncomfortable, and if she's bloody insistent I won't go.

OP posts:
agnurse · 11/10/2018 21:14

Some babies will not tolerate a cover. YANBU. I'd just ask if they had a problem with many bars or with gentleman's clubs - you can see all kinds of boobs there!

DryIce · 11/10/2018 21:14

Offer to give them all a feeding warning so they can all avert their precious eyes

HopeGarden · 11/10/2018 21:15

It’s such a shame that your family are being so unsupportive.

I wouldn’t feed my baby in a toilet. Toilets aren’t for eating in.

I’ve breastfed my babies in plenty of public places, including at restaurant tables, and really, once baby is latched on, there’s very little breast visible for others to see. If other people don’t want to see it then they should be perfectly capable of looking in a different direction while the baby feeds.

TheWeatherGirl1 · 11/10/2018 21:16

Don't go. Ridiculous.

Drummingisfun · 11/10/2018 21:16

Oh good grief, tell them your baby will be having dinner at the table the same as everyone else.
It's not like you will be sitting there topless! If you wear a feeding top or do one up/one down with a vest top you can't see much at all.

Fishforclues · 11/10/2018 21:18

I have to say I always disliked BF at the table. Anywhere else, fine, but at a dining table it just felt a bit weird, and I avoided it when I could. Not really sure why, maybe because there were other people sat so close and so directly opposite. But obviously it's preferable to feeding a baby in the toilet - that's just horrid.

This brings back memories of feeding my youngest at Frankie and Benny's once when a man decided to be offended by me. He showed this by staring pointedly at my chest and refusing to look away. Bloody daft! He could have looked literally anywhere else in the whole restaurant and been spared the sight that so offended him Confused

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 21:19

bestseller it's a restaurant. And she did say that, I didn't realise she was talking about breastfeeding at first, I genuinely didn't understand what she meant. It was weird.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 11/10/2018 21:19

I think they are being ridiculous. It really shows how we as a society have forgotten what breastd are for.

twiglet · 11/10/2018 21:20

I wouldn't go if that was their attitude!

Being expected to feed a baby in a toilet is not only ridiculous but horrible as well!

speakout · 11/10/2018 21:20

Bring covers for your family.

They can cover their heads so they don't have to watch.

Fishforclues · 11/10/2018 21:21

speakout Grin

ivykaty44 · 11/10/2018 21:22

Tell your family to go to the loo whilst you breast feed if they feel awkward - I’m sure them sitting in the loo isn’t a problem and if dinner is served the waiting staff can be asked to pop the food through, alternative option they wear black glasses and they won’t see a thing 😉

AlmostAlwyn · 11/10/2018 21:22

Put your big girl pants on and tell them where to go. You are definitely not being unreasonable! And definitely do not go and feed elsewhere! It's a good opportunity to get your family used to breastfeeding - and they'll get the chance to see that there's no nipples waving about anywhere, or whatever it is they're imagining they'll be subjected to Hmm

You're still in the early stages so you need all the support you can get. You are doing a great job! Don't let anyone let you think otherwise! Flowers

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/10/2018 21:22

By all means talk to them about it, but realistically they're not going to be nice about it during the meal, are they? They're going to make you feel uncomfortable even if they don't say anything. At, what, three weeks postpartum I think you can find nicer and more relaxed ways to spend your time.