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Original poster

Did i over react about dinner?

214 replies

Noodle101 · 11/10/2018 20:23

Long time lurker just changer username for privacy. Probably should have put this in relationships but wanted here for traffic.

Currently sitting in tears over what seems to be the most ridiculous argument with my dp. There is 5 years of history where arguments have often,I feel, have been of his quick temper and unreasonable behaviour.

Tonight we were cooking a stirfry, he tells me to go back in the sitting room as he will cook, I go back into the kitchen to say I think its burning, he is standing over the heat and shouts at me its not burning. I feel frustrated and (this makes me sounds about 2) stamp one foot and say listen to me, i don't want the food to be ruined. DP proceeds to fling the frying pan against the wall and chuck food across the kitchen into the sink and shout at me. He then goes upstairs, i follow him saying what the hell, why are you so quick to anger? I then am so shocked and upset that i say i don't want to be with him anymore and i go downstairs and have a glass of wine to calm down.

10 mins later he is downstairs saying he understands he overreacted but only did so because i was berating him about the food, and all he keeps saying to me is is the food actually burnt? As if that will validate him being so quick to anger.

Sorry if this seems so ridiculous I just wonder if he has reacted unnecessarily or if I drove him to it? Last week we had an argument because he said a few nasty things about my job choices, he has apologised profusely for that, but obviously I am now really upset that another argument has occurred.

OP posts:
FlowThroughIt · 11/10/2018 23:04

No one likes a backseat cook...

bluetrampolines · 11/10/2018 23:17

I think he pushes your buttons and your loyalty to your relationship keeps you there. He isn't nice or fair and your tolerance is zero. You do respect him. But as the person you thought he was. Not who you are learning he really is.

Been there done that leave him.

ScattyCharly · 11/10/2018 23:22

The things are not on the same level.

“Stop fucking interfering” might have been an ordinary response from someone with a hot temper. But throwing the pan Shock, that’s too much. Line crossed imo.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 11/10/2018 23:30

Yes. I’ve never seen an adult stamp their foot at someone. It is unusual and aggressive adult behaviour.
I’m not sure why the competition of which was worse is so important? None of us were there to see if the dp slammed the pan down or was flinging it around the kitchen in a dangerous manner.
I wouldn’t like to be in a relationship with someone who stamped their foot at me or threw things in a tantrum tbh.

tolerable · 11/10/2018 23:33

fairy nuf.ive reverted to beavis n butthead "bumsexatbingo"brilliant.;)

themuttsnutts · 11/10/2018 23:43

Tbh, I'm with you, op. Much as Hate people standing over me cooking, he didn't seem to be paying attention to it burning or willing to listen and do something sbout it. Yes, I wouldn't like bring told but all he had to do is turn down the heat.

As for calling you back in, why? How many people does it take to cook a stir fry?

Also, wrt chucking the pan, I would find that quite frightening so totally agree that it's unacceptable. Nothing deserved that reaction

Allthewaves · 11/10/2018 23:49

This isn't about food from his point I think. I'd say your coming across as not trusting him and treating him like a child.

Charliecatpaws · 12/10/2018 00:00

Who has cleaned the kitchen wall? I’m assuming that your both about 19 and in your first year of uni?

kateandme · 12/10/2018 00:33

man goes into kitchen when woman trying to cook.ask if shes burning it.then stamps feet in huff.im thinking some of the replys would be the woman should hve thrown the pan at his head...

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 12/10/2018 00:53

You stamped your foot? Wow. I have never seen anyone older than 3 do that. You both behaved abominably, but if he threw a hot pan of food at the wall he was worse. Although, if he did that how come you were able to eat the food?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/10/2018 00:57

You both overreacted, you don’t sound like you should be together, it sounds highly volatile and potentially dangerous.
Would you want children to witness such hysteria and violence over a bloody stir fry?

SilverBirchTree · 12/10/2018 00:58

Can not believe the responses here! There is no equivalence between stamping your foot and THROWING a HOT PAN against the wall. One is an immature way to show frustration, the other is a threat of violence, a destructive act and apparently a complete loss of control.

This is abusive behaviour BY HIM. No woman deserves abuse. Everything else in your post is irrelevant.

He's dangerous. He's manipulative to try and make you feel like you 'forced him' to loose control of his anger.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/10/2018 01:02

While I agree with you silver in that his behaviour was way worse, I would suggest that there’s a back story that we know nothing about.
I’d hazard a guess that op has thrown a few things in her time

kateandme · 12/10/2018 01:41

I don't think we can jump to calling him a abuser without backstory.i would be pissed off.a bit shaken if someone in my household did that but I would be more shocked, knowing who they are they would definitely not be an abuser who would be abusing us.that is whats hard bout musnet or written words we would need to see him,the realtionshpi and the fatial expressions or situation to make such leaps in this situation as from the post it doesn't seem black and white to me.
yes there are times a post can stink of the start of abuse or out of control and ltb behaviour but there seems to be something more to this going on between the two of you.
I don't know I could be so stupidly wrong.and im sorry for if I am.in which case you need to think of ur safety op and decide what to do next.
because 5 years of this?!doesn't sound like things are pleasant for either of you after so long of a flying temper id be exhausted.

babbscrabbs · 12/10/2018 02:34

Hang on.

The op said he "flung it at a wall".

That could be very very different than hurling a pan of boiling hot oil/food across a room.

It could be shoving the pan towards the back wall of the hob no where NEAR where the OP was, for example.

But everyone's assuming he's hurling it full speed across a room generally towards OP in a violent rage.

What one is it OP?

Monty27 · 12/10/2018 02:45

He threw the food across the kitchen and shouted?

Wtf? Omg he's not right.
I can't tell you what to do I can merely opine.
*That's a wrong'un+
Run and don't look back. Good luck

Cupoteap · 12/10/2018 05:51

If someone removes themselves from a situation like that please don't follow them to carry it on. That is really not behaviour you want to continue with.

I understand you didn't feel heard, and by stamping your foot it sounds like it's not a new thing.

The middle of an argument isn't the time to make a stand and be heard.

ohlittlepea · 12/10/2018 05:57

He was unreasonable to throw the pan, but you didn't do well either, it sounds like he asked you to leave him be so he coukd cook but you decided to return an criticise and stamp your foot....it doesn't sound like you have a healthy relationship

SD1978 · 12/10/2018 05:58

You both over reacting- him more so. He told you he would cook. He was standing over the dish. You co tinier to make comments and did a 2 year old footstamp. He cracked it and threw dinner both in the wrong bit his reaction more concerning.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 12/10/2018 06:07

You stomped your foot? What are you 3?!

Just let him cook. You didn't need to go back in and you being there criticising is what would have ruined it.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2018 06:47

*Babsscrabs

The op said he "flung it at a wall".

That could be very very different than hurling a pan of boiling hot oil/food across a room.

It could be shoving the pan towards the back wall of the hob no where NEAR where the OP was, for example.

But everyone's assuming he's hurling it full speed across a room generally towards OP in a violent rage.

What one is it OP?*

[Applause] Well done that lady

Yes there really is a world of difference between overarm bowling a pan of hot oil across a room, narrowly missing the OP's head (the assumption that has been made by many here) and perhaps the much more likely scenario of banging the pan back on the hob firmly, spilling it, then stroppily scooping the food into the sink or something.

We really need clarification before assessing how much of a wife beater the guy is/isn't.

My money is on the OP being an irritating nightmare who looks for an argument/dodges attempts to deescalate one (seriously who follows someone after that exchange?)

Please leave him for his sake

IHeartKingThistle · 12/10/2018 07:08

I can't believe people are saying stamping a foot is as bad as throwing a pan. I couldn't be with someone who throws stuff. Just feels like people love putting the boot in.

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2018 07:45

No one is saying stamping your foot is as bad as throwing a pan, but as they then ate the meal, it's unlikely he threw it at the wall as you're imagining,

In addition, if this was a woman posting that she was cooking dinner, her husband was sitting drinking wine, and he came in and told her she wasn't doing it right and then stamped his foot,the responses would be ltb.

As a pp said, no one ever stamped their foot whilst talking calmly and pleasantly, so she was clearly having a good old go at him and she started it. There was no need.

As previously said, if I was cooking dinner and my husband walked in and told me I wasn't doing it right, got angry, started stamping his foot, I'd be fucking angry too. Not many people wouldn't be. And as also said, he clearly didn't pick it up and throw it violently against the wall, as they ate the meal and she agreed it " wasn't that burnt" which likely translates to, wasn't burnt at all.

Bubba1234 · 12/10/2018 07:48

You should have left him to it

Rhiannon13 · 12/10/2018 07:56

Ugh too much drama. You definitely have issues as a couple that need to be sorted out if you don't want this to escalate.

You need to stop foot stamping like a child (seriously, only children do this) and he needs to get his temper under control.

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