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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sons baby

283 replies

Fcukfour · 10/10/2018 17:45

My son had a baby 16 weeks ago. They’ve bought baby round to my house once, I live 4 miles away. Am I unreasonable to want to see baby more? I do go there at least once a week, but I’m conscious of being “the interfering mother in law”

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/10/2018 17:46

Ask them nicely when's the best time to call round and try to fit in with that.

44PumpLane · 10/10/2018 17:47

YANBU to want to see your GC more, so go see them!

A 16 week old baby is tiring- maybe they can’t be arsed to go out.

However if they are out and about every day visiting everyone else but you then maybe you have a legitimate gripe.

poglets · 10/10/2018 17:48

I don't think you should expect them to be visiting you at this stage. Send a nice message and ask when would be convenient for you to visit next? They're probably exhausted.

Racecardriver · 10/10/2018 17:49

Well the baby is very young. They probably dibt like taking it out/are too exhausted to go about visiting other people.

Ceecee18 · 10/10/2018 17:49

You say you've been round at least once a week. So its not as if you aren't seeing the baby so I don't really understand the problem?

If it's that they haven't bought the baby to your house then yes, you are being unreasonable. They have a small child, unless there's a reason that travel is particularly difficult for you then it's easier for you to go to them rather than them drag all the baby stuff to your house.

I didn't take DD to my parents house for 4 months as it was easier for them to come to me where I had everything she needed.

WheresTheEvidence · 10/10/2018 17:49

So you see the baby once a week at their house.

Hmm
HatingTheBigShow · 10/10/2018 17:49

Meeting my MIL once a week would be more than enough.

SoyDora · 10/10/2018 17:50

Once a week seems fairly reasonable for visits to me?

Winterfellismyhome · 10/10/2018 17:51

Sorry if ive misunderstood, You see the baby once a week or you've only seen the baby once in 16 weeks?

If its the former, once a week is quite frequent imo

Thelaststand · 10/10/2018 17:51

They might not be able to get out for visits. I hibernated for around 7 months with mine. I was just so tired and small talk was hard.

I would have loved my mil to just offer to take any of kids for a walk so I could have a rest but she was too busy posting memes on facebook about being an amazing grandparent

numberseven · 10/10/2018 17:51

Is it that you want to see the baby more often than once a week, or that you want them to bring the baby to you instead of you visiting them?

Might be you need to adjust your expectations a bit.

Original poster
Fcukfour · 10/10/2018 17:51

Yes they are out and about, have been since week one.

OP posts:
Camomila · 10/10/2018 17:51

If you go there 'at least once a week' I'd say that's plenty, so that's probably why they are not visiting you as well.

Dontknowwhattodo23 · 10/10/2018 17:52

I think once a week is good. Mine see their grandparents once a month

LilMy33 · 10/10/2018 17:53

“At least once a week” sounds plenty. It’s nice you’re enthusiastic about seeing the baby but I’m struggling to see the issue.

SiennaSienna · 10/10/2018 17:53

Ugh. You visit them 'at least' once a week? And they've visited you? That would be more than enough in my opinion.

Original poster
Fcukfour · 10/10/2018 17:54

Okay, I understand I’m being unreasonable. Maybe I just hoped to be more involved with the baby. Thank you all for your replies

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/10/2018 17:54

Once a week? That’s plenty.

PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2018 17:55

How much more do you want?

AmateurSwami · 10/10/2018 17:55

Reverse?

LilMy33 · 10/10/2018 17:55

How much more involved do you want to be at this stage? The baby is still small and will be (I’m guessing) spending most of his/her time with their mummy as most babies do, eating pooing and sleeping mostly.

MemoryOfSleep · 10/10/2018 17:56

I think once a week is verging on too much tbh. Given that they have another set of grandparents to please too and lives of their own to lead. YABU.

GoingToInfinity · 10/10/2018 17:58

Have you offered to do anything to help them?
I would have loved anyone to have offered to help around the house, cook dinner or offer to take my DS for a walk so I could rest/have 5 minutes peace when he was at that age. I just remember feeling permanently exhausted at that stage!

HEIGhtstiAeR · 10/10/2018 17:58

YABVU and ridiculous.

Ceecee18 · 10/10/2018 17:58

You see the baby at least once a week, you are involved.

To be blunt with you, you sound like my mom who expected to see the baby multiple days every week and be babysitting from a very young age. We now only see her once every two weeks max and live over an hours drive away as I couldn't deal with her nagging and guilt trips when things didn't go her way. I understand that you are excited and may be disappointed as it may not meet your expectations of having a grandchild, but for your own sake dont push this with them or you may push them away.