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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sons baby

283 replies

Fcukfour · 10/10/2018 17:45

My son had a baby 16 weeks ago. They’ve bought baby round to my house once, I live 4 miles away. Am I unreasonable to want to see baby more? I do go there at least once a week, but I’m conscious of being “the interfering mother in law”

OP posts:
Original poster
Fcukfour · 12/10/2018 20:06

I space thank you for trying to defend me, but unfortunately on mumsnet you are wasting your time. Of course things will change when it’s back to work time, then all of a sudden maybe I’ll be offered much more time with grandchild 😉.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:07

And you probably have very miserable parents whose children can't be arsed to visit them

Nellyelora · 12/10/2018 20:08

We would pop round PIL on a Sat morning for half an hour (who couldn't manage that?)

Me, as I said. You didn't mention anything about being close by. You just assume people who don't want to visit family are selfish. I could equally say that those who spend most of their maternity leave visiting family have no friends/life.....

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:10

My comment above was for ohshit.
I do sympathise OP, I have two boys so I'm not looking forward to the future when I become the MIL Sad

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:12

nelly I would have thought it was patently obvious that you wouldn't 'pop' to GP for a cup of tea if they're 2.5 hours away.

Nellyelora · 12/10/2018 20:14

You'd think so, eh?

Have fun being a MIL, I look forward to reading your DIL thread in 30 years time.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:17

nelly what's your problem? I'm the bad guy simply because I recognise how much GP love and want to spend time with their grandchildren?

Original poster
Fcukfour · 12/10/2018 20:17

Inspace. I’m not surprised after this thread. This was my first time on here, maybe the last. You would think that those with sons would maybe think ahead and realise that one day this could be them. Will they be quite so horrible then?

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:19

Goodness knows, but there's an awful lot of very selfish people around, sadly

Original poster
Fcukfour · 12/10/2018 20:19

Maybe nelly only has daughters and sit here smuggly.

OP posts:
ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:20

No @inspace, I work and my husband works, it's not about making my parents miserable. It's about family balance, sounds like you're really lacking in that, sounds a very (boring) strange dynamic.

AvoidingDM · 12/10/2018 20:20

We do swimming followed by shopping on Saturday mornings so no its not a good time.

Truthfully the IL's tried 'popping' in on Saturday mornings (before we had kids) they'd arrive 10.30/11.00 stay 2-3 hours.
So it was afternoon before we even got out the door. Honestly it did our heads in.
We couldn't workout how to say No so started getting up and out before 10.00

0lgaDaPolga · 12/10/2018 20:22

I’m glad you’ve worked out a solution with your dil. I would say if you concentrate on having a good relationship with her you will certainly have a good relationship and time with your grandchild in future. I say this as a dil of a mil who loves my son but couldn’t care less about me. It’s painfully obvious that she sees me as nothing more than a uterus to provide grandchildren/an inconvenient barrier to said grandchildren. I know not all Mils are like this and you sound like a lovely and considerate one. She is lucky to have you.

Original poster
Fcukfour · 12/10/2018 20:23

inspace. Yep very selfish. Thank goodness for the minority.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:24

ohshit Ha ha so now I'm 'boring' and 'strange' for making sure our parents saw plenty of my babies while I was on maternity leave. We do both work! Knobber

Poisongirl81 · 12/10/2018 20:25

you can be granny for my kids any day

ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:29

Yeah boring, boring person with no social life, just seeing grandparents. Boring.

Nellyelora · 12/10/2018 20:29

I do only have a dd but I'm pregnant so perhaps I'll have a son in the future, who knows?

My dm sees more of my brother's children than mine and my sisters. Distance is an issue with me but not with my sister so it's not inevitable that MIL don't have a good relationship with their gc or are pushed out by DIL. However, my dm doesn't feel that she's entitled to see her dcs/gc every week or more nor monopolise other people's time.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:30

You sound about 12 ohshit Confused

Almostfifty · 12/10/2018 20:32

It's threads like this that make me sad. I only have boys.

I really hope any DiL I have feel both sides are important.

Original poster
Fcukfour · 12/10/2018 20:33

Poisengirl81. Thank you 😊.

Ohshitnoshit. Inspace is more family orientated than you, do you have to be so nasty?

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:34

This isn't about entitlement or monopolising time. It's about recognising the fact that GP REALLY LOVE their GC, especially when they're small babies, and desperately want to involved. As our parents are close by, I was happy to oblige. It made them happy. And that made me happy. So shoot me.

Homemenu1 · 12/10/2018 20:35

*nSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

My comment above was for ohshit.
I do sympathise OP, I have two boys so I'm not looking forward to the future when I become the MIL sad*

Try to be bring them up with enough self self worth that they choose a life with someone that values their family as well as there own.

ohshitonit · 12/10/2018 20:35

Yes, if someone suggests my parents are miserable because of me I will be nasty.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/10/2018 20:36

You were nasty before that ohshit. I expect you are, in fact, nasty.