Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaids dress

200 replies

berri8 · 10/10/2018 13:52

I am engaged (wedding is in December) and my bridesmaids are my sister and two close friends. When we were discussing bridesmaids dresses, I said that I didn't really care what people wore or even that everyone wore the same if they didn't want to but I just wanted everybody to be happy with their outfits. Friend 1 said that she thought it looked better if everyone wore the same and Friend 2 and my sister didn't seem to have strong views either way so that was fine.

Friend 1 suggested a particular dress very early on and was quite fixated on it. The dress was quite a bit more than I had originally budgeted at £300 per dress so I suggested we shop around a bit first but said we could go for it if they all loved the dress (which I don't think the others do, although they like it well enough). In the end, we ended up going for the dress Friend 1 found, mainly because she wouldn't really entertain any other suggestions - she wasn't rude at all but just kept being negative about any other option. Friend 2 and my sister both offered individually to supplement the cost (which I obviously declined), Friend 1 has never mentioned the cost of the dress and has not thanked me for buying it for her.

I have just seen photos from a wedding Friend 1 went to as a guest last month and noticed that she wore her bridesmaids dress to that wedding. There is quite a lot of overlap with attendees at my wedding (I was invited but couldn't go as I had another wedding). Obviously it's lovely that Friend 1 likes her dress enough to wear it on multiple occasions but I kind of expected the first time she wore it would be at my wedding. I feel like it's a bit cheeky for her to push me into buying her an expensive dress and then wear it before the event, particularly when a lot of the attendees will be the same? I know this isn't really a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it does feel a bit cheeky. I won't mention it to her either way as not worth making a big deal out of but I was just wondering whether others would feel the same way? Or am I being a bridezilla?

OP posts:
Celestia26 · 10/10/2018 14:01

That's CF territory imo. I think her bridesmaids dress should have been worn first at your wedding.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it now that she's worn it.

YANBU to be annoyed though.

Wheresthel1ght · 10/10/2018 14:02

Definitely not bridezilla especially as you bought the dress. She is a massive CF and you should certainly mention it

NameChanger365 · 10/10/2018 14:07

Friend 1 said that she thought it looked better if everyone wore the same - not her call, i’d already think her controlling and rude

Friend 1 suggested a particular dress very early on and was quite fixated on it. The dress was quite a bit more than I had originally budgeted at £300 per dress so I suggested we shop around a bit first but said we could go for it if they all loved the dress (which I don't think the others do, although they like it well enough). In the end, we ended up going for the dress Friend 1 found, mainly because she wouldn't really entertain any other suggestions - she wasn't rude at all but just kept being negative about any other option. She’s being a bridesmaid-zilla

I have just seen photos from a wedding Friend 1 went to as a guest last month and noticed that she wore her bridesmaids dress to that wedding. There is quite a lot of overlap with attendees at my wedding (I was invited but couldn't go as I had another wedding). She’s a total CF - i’d be telling her I no longer had need of her bridesmaid services

Sciurus83 · 10/10/2018 14:07

That's awful!! You must say something to her! £300 is an enormous amount for a dress, and she has been outrageous wearing it to another event first. Totally not on, you're not being a bridezilla at all, is this 'friend' often a CF?!

Heathcliff27 · 10/10/2018 14:09

Totally not on, its her bridesmaids dress ffs, she knows fine she shouldn't wear it! Cheeky fucker who would be getting the sack and a bill for the dress sent to her

Heathcliff27 · 10/10/2018 14:10

Oh and you soooo should be mentioning it to her..., am raging on your behalf 😡😡😡😡

Outlookmainlyfair · 10/10/2018 14:11

Wow! Just wow! (i think that you are being quite calm, I would be cross). Def suggest that you “look after” the dresses until your wedding. She is massively out of order!

Spam88 · 10/10/2018 14:12

Oh wow, that's awful Shock can't believe anyone would ever think that's ok! You are most definitely not being a bridezilla.

Stonebake · 10/10/2018 14:12

Ooooh that’s seriously cheeky. I was nearly as laid back as you re bm dresses; I said I didn’t care what style they chose, but could they all be the same colour. I paid for them all but only up to £200 each, as my own dress was only £50 secondhand!

My sil was a bm for me and hinted at wearing the to her graduation ball a month or two before the wedding. I said no, in case she spilt something on it and ruined it! She is quite prone to spilling drinks and it’s a running joke. She was fine with it.

I think friend 1 is massively taking you for a ride. I almost can’t believe anyone would let her away with it tbh. Are you being a bit of a doormat op?

Bluelady · 10/10/2018 14:13

Outrageous. Like a pp I'm furious on your behalf.

Stonebake · 10/10/2018 14:13

*the dress

7yo7yo · 10/10/2018 14:13

Why didn’t you post here first! We could have told you she was a cheeky fucker and not to buy the dress.
Uninvited the cow.

8DaysAWeek · 10/10/2018 14:13

Nah that's just not on. Firstly that's an awful lot of money to insist on someone paying for a dress. But to wear it before your wedding?! I'd definitely say something.

TruffleShuffles · 10/10/2018 14:13

You are being unbelievable calm about this OP! If I was in your situation she wouldn’t be one of my bridesmaids anymore and I would see if there was anyway you could change the dresses of the other two. I would also ask for a contribution from her towards the dress.

noenergy · 10/10/2018 14:15

Unbelievable, I can't believe she had the nerve to wear it before your wedding.

Morgan12 · 10/10/2018 14:15

Omg that is ridiculously cheeky!

bridgetreilly · 10/10/2018 14:15

I think the reasonable thing to do would be to (a) send her the bill for her dress, (b) return the other two unworn dresses, (c) get new dresses for the other two bridesmaids and, (d) not have her as a bridesmaid at all.

Hillarious · 10/10/2018 14:18

Outrageous! It would never have occurred to me to insist on holding on to the dresses until the wedding, because it never would have occurred to me that a bridesmaid would have worn it before the wedding!

Merryoldgoat · 10/10/2018 14:19

I came on ready to say YABU as is often the way on these threads.

She’s massively out of order - unbelievably so. Can you return the dresses and get new ones - she can reimburse you for her dress.

What a twat.

LolaPickle · 10/10/2018 14:21

Your friend is bang out of order!

I would defo pull her up on it!

When I was a bridesmaid, me and the other bridesmaids went with what the bride wanted, and she brought our dresses for about £50 - then afterwards we both gave them back to her so she could ebay them - shes very money savvy - and we were all happy with this

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/10/2018 14:22

Definitely a b and c of bridgetreilly's post.

I've not been married and my friends have had quite low-key weddings, but none of us would find your friends behaviour even remotely acceptable!

sexnotgender · 10/10/2018 14:23

So she essentially got you to buy her an expensive dress so she could wear it to another wedding?

And you say you originally budgeted £300 per dress and this was more! How much did she fleece you for?

She’s a CF and not a great friend in my opinion.

If your bridesmaids love their dresses and want to wear them AFTER the wedding then fantastic.

To wear them before is incredibly rude. What if something had been spilt on it?

rainbowstardrops · 10/10/2018 14:24

I'd be spitting chips!!!!! The CF!!!!!
I would definitely have to say something!

Thatstheendofmytether · 10/10/2018 14:25

The reason she was so fixated on that particular dress is because she had already picked it out to wear to the other wedding and she didn't want to fork out 300 quid for it herself so was determined to get you to buy it for your wedding. Well that's how it sounds to me anyway. Cf!

MumW · 10/10/2018 14:27

Bloody Hell. Send her an invoice. The dress is no longer new for your wedding.

Once you've got some full cost of dress, tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid and if she dares to wear it to your wedding (assuming she is still invited) she will be turned away.

Could you take the other dresses back for an exchange for something cheaper/more to the other's choices?

Swipe left for the next trending thread