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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
lexi727 · 08/10/2018 19:24

Yes!! Absolute CF! Tell her that you simply aren't able to look aged her anymore due to logistics. Horrible. Your poor DD

StartingGrid · 08/10/2018 19:24

They are definitely CF and I'd be rethinking the arrangement based on this! Your poor DD...

Cheekyandfreaky · 08/10/2018 19:25

Even without the party, this arrangement is crazy- you should knock it on the head.

BertramKibbler · 08/10/2018 19:25

I think I’d stop the child care if I were you

Samcro · 08/10/2018 19:26

Ffs stop giving the free child care, the mum is using you.

Roussette · 08/10/2018 19:27

I would stop looking after her DD as of now. What a cheek. Your DD is good enough to play with for 3 hours plus a day, but not good enough to go to her party?
Sod that.

Pull out of the arrangement which was very cheeky anyway.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/10/2018 19:27

Stop this arrangement right now. Prioritise your DD’s feelings. This adult’s need to use you as free childcare does NOT trump your DD’s hurts feelings.

Tell her the arrangement no longer works for you.

Namechanger55555 · 08/10/2018 19:27

Wow that's just jaw dropping rude...

Has the mum said anything to you?

MatildaTheCat · 08/10/2018 19:27

Hell yes. Tell her after the party that it’s not working for you anymore as the girls aren’t really that friendly any more as demonstrated by her dds party selection. Only mention the party when she wails that her dd absolutely adores yours.

KateGrey · 08/10/2018 19:27

That’s plain nasty! Do they ever offer you some money for meals or give you a token gift? I’m guessing not. Time to stop childcare. Most people have to pay for this and the party for me would be the last straw.

QueenofallIsee · 08/10/2018 19:27

I would stop the arrangement - the fact that they didn’t a) think that it was the right thing to do b) thank you for your continual help c) have raised a child with a rather petty streak who has also not grasped that you are in fact putting yourself out for them would be enough to knock it on the head. If they asked why, I would in fact tell them that you feel that the arrangement is one sided

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 08/10/2018 19:28

If you're not happy with the arrangement anymore then end it. And honestly, I don't think it's fair on your daughter anymore and she has to be more important than the other girl.

This isn't your job. Her childcare isn't your responsibility.

tinytemper66 · 08/10/2018 19:28

I would text tonight saying you can't do the next day's minding.

JeanPagett · 08/10/2018 19:28

That is outrageous!

Doing all that childcare for her with no reciprocation is bad enough but not even inviting your daughter to her birthday party is shockingly rude under the circumstances. And I'm normally pretty relaxed about kids party nonsense.

Whereismumhiding2 · 08/10/2018 19:28

Your friend & her DH are CFs.
Clearly they don't see your DD as a close friend and ARE using you .. Blimey 2 or 3 days a week?? Not an occasional help out, that different!

Why are you doing this?? You're not staff and this is unequal favour! I pay £44 a week for three days wrap around school care for my DD2.
If you feel used and wonder why you e been doing it, just say 'no from tomorrow, it no longer suits us'. You don't need to give notice.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 08/10/2018 19:29

Tell them you can't look after their child any more.

They have excluded your dd when all you've done is welcome theirs. Please don't put your dd through having another child at her house every day who has treated her like this.

GreenTulips · 08/10/2018 19:29

Yep tell her the arrangement isn't working - give her 7 days notice and enjoy your chidlrenwnothout the squabbles and give your child more attention (and save some money! Take it they don't pay for her food or snacks?)

Aprilislonggone · 08/10/2018 19:31

I have been in a similar position op. My friend (ex) had an only dd and my dd's were regularly invited around after school. Friend was disabled so I had a key and regularly did bits and pieces for her. One year I took her to do all her Christmas shopping - and wrapped it!! I split with my dh and my dd's were in bits. The year before I had hosted a party (at her house but catering and activities /face paints provided by me), she announced she was having a party venue this year and dd's weren't invited. Oh but we could call for coffee when they got back. The next day I dropped her key off with her dh and blocked them both.

HighwayDragon1 · 08/10/2018 19:31

Hold on, they ARE paying you right?!?!

Iwantplaits · 08/10/2018 19:32

Ouch at the other child rubbing your daughter's nose in it.

I get the numbers are probably limited but I think in this situation and at this age the parents should say "we are inviting xxxxxx because that's the kind thing to do."

And if your daughter isnt liked enough by the other girl, then time to end the being in her company at home several times a week.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 08/10/2018 19:32

i would text tonight saying you can’t do the next days minding

This

What a cheeky fucker. Your poor dd

Maccycheesefries · 08/10/2018 19:32

Present her with a childcare invoice. She's a bloody user and she's bringing up her dd to be one as well. She should have invited your dd to the birthday trip.

TatterdemalionAspie · 08/10/2018 19:32

It never ceases to amaze me what people will put up with.

FFS set your DD a good example of boundaries and stop letting this family take the piss out of you!

HumphreyCobblers · 08/10/2018 19:33

That is spectacularly bad behaviour from the mum and the dd. I would be cross as well OP. There is no way I would continue with this childcare arrangement.

straightjeans · 08/10/2018 19:33

Cancel the arrangement asap.

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