Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

This is shocking! Tell them they need to sort their childcare situation. Total CFs!

Have the invites actually gone out ? Is it definite that your dd is not invited ? If so I would hit the roof and cancel their freeloading arses ! cheeky bastards taking advantage of your good nature. X

I was wondering this. But DD was able to tell me the 5 girls who were going and yes friends DD is good pals with them.

Also I helped book the venue 2wk ago now and it’s this weekend so I assume DD would have been invited if she was going to be.

I need to stop this arrangement. I honestly thought I may of being a bit petty and bitchy and was prepared be told so on MN!

I will see out the two days this week and then no more after saturdays birthday!

As a few have pointed out... I need to focus and give attention to my own kids.

I'd be tempted to say that your DD realises that CF's DD isn't such a good friend after all and doesn't want playdates with her any more.

I'd also be telling CF that, from an adult's perspective, you were quite happy to help her out but since her DD didn't invite your DD to the party and proceeded to take great delight in rubbing your DD's nose in it, you've re-evaluated the situation and the arrangement no longer works for you.

I'd predict a quick back track and an invite but the damage has been done and the hurt caused to your DD cannot be undone.
for you and for DD.

This is the second time I've wanted a slap around the head emoji today. Maybe MN could get on to it!

I'd say 'can I just double check, is dd invited to your dd's party?'

Then, if not, 'I won't be looking after your dd anymore, I thought they were friends but you obviously don't see it that way, you are a cf of the highest possible magnitude, please fuck off.'

I would also help someone out as a one off or for a week or two, but how on earth do people put up with another child in their house for 4 hours a day every week 2 or 3 times? That would drive me crazy. If I wanted to be a childminder, I'd arrange to be one, but I wouldn't be doing it 'as a favour'.

Text her and say this.
Your DD has made it plain she nolonger wishes to be friends with my DD, so I feel its best we cancel the child care option, while the girls are still on talking terms.

Aww, dreadful people OP. Your poor daughter....
Yes, you need to end this arrangement pronto.

I’d say nothing until after the party or I imagine an invite will magically appear for your DD so that they can continue using you for free childcare.

Round here the going rate for care like that is about £25 a day! Worth getting registered for...

Absolutely awful that they got you to help organise it and you do them such a huge favour every week (not just for free but with it costing you money to feed their child) and they treat you like this. End it. They can get other care lined up for after half term.

You are going to put a stop to this one way child care arrangement, and let the CF know exactly why...right?

mummy2017 this!

OP I feel heart sorry for your Daughter.. kids can be spiteful and nasty... I'd hang back too .. as suggested by another poster.. until after the Party... just to allow for error/correction on their part... however I'd be ending this 'FREE' arrangement regardless .. you've had the piss RIPPED right out of you for too long... END the generosity

I see you're planning to end it sooner - good call!

Stop the childcare immediately.

Yes I’m well aware that an invite will appear if I say anything before the birthday.
DD actually said after being upset that she doesn’t want to go even if they begged her now as she knows girl didn’t want her there.

Thank you for all your kind posts.
I is going bitch style from next week on the school runs

I would wait till after the party ONLY because if you stop before, she will suddenly remember she hasn't invited your DD and was meaning to anyway/the invite got lost in the post or whatever.

As soon as the party has finished stop the arrangement, in fact send a text the day after the party.
What @Roussette said
Definitely or she will say I can't believe you didn't think you were invited !

Their child is dropped at your house before 7am 3 days a week?! 7am?! Fuck that. Definitely time to rethink this arrangement especially as the rude fuckers haven’t even bothered to invite your daughter to this party.

absolute cf!!
Once its 100% clear from parebts that your dd is definitely not invited then cut the childcare off!
They are taking the piss big time even without the party thrown in.
If it was me i would be absolutely falling over myself to show you what you donis appreciated!
At a minimum she should be sending breakfast items weekly for both children and sending dinner staples/snacks/juice etc things she knows you are using with no repayment!
You’re saving her a fortune i cant believe she doesnt even get you a bottle of wine etc now and again.
Even offer to have your dd for a sleepover to give youna break.
Cf cut her off!!

Please please please update us when you send her the text after the party! Can't wait to hear what that CF replies...

well done OP

So the child does not like your child, and not invited to the party. So why are you looking after her's for free. If she was paying you to child care I could understand that situation, as awkward as that would be. This woman is utterly using you. I feel for you, but now it's upsetting your child, You must be firm and strong and say "no, I can't look after your child anymore, you understand. They are not friends obviously."

I would wait til you have seen the dm face to face. If you text first she will turn round and say oh of course she is invited. And you will look the bad guy.
But def stop the arrangements anyway and she is still a cf of the highest order.

.