Or is friend a cf

[Penelopeee]

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

Loving this thread. Well done OP 👏👏👏 I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you

Just wanted to say, I don't think you need assertiveness classes. Her behaviour is so beyond the line of normal but when you finally saw it for what it was you dealt with it quickly. Don't let her change who you are.

Tell your DD that you are struggling to deal with the fact you've saved them 4 grand in childcare costs and not even one word of thanks.
Hopefully, your DD will tell CF DD and it will get back to CF.

OMG. Did you tell your DD to tell her “friend”
You’re sorry they’re having financial problems? i suppose best not to but tempting. Cheeky cheapskates.

Really pleased to see that Dowager's posts attacking @Mummyof0ne have been deleted! Well done MNHQ

@Penelopeee So did the Dad turn up with CF child this morning then?! I'm guessing not

More updates, please...

And a nomination for Classics!!

What did your DD reply?

How much of a CF would I be if I invited myself around for bacon butties? have a great weekend and well done.

I have just had a post school run bacon sandwich in your honour.
I wouldn't be able to let her daughter's comment go and would send her and her husband a text stating that they fucked up by taking advantage of you and thier daughter is a bully.

*Did you tell your DD to tell her “friend”
You’re sorry they’re having financial problems? *
They're so lucky, op is nicer than them.

Enjoy your cinema trip, it warms my heart to think of your daughter's smiling face now that you're well rid.

and would send her and her husband a text stating that they fucked up by taking advantage

Noooo. Stay classy, Pen.

Well, she is going to look even more of a right cow if she tries telling people you were "struggling." Because it's clearly bitter and bollocks, and - even if it anyone believed it - who put you in that situation for years on end?!

Just thinking as well how bad she's going to look for not inviting your DD to that party. Because now it looks to everyone as though she is punishing your DD because you're not giving her free childcare any more.

She is really not going to come out of this well.

I would word it differently but that's what they did essentially.

Morning all! I think the end is near as we are close to 1000.
If anymore occurs etc I shall start a new thread to update.

There was no visitors this morning at 7am phew! Bacon butty was exceptionally lovely, brown sauce dripping out the sides. Everyone else should also have one today to honour the lightbulb moment you all helped me to come too.
This morning there was no sign of CF DD in the playground which means she’s not in school and with family for the day, or she was sent to breakfast club and was already in the classroom. Certainly none of the other mums had her with them and none of them were any different to me than normal.

Seriously everyone of you, your amazing. I would never have dared to stand up to CF had I not have had so much support on this thread. I didn’t tell anyone in RL other than my mum yesterday so it’s been the best ever having mumsnet power behind me.

🥓 to you all xxxxxx

Really hope everything went well for you this morning OP. Bravo for taking the moral high ground, it's so difficult to do. I think you have the whole of Mumsnet behind you (maybe with the exception of a few cheeky people who should take a long hard look at themselves!). I think you have been an excellent role model for your daughter by trying to be a supportive friend and realising when it goes too far that you are strong enough to say "this ends now". I sincerely hope the other Mum realises how dreadfully she's treated you and has the decency to apologise to you without any ulterior motive. It sounds like the friendship won't be salvageable, but it also sounds like you're better off without her!

YABU - ketchup only for a bacon butty!

Oops, slow to reply there so glad everything went well! Bravo again!

OP, please don't think you've been a mug. I think many of us can relate to your situation, where we go the extra mile for a friend to help and then something happens and the scales fall from our eyes. It's called friendship and that's what you were doing while the CF was abusing it.

I'd rather have more people like you in the world.

I hope you washed it down with 🥂🍾🥂

I reckon breakfast club.

Did any of the other mums know you were providing free childcare? Perhaps she tells them that she pays you?

I'm in no way doubting the CFiness of the mum here: she owes you BIG TIME. No question.

I do question this though:

However I worked out that based on the available childcare where we live, how much breakfast is (going with £1 a day for cereal, toast, juice or bagels and yoghurt/fruit) snacks (£1 a day for piece of fruit and crisps or toast) and then dinner (£2 a day for home cooked meal, drink and yoghurt pudding). So alongside the childcare and £4 a day for meals, snacks, drinks etc I have provided approx £3800 for them.

I don't know where you're buying your cereal or fruit or anything else but it sounds like a big overestimate to me. For your own sake OP, I wouldn't wind yourself up on that exact figure - especially if you think the mum is reading this thread.

I might get flamed for this, but this post is entertainment for most, but real life for the OP and her daughter. If the other girl hears from her mum 'Penelopee thinks we owe her four thousand pounds' it could get nasty in real life at school.

Again - yes, you've done her a massive favour. Yes, you've saved her tonnes in childcare. Yes, she should absolutely have paid for the food, whatever it cost! I just think overestimating the food cost (unless you're serving supersize cereal portions, gold crusted bread and starfruit) doesn't do you any favours in real life.

Well done you!!

Keep hold of those figures! £3800 wow!

And that is in snacks/meals alone Waspi

If you added average childcare costs, and (probably) craft materials to keep the kids occupied etc, it would be CONSIDERABLY more!

thecat - I'm not in the UK ... but you really think £1 is over-estimating the cost for breakfast...?

If it is, it's a matter of pennies, surely.