Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is friend a cf

999 replies

Penelopeee · 08/10/2018 19:23

Evening.

I regularly help out other school mums. Have become known as the mum to ask for a favour I suppose. Never really given it too much thought, firm believer that if you can help someone else out in life you should.

For the last 18 months I have looked after my friends daughter who is in my daughters class at school. They are year 3 (7 turning 8). I also have a smaller person who is at home with me all day.

So friends DH drops their DD at mine just before 7am. Usually twice, sometimes 3 times a week as they both work shifts. School starts at 8.50am. School finishes at 3.30 and DD is collected by dad by 5.30pm.

Our daughters are classmates and get along, they do however have their fair share of winding each other up and bitching to each other which all of us parents tend to ignore and stay out of.

Friends DD is turning 8 this weekend and friends have booked her and 5 friends into like an activity centre place. The girl took great delight in telling my DD where parents had booked, who was invited and clarifying that my DD wasn’t invited.

We look after this girl so much. I know the old can’t be invited to everything but my DD makes no fuss about this girl being here, shares all her toys, use of her tablets etc we feed her when she’s here. Shares her mummy’s time etc.

DD is upset. She’s upset she wasn’t invited. She upset that ‘friend’ will continue to get to come to her house so much when in her words “we aren’t good friends obviously”.

AIBU to think that my friend should of maybe done the whole we will be in Inviting XXXX as they do a lot for us???

To be honest I feel really fucking used!! So as not to drip feed, they don’t pay me and have never offered. They’ve never looked after mine. Nor have they offered.

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 08/10/2018 19:53

Text tonight and say you've got the galloping shits and cannot take her DD tomrrow.......just gain some breathing space for a day. Then tomrrow once dust has settled, let them know you can't do it any longer.....I'd just say circumstances have changed and you're thinking of returning to work. Don't give them notice, they're rude and stupid not inviting your daughter!

Fridaydreamer · 08/10/2018 19:53

Wow. That’s quite a level of cheeky fuckery.

I’d definitely end the childcare quick sharp.

Good luck. Let us know how the CF’s take it.

pictish · 08/10/2018 19:53

She is the cheekiest of fuckers and I sincerely hope you are serious about cutting her free childcare dead from now on.
She has no shame.
I am so annoyed on your behalf.
Cheeky cunt.

mumtoanangel · 08/10/2018 19:53

Stop looking after the child as from NOW.thats terrible

HelloSnow · 08/10/2018 19:54

when they were booking the activity centre they struggled with the website and asked me to take a look and help them book it. I hunted round online and found them a discount code too. Then booked it for them (obviously using their details/payment). I stupidly assumed DD would be invited!!

I need a 'my jaw just hit the floor' emoji 😱

MatildaTheCat · 08/10/2018 19:54

I have to say that sending the text during the party would be highly tempting.

‘Hi CF, just to let you know I can’t do anymore childcare for you going forward. Have a good weekend.’

Do NOT use the word sorry.

Persiangirl · 08/10/2018 19:54

You are so kind and good natured and they are abusing that.
End the “friendship” fast!

Rudgie47 · 08/10/2018 19:54

Text her now OP, the Mum and say your not doing any more childcare from now. You don't have to give a reason, then block her.
What an utter user.
I thought I'd known some bad users in my time but all that childcare for nothing and then they blow off your daughter.Its really bad.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 08/10/2018 19:54

I wouldn’t mention the party or th eupset it has caused. It would only make you look a bit childish (tit for tat etc) and you really need to keep the higher ground. Just say you want more time with your daughter and the childcare you have given them for years isn’t working out for you right now. No need to give them any more detail than that as you are not a service provide and there is no contractual agreement. Don’t give them anything they can use against you (because they will!), don’t let them go around telling people you stropped and cancelled because your daughter wasn’t invited to a party, let them have to exlain that their free ride is now over.

SerenDippyEggs · 08/10/2018 19:55

Your poor DD. She sounds very mature! What a cheeky cow that Mum is, and agree with PP who said that the hasn't fallen far from the treeGrin

I can't believe you helped book the venue with a discount code and everything!! That's your lesson learnedWink

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 08/10/2018 19:55

@Penelopeee is this person a friend of yours? It really doesn't sound like it?!

Dollymixture22 · 08/10/2018 19:57

Ok there are two issues here -the daycare and the party.

Regardless of whether your daughter is invited to this party you need to stop the free daycare. It’s a very generous gift, you are saving them thousands of pounds. And they give you nothing in return. Nothing.

Then the party, if your daughter rally isn’t invited then you are teaching your daughter these people can walk all over you. So you need to explain to your daughter this isn’t on.

If your daughter is invited, that’s nice. But you don’t need to give free childcare in return.

MynameisJune · 08/10/2018 19:57

I agree with Wellies, don’t mention the party but I would send the text when the party is on. It might just click without you needing to say a word about why!

Bobbybear10 · 08/10/2018 19:58

Oh my God! What absolute CF’ers!

I cannot believe anyone can be so fucking cheeky, are you absolutely sure they haven’t just presumed you already knew your DD was invited, especially as you helped book it all.

Honestly if you do have the right end of the stick then I would be texting tonight and telling them you will not be doing childcare for them at all, your DD is very upset as are you, they will have to find alternative arrangements from now on and absolutely stick to it starting with no help tomorrow.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 08/10/2018 19:58

Oh, yes, nice touch mynameisJane 👍

HermioneWeasley · 08/10/2018 19:58

Wow, this may be the most breathtaking cheekiness I’ve seen on here. And just so mean and petty.

Agree, text tonight and tell them that the arrangement no longer works for you. Who gives a shit if it causes them problems? They’ve shown themselves to be ungrateful, graceless and cruel.

LavenderBush · 08/10/2018 19:59

Never mind cutting off the childcare specifically as 'punishment' for not inviting your DD to the party (much though I agree with that!)...

I think there are 2 other, even bigger, reasons to stop doing the childcare:

  1. It's an unreasonable amount of work to be doing for someone who doesn't help you out in return.
  1. It's not good for your own kids to have to share so much of your time with someone they don't even get on well with.
UserName31456789 · 08/10/2018 20:00

Jeeeeesus. With all the money they've saved on just getting a childminder like everyone else you think they could pay for another kids to go to the activity centre.

Josiebloggs · 08/10/2018 20:00

The party is a non issue imo, children should be allowed to invite who they want without parental politics coming into it. However the agreement you have with this woman is crazy, you are saving her hundreds of pounds a month and she doesn't even offer to provide money for food, thats appalling. I would stop looking after her child immediately and even if an invite does miraculously appear it does not mean you have to start being an unpaid childminder again or that your daughter has to attend.

PiggyPoos · 08/10/2018 20:00

Oh my goodness that's really shit of her.

I think you need to also think of your own DD and having the other child over when maybe they aren't such good friends.

I would stop it right away.

If someone did even a quarter of that for me I'd absolutely want to repay the kindness and include their child on a day out.

MumW · 08/10/2018 20:01

@MatildaTheCat, I second that. Grin

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 08/10/2018 20:01

Just saw your update that you booked it for them! They think you’re “staff” op. Please, please sack off these CFs.

Poodletip · 08/10/2018 20:02

Definitely stop looking after her and definitely make it clear that it's because the girls obviously aren't getting on very well. Even without such nastiness over the party they are complete CF anyway expecting you to do all that childcare for FREE and not doing anything in return. Then getting you to book for them the party that your DD is not invited to I'm just Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock.

Ravenesque · 08/10/2018 20:02

Wow!

I'm glad you're binning her off. I can't believe she got you to book the venue for her knowing full well that your DD wasn't going to be invited! CF hardly even gets there.

I'd have gone full Malcolm Tucker on her, but you're doing it the right way. If it's possible maybe arrange something nice for you and DD to do on Saturday, even if it's just a nice lunch together at McDonald's or something. I'm sure she'd love being made a little bit of a fuss of, and you could be secretly celebrating the end of having to deal with a mother, father and child who are a bunch of cunts.

Whereismumhiding2 · 08/10/2018 20:02

I wouldn't give notice or anything like that, it's not formal childcare arrangements, it's a favour you probably didn't even realise would creep into such a huge one
Frankly their DD is stealing your attention from your two DC and your one to one time with DD.

She's upset your DD today. Why force her to have someone round her house she doesn't want ?

They don't pay you, don't pay for food their DD eats and don't do any favours back.
You're teaching your DD to be a mug and that her cosy time with Mummy isn't as important as this other child is. .... These years go so fast.