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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

196 replies

wrongwayaround · 06/10/2018 12:41

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

  • being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.
  • never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.
  • nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.
  • a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

OP posts:
AnonaMouse1 · 06/10/2018 12:43

I have this exact issue!

I quite enjoy 2 names though.... not caused massive problems in my 50 years! Smile

MadisonMontgomery · 06/10/2018 12:44

Not saying it wasn’t a daft idea on their part but I’m surprised it’s caused you so much trouble - it’s quite common for people to go by their middle name (I work at a GP surgery and we have tons of patients doing this)

FrancisCrawford · 06/10/2018 12:47

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user139328237 · 06/10/2018 12:47

Nearly all of them 'problems' could have been solved by a little common sense. You know what your legal name is so use it for legal documents and note it on your CV.

AlphaBravo · 06/10/2018 12:48

If that's the biggest ballache in your life OP you're doing pretty well so far...

It's a name. Get over it. Change it by deedpoll. This has no effect on a DBS as they will have access to both names. Yabu.

MereDintofPandiculation · 06/10/2018 12:53

I suspect the real problem is it wasn't your choice. Loads of people call themselves by their middle name, and get used to remembering to give their "official" name when it matters. And there are others who are "name husband's-surname" or even "nickname husband's surname" amongst friends and family, but "name own-surname" for official stuff. But this is all by choice, so the problems (like looking an idiot when you can't remember what name you booked the restaurant in, or having to return cheques because they're not in your official/bank account name) don't loom so large.

Jenala · 06/10/2018 12:54

DH has the exact same thing. Has been known as his middle name since birth.
It's on my mind as today we had to yet again negotiate with the bank for them to let us pay in a cheque made out to his middle name. It really annoys me I can't imagine registering my child with a name I never intended to use. He has always from birth been known as his middle name.

Why don't you change it by deed poll? I don't think it would look like you're hiding something. I work in a job where you have an enhanced DBS and a professional registration and have had a change of surname by deed poll which has never been a problem.

I think DH should do this but it doesn't seem to bother him that much. I'd hate having a different name on all official stuff.

FissionChips · 06/10/2018 12:54

Just use official name on documents, I’ve never had a problem.

Jenala · 06/10/2018 12:55

Urgh double sentence in there. Teach me not to mumsnet while trying to make toddlers lunch Grin

MissDemelzaCarne · 06/10/2018 12:58

Nearly all of them 'problems' could have been solved by a little common sense.
Oh if only it was that easy! My official name is Mary Demelza but if someone asks me my name or I have to fill a form out I just naturally say Demelza then get turned down for a credit check or some such nonsense.

I’m on my professional register just as Demelza as have it down as my preferred name at work but all correspondence arrived addressed to Mary.

I gave up and changed my name by Deed Poll, both my parents were called by their middle name and then called most of their children by theirs - I didn’t inflict this on my DCs.

Having watched my dying mother being called by not her chosen name I vowed that wouldn’t happen to me.
I waited until my passport was due for renewal and swapped tthem round.

AnotherPidgey · 06/10/2018 12:58

I know a few people who routinely use their middle name and it causes little bother. They use their full name for official purposes and are quite clear about their known as name.

When I was changing to my married surname, my new workplace was fine that documentation was in maiden name, but I was known as Mrs Pidgey. My passport was fairly recent so I travelled as Miss Maidenname for a number of years.

You just need to be consistent with a system of what you use for what.

Deliberately going for novelty initials is mean though.

Nomorechickens · 06/10/2018 12:59

Change by deed poll. You have to give previous names on DBS application anyway, and it won't be suspicious when your new official name matches the name you are known by. Maybe keep evidence of the deed poll change in your handbag in case of problems.
Why do parents do this? I can't see the point at all but it's not uncommon.

Original poster
wrongwayaround · 06/10/2018 13:00

My GCSEs, A levels and degree certificate appear as Anna while my professional qualification is Jane. it isn’t as clear cut as ‘use this name’ as I am a different name everywhere.

It’s one thing to say use common sense but I never, ever use Jane. When I am asked for my name I say Anna, as that is my name. I am perhaps not explaining that so well.

Jen I did but to be honest it caused more problems than it solved.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 06/10/2018 13:03

I would just tell everyone I was rebranding as Jane and ask that they call me that now.

fluffiphlox · 06/10/2018 13:04

I’m known by my middle name. And have been for all my 60 years. I think you’re being a little melodramatic. I know I’ve got to listen out for my first name in the doctor’s for example but many of my friends don’t know what my actual first name is.

Original poster
wrongwayaround · 06/10/2018 13:07

Really? Suddenly not go by a name you’ve had for 37 years? Not being awkward but it’s hardly that simple!

Fluff yes same. But it does bother me. I know like I say I’m being unreasonable but it does really irk me.

OP posts:
MirriVan · 06/10/2018 13:09

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IsTheRainEverComingBack · 06/10/2018 13:10

Going by your middle name isn’t uncommon, I know several people who do this. I think you’re confusing it for yourself by not just registering yourself with your first name on formal things. The doctor, the bank etc can all be registered Jane Anna with a note on the system. If you’re booking a holiday, book it under Jane Anna. You could have easily registered your professional qualification under Jane Anna, you chose not to. Schools are very used to registers saying Jane Anna, known as Jane. Lots of kids have names like this.

Bluelady · 06/10/2018 13:10

Exactly the same issue here. First name nobody including my parents ever used. I know why they chose it and I know why they put it first but it's been a thorn in my flesh for over 60 years now. And it's small comfort to be told that it's back in fashion!

gabsdot · 06/10/2018 13:11

My parents did this with 2 of my siblings. It's a real pain for them.
Then my other brother with names in the right order did the middle name thing with one of his kids. Even after seeing how problematic it can be

MirriVan · 06/10/2018 13:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/10/2018 13:14

This did used to be quite common.

I don’t quite have the same but I have fucking ridiculous initials. They spell an animal, and it always gets sniggers

Original poster
wrongwayaround · 06/10/2018 13:16

The thing is a lot of things I didn’t register under Jane were at a time when it wasn’t such an issue. It has nothing to do with dimness (how unpleasant)

But for example I opened my student bank account in 1999 as Anna Morrison because that was my name and it was accepted. As such and because I kept the same bank account my name appears on my bank statements as Anna Morrison. Likewise my mortgage statements do.

I got my professional qualification aged 22. I had no idea that thirteen years later I would be accused of not holding it.

Yes, I probably should ‘remember’ to use Jane but it isn’t instinctive. Job interviews are stressful enough without having to correct people when you first meet them.

I can go months without it being an issue by the way. But really it has caused problems and it does irritate me as there was no need for it!

OP posts:
Mehaveit · 06/10/2018 13:23

I legally changed mine to 'my' name. Only ever an issue when booking travel and agent checks I've got my own name right ('nickname' kind of name vs usual long name think Evie vs Evelyn) otherwise I have enhanced DBS checks and it's not a problem.

Topseyt · 06/10/2018 13:28

I have this issue too. I have been known by my middle name since birth but on all official documents I am recorded by my full name. I've had a lifetime of having to explain it, wangle things at the bank etc. because someone (usually my parents) has written a cheque using my middle name.

I have to remember that holiday bookings have to be made using my official name first, as that is what is on my passport (for which birth certificates are needed in order to apply first time).

My medical records are also in my official name

I hate it and made sure not to saddle my own DDs with such nonsense.

I have considered a change over by deed poll, but I am in my fifties now and would just have so much documentation that would have to be amended that I am not sure it is worthwhile. Bank, pension, mortgage, property deeds, HMRC records, passport, medical records, driving licence, passport .... More than that too, I am sure.

My parents did it because they didn't like what the initials would have apparently spelled if they had registered them the other way round. The problem I have with that is that they wouldn't actually have spelled anything at all, except in my parents' imagination.

If I hear people considering doing this when naming a baby now I have to bite my tongue, or I would just scream DON'T!!!

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