To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

[wrongwayaround]

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

• being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.

• never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.

• nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.

• a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

BEing known by a middle name seems to be an odd older generational thing. My dad's parents were both known by their middle name, as were all four of their parents. My dad was named specifically with the preferred name as his middle name and was known as that from birth.

My Godmother is known as Ann, her middle name, despite being Hilary Ann on her bc, and Hilary suiting her far better!

My mother is in the same situation. She once had an accident and the paramedic couldn’t get her to respond because he was saying her official name that he read off her ID.

I don't understand why parents do this OP but it's quite common in my generation and my parents. My mum did it with my brother and my mum was always known on paperwork as either her first or second name. Because we have an unusual surname she answered to both.

And then I joined ancestry uk. Her middle (first) name never existed formally on either her birth certificate or original registration and was in fact just thrown in at some point in her early years. I can only assume that the middle name (which every generation for hundreds of years beforehand had also had) was intended as a confirmation name, but she was never confirmed in the end as her catholic mother died age 27.

Sad but fascinating. Fancy knowing Mary was your name for 82 years then realising it never had been and wasn't?

My Dad was known as his middle name, when he was in hospital it was odd asking to visit him using his official 'wrong' name. He'd often ignore nurses if they called his name out.

I know loads of people my generation and up who this affects, it's a complete pain in the arse for them.

I made sure when we registered his death that it was noted that he was known as and then his 'proper' name.

I once walked Recovery and heard Nurses calling ‘Paul, Paul’ increasingly loudly, it went on for a while until I thought “is that John I admitted earlier?” I had written on the frontof his notes that he was called by his middle name. I walked in and said “try John” , he opted his eyes immediately.

He was obviously ‘dim’ not to have responded according to @Mirrivan.

YABU. I have a very unusual first name, no one can pronoune it or spell it. People assume I am Russian for some reason, I am not.

Anyway I use a shortened version of this name, again as my first name is so unusual , you wouldn't normally put the 2 together, ie Elizabeth to Beth.

So all my official documents are in my proper name then everything else in the shortened version - it's not that difficult - on application forms I put down Anastasia, prefers to be known as Tassie.
My id badge as work also has my abbreviated name on.

I have it even worst. Have always been called one name but birth certificate is another similar but different name 🙄like Jane and Joan. Total ballache

Well I’m no genius @Mirrivan, far from it but am educated to post graduate level and so, statistically of above average intelligence.

I think of myself of Demelza and always will. Clerarly if I was doing something like getting married it would be on my mind that I must use my full name but for day to day paperwork it was not. Your persistence in making accusations of unintelligence towards others is only making you look obtuse. I wouldn’t though call you ‘dim’ as that would be a personal attack and one can still be perfectly intelligent but still ignorant and lacking in empathy.

I actually think I'm going mad most days.
Some insight - at last!

All of these 'issues' are self inflicted and would have been easily avoided if you'd remembered to put the correct name on the forms in the first place Being able to remember to put your full legal name on official or important documents would probably be considered a basic life skill by most of the population, hardly your parents fault you're the one messing up 🤔

My 82 yo grandad has changed his preferred name twice in his life and he manages to fill forms in correctly just fine, I'm confused why you find it so difficult?

DH has three middle names so his full name doesn’t even fit on most forms.

I’ve realised why I don’t get the issue. Until I got married and changed my name I had a surname that people often misspelled. So I was used to just always being very careful to check. That was totally second nature (so I keep doing it now even though my married surname never gets misspelled). I don’t get how, by the time you reached adulthood, this hadn’t just become an ingrained habit - how are you not just used to checking? Like the certification -why would you not ensure you told your work what name that was in?

Likewise. My parents kindly gave me three names, including surname which have to be spelled every single time. The changed first name (derived from the original) has several spellings, the 'plain' middle name has two (think Jane/Jayne, though not that), and as for the surname..... 😂

I manage to remember to give all three and their spellings whenever I am asked for my name. My father managed with four. My mother was given the same name as her mother and known by her her middle name all her life with no problem - like me, even the Ministry of Defence had no problem with it.

Just get into the habit of saying all three when asked, and change what documentation you can. Most places, including banks and government departments will. Sheesh.

Yep! I have this and hate it. DM also thinks my DD has the same situation but she absolutely doesn’t! I’m currently looking into change by deed poll as it pisses me off more and more as I get older

This is me too. I have never ever been called by my official first name. It is on my passport and driving licence and I had to use it for dbs check. I have 2 bank accounts - one is one way around and the other they let me do it with the name I’m called first. It’s weird. But I’ve managed for 40 odd years. My mum is actually the same.

My grandmother was given a name that her mother and father hated, her grandmother was sent to register the birth, I suspect her mother was exhausted and suffering PND because she failed to give her mother a name to register her as. Name she chose was hated and so my grandmother was always known by a name that wasn't on any of her official documents. She never forgave her mother!

I think that OP it would have been easier if you had used your first name for all documents and your second name for everything else. Tricky I know - I've flitted between my maiden surname and married surname and that trips me up every now and again. I have to use my marriage and birth certificates alot. I don't think that changing you name by deed poll would look suspicious, you'd have to present all your documents for DBS and give full list of previous names anyway. Wouldn't solve the issue of having professional qualifications in multiple names though.

I have had exactly the same problem .I’m 56 and it has been a real nuisance all my life... a real bugbear .You have my sympathy!

I have this situation - no major dramas to be honest it is a bit of a pain sometimes and has caused a few minor problems. I quite like surprising people that my name isn't really 'Jane' it's 'Mary Jane'.

I have this too OP, so does a friend of mine and also my father. I think as regards CV's the best thing is to enter your official name Jane and then under it 'known as Anna' and then it's all there in front of prospective employers and no need to get flustered. I quite like it in a way because it's a talking point.

We’ve just done this to our newborn son. We wanted to follow family tradition but also save having two ‘David’s (not David FYI) in the same house.

Poor kid 😬😂

I had the same thing as OP except that my parents did it to avoid jokey initials. It has resulted in much inconvenience during my life, and I have generally now stopped using my first name at all, or just use the initial. Still have to remember on official documents though. It's a pain.

We’ve just done this to our newborn son. We wanted to follow family tradition but also save having two ‘David’s (not David FYI) in the same house.

But why? Why not call him Steven David rather than calling him David Steven? Then as he gets older you get mail addressed to "David Brown" and you're not sure if it's for father and son....