To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

[wrongwayaround]

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

• being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.

• never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.

• nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.

• a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

I once worked for an organisation who claimed there was no record of me holding the qualification I did and as such they believed I might have forged my certificate. This took four months to be resolved.

The problem was very simply that they had looked for me using only Anna. At no point had I hidden Jane from them. It was their fuck up

Oh come on!! you knew which name got the qualification under! Why on earth didn’t you tell them straight away that you were Jane? At no point had you hidden jane from them? Sounds like you didn’t at any point tell them they were looking for jane. You could have saved yourself a lot of hassle there.

If that makes you happy shalom sure.

It goes quite a lot deeper than that to be honest. I do know not everyone will feel the same but because my Anna name is so distinctive I stand out enough to be honest without having my names the wrong way around to start with. All in all, my name, which is synonymous with me, with who I am, is the source of annoyance and stress to other people and that has impacted on me as a person.

I did posie but when you are accused of wrongdoing at work, they don’t accept ‘oh, no I didnt’ you see

And along comes another to prove the point.

My own parents often forgot to use my official name when necessary too.

YANBU. I can see what a PITA it is, just for a funny set of initials you didn't even want. I don't know why people are minimising this - having the right name on stuff matters!

OP did your parents name you this way out of anger with their parents? Are their names Doris Ivy Clare Kent and Trevor William Andrew Thompson ??

In any event the source of the problem in the example posie “oh come ON-d” was in fact that the official record of me appeared twice - once as Anna Morrison and once as Jane Morrison - but not at the same time. It was quite complicated but it was because work had not completed the necessary checks before I commenced work there - it wasn’t my doing. As was proved when the person behind the allegation was dismissed for gross misconduct. Even so, it was an awful time.

No, my mother decided on ‘anna’ and my father then decided it would be hilarious to give me a name that spelled out certain initials.

He didn’t think which was typical of both my parents to be honest.

Right so that was actually to do with your employers lax procedures and underhand conduct by a colleague. Not just your name. You’re being disingenuous.

I’m like you. I agree it can be frustrating sometimes. I just use both names wherever possible. It’s quite common really.
There are perks, sometimes having two names to choose from is handy!😊

My name caused a huge problem posie it is as simple as that. I was simply pointing out to you that it wasn’t my doing.

Others yes I should have checked but as topsey has pointed out it isn’t always as simple as people like to make out. I generally forget Jane features in my name at all. Therefore when prompted for my name I give it as Anna.

Not when they are both horrible stream

YANBU to find it an annoying inconvenience

But you could cut through most of it by being consistent with using the same name on all documents, bank accounts etc or by legally changing your name to Anna Jane instead of Jane Anna and then notifying all the relevant companies that you’ve done so

I can only see this being such a problem if you're a little...dim.

I can’t imagine how ‘dim’ one would need to be not to understand a situation whereby people can’t always automatically remember oh yes I’m at St Elewhere now I must remember I’m Mary here.

You also ignore the issue of those who abjectly refuse to address people by their chosen name. I gave the example in my post of my mother being addressed as Mary in hospital when she was called Jane, she didn’t have the energy to correct them as she was dying - not ‘dim’.

I imagine you think yourself quite droll @Mirrivan?

Demelza, I agree with you. It is those who refuse to see the problem who are being deliberately obtuse.

It is instinctive because when you are filling out official forms, you behave in a different way than from when you are introducing yourself to other people.

It clearly is for you but it’s not for me. I forget I’m Audrey, I don’t feel like an Audrey, I don’t look like an Audrey and I don’t want to be called Audrey so it’s its a right PITA having to remember.

No need for deed poll change if you live in Scotland. You can just decide to be known as a new name, as long as there is no intent to defraud.

You can go by a new name, yes. But you can't just put new name on your driving licence or passport OR order flight tickets in a name that doesn't correspond to the name on your passport.

I went by preferred name from childhood before deed poll changing it in my thirties. I think the phrase used was "changed by habit".

But people with two or more forenames - a lot of the population - have to remember to put all forenames on official documents or risk encountering problems. The same applies whether you're known by your first or second forename or a nickname.

If it’s caused you such huge problems your entire life I can’t see how it isnt instinctive to Put jane on everything official. If you keep putting the wrong name time and again, and experiencing the same problem, time and again, then maybe it’s you who needs to do something differently.

No explanati9ns needed, because this is a very normal situation, because it isn’t unusual not to use your first name

I work in a hospital and often have to call patients name out, if it’s written down as Mary Jane Smith you call out ‘Mary Smith’ if she ten tells you that she’s known as Jane, l’ll call her Jane and write on her notes that she is called by Jane but the next HCP that comes along is bound to call her Mary, I see it all the time.

Call your DD Catherine Ursula Natasha Thompson but only ever call her Tasha. Really, she will love you for it.

I choose to use my second name, have done so for over 30 years. Rarely causes any problem, as I am always careful to explain but refuse to tell anyone my first name unless it's absolutely necessary. ie Govt, doctors etc. I consider it a good test of a person's professionalism if they remember to use the name I prefer. Most do.

My DGF has gone through his whole life being called by a diminutive of his first name by family, and his middle name by colleagues etc. This is because it takes too long to explain the diminutive. Nobody uses his full first name. I have no idea what his friends call him.

I feel your pain! I didn’t change my surname when I got married. I’m known professionally as my maiden name. I sign myself and am called by my maiden name by everyone bar my mother who is old fashioned. Only on official documents do I have my married name. It’s a pain when doing eg job applications so I always write ‘known as maiden name’.

I do understand how this could be a complicated situation in general OP, but I don't understand why you used the wrong name when booking flights. I thought you had to include name as it appears on your passport along with your passport number. Surely you would have it open in front of you when booking?

I never use my middle name but know it has to be given on a flight booking