To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

[wrongwayaround]

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

• being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.

• never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.

• nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.

• a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

well they shouldnt be anna should they youre officialy anna until yu legally change it so your mortgage has the wrong name on it

It does happen, I know. And while I am sure some sail through life with no issues, some don’t. I don’t. It’s caused issues for me ever since I was a small child.

I feel his painpiper

This really isn’t some huge insurmountable problem. Change your name officially (my DH did this at the local solicitors office 15 years ago) and then write to your bank, DVLA, passport office, HMRC, employers etc enclosing proof of your change of name. Job done. It’s the same as getting married and sending everyone the certificate. A bit of effort and admin and you can let all this resentment go!

my dhs ex uses her middle name for her family friends all sdocuments have her legal first name on it

if u didnt mix it all up yourself you wouldnt have this problem

To posters saying "just use your legal name on documents" - it's not that simple.

Where do you draw the line ? Do I register as my legal name for my loyalty cards? Or is that okay to use my name? What about entering raffles ? Or signing up to broadband ? Or my mobile phone bill/ all bills in fact? The list goes on, you catch my drift.

For me, I have always been known as my name. Since the day I was born.. but I didn't become aware of my legal full name until I was much older. Until I was old enough to comprehend this huge fuck up. By this stage , it's already too late. Iv associated with my name. Using anything else is alien to me. Not to mention, to everyone else too.

It's all fine and well if you want to change your name to your legal name, but that doesn't mean everyone who knows you would be willing to start referring to you as another name. For example, if I told my parents I wanted to be known as Legal Name, they would just ignore me. It's too foreign to them. You can't just retrain your brain to refer to someone as another name.

It isn’t a huge insurmountable problem agreed. But it does pose problems and as such, I feel pissed off about it

I don’t really get the issue to be honest. Can you not just stop and think when booking tickets and applying for things and whatever?

I’m known by a nickname (eg along the lines of Kat short for Katherine) and I don’t have trouble remembering to give my full name when needed so not sure why you can’t just remember?

That would be helpful advice gabs nineteen years ago

I think I’ve explained several times wombat

Fine if it doesn’t cause you problems. It causes me problems. It’s caused others on this thread problems.

It really isn’t comparable to Beth/Elizabeth.

But they don’t gabs. Mortgage and bank statements don’t. Phone bill, council tax bills, all say Anna. Jane is on birth cert and passport and driving licence

I think you should look at getting that sorted, esp the mortgage and bank account part. Even if it means a deed poll changes (totes pain in the arse).

Do your driver’s licence and passport not feature your full name?

Yes, they do

The whole point of directly quoting someone is if you start changing it for whatever reason it is no longer a direct quote.
But I personally do agree it shouldn't be too hard to book a holiday using the name in your passport and legal name.
I'm just stating my opinion.
If it pisses you off then that's up to you to fix. Like PP mentioned it can be done easily and cheaply.

It is more problematic than Elizabeth and Beth because it is a different name.
But if Beth started putting Beth on her bank applications and booking flights with Beth rather than Bethany or Elizabeth then surely it would be just as problematic.

Surely the job application, you just put Jane the same as Beth would put Elizabeth and then at interview say ‘oh I go by my middle name, Anna’.

Just change your name by deed poll. I did this after my degree. If I get to that stage in applications I just send a copy of my deed poll name change too. That is the only time I need it. I don't think I even needed it for DBS. Once passports and driving licence are in your usual name, that is all most people want. It is so much easier in day to day life and it saves all the discussion of why you aren't known by that name. The only person who processes them is someone in HR who probably never meets you and couldn't care less what you call yourself and why. Honestly I did it nearly 20 years ago and wish I had done it sooner.

YANBU to find it annoying and inconvenient but YABU to think it's not something that a huge amount of other people have to deal with too!

I know a huge number of people, including familiar members who have the same problem

I think it's less common that it used to be but it's astonishing how many people in the older generation are known (and have always been known since birth) by their middle name

YANBU

If it's been your name your whole life I can see how it can be easy to forget it's not your first name. Not quite the same, but my name is a common shortening of a longer name (like Cathy/Catherine) and people have been calling me by the long version my entire life. It's not my name, it's never been my name, it's not even on my birth certificate. And they still get huffy when I correct them, as if I'm the one in the wrong!

It really isn’t comparable to Beth/Elizabeth

I think you meant me, not Wombat?

But I absolutely think it’s comparable to Beth/Elizabeth in the sense that Beth has to remember to record her full name on her passport and flight tickets, not the one she prefers to be known as. Just as you have to do the same.

It sounds as if you haven’t been recording your full name on passports and drivers licences.

I’m not sure it’s your parents to blame. Presumably you are the person who provided your name for your job, passport, mortgage application and everything else since you were an adult. So why wouldn’t you provide your correct name for everything (as on your BC) and then you will know which name is recorded on everything?

I have already changed my name using deed poll and it created more problems than it solved. At any rate, no, as I’ve explained.

If I go for a job interview and I have put Jane on my application I then have to correct people on the day and then also explain why my references refer to Anna and so do some of my official documents.

If I put down Anna it is generally easier as I just explain my passport says Jane as my first name. Unfortunately I once had some particularly obtuse employers. It is laughable now but caused immense stress at the time.

Winter has it spot on.

I would be willing to bet that most of those on here failing to see the problem were not named in such a way anyway. I say most there, probably not all.

I have had problems at airports too. The name on your ticket/boarding pass should ideally match the one on your passport. Even my parents used to get that one wrong when booking my childhood family holidays, and they bloody well named me in the first place! DH did it this year, but fortunately I picked up on it in good time and the airline agreed to make the amendment without any additional charges.

It is a very real pain in the arse.

Because when I was 18 I filled in an application for a bank account and put my name on it. Basically!

You sound pretty determined to feel inconvenienced by it tbh.

I don't understand why it's so difficult.
I have a nickname that has been used for over 40 years. Friends, family, acquaintances, work etc all use this nickname. But when it comes to official stuff my legal name which is nothing similar to my nickname is used.

I have professional qualifications in my real name because I signed up using this name. My wage slips all have my real name but in work, I am called X. Cheques maybe the people I associate are odd as they always check who I want it made payable to.
CV once it's written then it's just a case of updating as and when and when I get the job I just say Hi, my name is World but everyone calls me Rose and this name gets added onto staff ID, email address etc.

If I couldn't navigate professionally using my real name I would have to give myself a bloody good head wobble and wonder wtf was wrong with me.