To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

[wrongwayaround]

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

• being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.

• never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.

• nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.

• a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

Yep topsey

Of course this is AIBU so some just love to tell you it is All Your Fault.

My name was a matter of contention for years.

I have already changed my name using deed poll and it created more problems than it solved. At any rate, no, as I’ve explained

Now I’m really confused. 😂

Oh and I have an enhanced DBS and again no problem because basically there is a clear paper trail, you aren't trying to hide anything.

I don't know how to tag people but , again, it's honestly not as "simple" as people are trying to make it out to be.

My parents always put my name down on forms for most things, so by the time I was old enough to be in charge of my own forms / life - most of my forms had my name on them. But then, a few had my legal name on them... it's like when you take over a new role at work. But the person before you left such a mess and you spend ages trying to decipher the mess. The mess is my life. So by the time I took control , it was already 'some forms have name 1, some forms have name 2'.

If anything I blame the system for allowing my parents to get away with this in the first place. Maybe if some documents were refused due to name not matching birth certificate , I wouldn't be in this position. But the Irish government seemed to take my parents word for it

My passport was granted in my name (ie my "preferred" name. A name which is nowhere on my birth certificate). Try explaining that some years down the line.

I almost wasn't allowed my student ID card on my first day of college as I had NO documents to prove my first name.. my passport, age card and drivers license all had my name on them , but my college ID had my first name on it. It caused a lot of anxiety on my first ever day of college.

world

I can assure you it is not my head needing a wobble.

I once worked for an organisation who claimed there was no record of me holding the qualification I did and as such they believed I might have forged my certificate. This took four months to be resolved.

The problem was very simply that they had looked for me using only Anna. At no point had I hidden Jane from them. It was their fuck up. So don’t tell me to give my head a wobble. How about actually listening to what I, topsey, winter and others are saying?

Whenever anyone asks my name, I give them the full whack. I don't use the full first name on my birth certificate but another form of it. In my early 20s it got confusing so I wrote to all official bodies requesting them to change it to my used name - tax, bank, DVLA, etc. My driving licence, bank, election roll, tax records, house deeds, and passport etc are in my used name rather than birth certificate name, as was my military ID and records. I have had umpteen security clearances with no problem. Why not do the same, requesting them to change their records? It only cost me stationery and stamps. Mind you, I live in Scotland where it is legal to call yourself what you like as long as it is not for fraudulent purposes and a married name is just another alias...

What's wrong with trying to remember to give both names? I give both even though I use the first.

you need a legal document

To whom it may concern, Anna Morrison is also known as Jane Morrison, and both names or either appear on documentaion.

Make 500 copies, send one off every time you need it.

My birth certificate doesn't make the name I use and on all documents, I just get asked to confirm in writing that I am 'also known as'

the pp whose bank wouldn't accept a cheque - you need your bank to have that on your account.

My dad has 3 names, he uses the third, and any of the three appear on cheques. The bank has all 3 and has never made an issue

I would be willing to bet that most of those on here failing to see the problem were not named in such a way anyway. I say most there, probably not all.

Good thing you said “most”. I have two forenames, I was called a slight variation of the first one from childhood. Had it changes by deed poll as an adult.

Before it was changed, I had to remember to put my official first forename (that I was never called) plus second forename on passport etc.

Amending it by deed poll was a costly PIA but it’s been smooth sailing ever since.

The problem with that is that people then call me jane, which to me, is not my name. (My real first name is horrible actually, a real frumpy old lady name It also sounds horrible with my surname.)

Because when I was 18 I filled in an application for a bank account and put my name on it. Basically! but surely this is the issue, rather than your parents.
You didn’t put your first name on it though you put your middle / known by name on it.

You used your middle name for an official document. It’s bound to cause problems. I understand at 18 you possibly didn’t realise but surely once you realised the complications the best thing would have been to change your name by deed pole to Anna or change the bank name to Jane. Instead you chose to carry on for years with different things in different names which is bound to cause you stress!

Also never had a problem with the enhanced. I fill it in using my legal name, provide documentation and hand it all to whoever is dealing with it in work. They have never questioned it, nor has anyone who comes in and looks at files because the works information is fully current and includes an also known as or something like that.

It’s quite exasperating when people insist there can be no problem because they didn’t have one.

I don't see how this is such a problem for you. I have a name on my birth certificate but get called a nick name that could easily be someone's actual name. Everyone I know calls me Nick name apart from teachers and anyone who phones because I use my "legal name" for all documents etc. Not that hard and a lot of people I know don't even realise I have another name.

The problem with that is that people then call me jane, which to me, is not my name. but can’t you just say ‘I go by Anna’, the same if someone calls Catherine Cathy, they would just correct and say ‘I go by Kate’.

Sorry but I changed my FULL name via deed poll and it was the easiest thing to do. You are grossly exaggerating the apparent difficulty of changing your name. I had no problems changing it at any organisation- hmrc, work, passport, dvla, bills, university, nhs, literally everywhere you can think of. Within a week my name was changed everywhere, I had my new passport and was just waiting for my driving license to arrive.

Nor do most people I know. Shocking though it may be, would you be willing to accept we might not be the same age, may not do the same job and as such may not face the same issues?

I accept it isn’t an issue for you. However it is for me.

It really is as simple as that.

It would be so much easier if you are just switching your first and middle names as well

I have done so. It was not easy. I’m pleased it was for you however

It’s quite exasperating when people insist there can be no problem because they didn’t have one.

Hope you didn’t mean me. Earlier on in the thread, you seemed to suggest that there was only one forename on your passport/driving licence, but when pressed, seemed to say there were two.

And then stated that you actually had your name changed by deed poll which causes even more confusion.

So at this stage, I’m merely responding to other posters’ musings as I’m completely confused as to what your official forename(s) now is/are, I’m afraid.

My husband uses a different name
to his official name.

It's hardly complicated on any official paperwork (booking holiday / employment stuff / flight booking etc) to do with any element of life he uses the name on his birth certificate / passport etc

But we still call him the name he uses day in day out.

Never had any issues in the last 36 years.

Sorry but you can avoid all of this by just using your official name as per documentation - If you don't like that then officially change your first name?!?

I had no problems changing it at any organisation- hmrc, work, passport, dvla, bills, university, nhs, literally everywhere you can think of

I had no problems as such but having to pay full whack for a new PP for such a fractional change did grind my gears.

I said I would give my head a wobble if I couldn't remember to use my legal name on legal documents. I am consistent with the name I write on all legal documents even though I never use that name. Even when I was married I had to think who are you talking to when doing the vows part because the name is so alien to me.
Even when I have been to court, everyone in the room used my nickname, it's only on the actual legal stuff my legal name is used, transcipts were a tad confusing though

No butchy I am not referring to any one person but a number of people on this thread are quite adamant that because it isn’t an issue for them my own issues are purely of my own making which is exasperating.

OP, just ignore those failing to see the issue.

I would think that most of them can actually see the issue, but are just determined not to because this is AIBU.

There are plenty of us here who have had issues with this. Even my parents can see the issues and have said at times that if they could turn back time then they would have registered my names the other way round. They are lovely parents. It is one of our few gripes.

So basically you are annoyed because you haven't used your registered name on all documents/registrations etc. OK then.