To know full well I’m being unreasonable but feel pissed off with my parents anyway

[wrongwayaround]

When I was born my parents decided to use the name they intended to use as my first name as a middle name. The reason for this was because the initials spelled something and they thought it was funny.

So rather than being Anna Jane Morrison I am Jane Anna Morrison but called Anna. That’s not my real name but for illustrative purposes it suits - they thought having ‘jam’ as my initials was amusing (not my real initials either.)

So here are some of the issues it has created:

• being called the wrong name by teachers because I was ‘jane’ on the register.

• never knowing which name is recorded anywhere in an official capacity so banks, doctors and so on having to hunt for Anna and Jane.

• nearly being unable to fly once as I had made the booking as Anna and my passport said Jane.

• a professional investigation at work due to them not believing I held the qualification I did as there was no record of me at the regulatory body.

Quite honestly it infuriates me.

And I know you can change your name but it’s been more trouble than it is worth as I need to have an enhanced DBS for work and it looks as though I have something to hide when I don’t.

I know I am unreasonable but it does irritate me that my parents have caused me a lifetime of inconvenience for a stupid unfunny joke.

@ASatisfyingThump
If it's been your name your whole life I can see how it can be easy to forget it's not your first name. Not quite the same, but my name is a common shortening of a longer name (like Cathy/Catherine) and people have been calling me by the long version my entire life. It's not my name, it's never been my name, it's not even on my birth certificate. And they still get huffy when I correct them, as if I'm the one in the wrong!

Is that you, Terri?

I didn’t change my surname when I got married.

Only on official documents do I have my married name.

So you did change your name then.

I never use my middle name but know it has to be given on a flight booking confused

Nor I. Have never been been known by my middle name either but still remember it's there and must be recorded on offish documentation.

Had the thread been, "my name is Mary Jane but I have never been called Mary Jane, only Mary. It has caused endless amounts of trouble because my passport/driving licence/degree certificate all say Mary Jane but I book flight tickets etc as Mary because I don't remember that I have a middle name. AIBU in thinking that my parents were unreasonable in giving me two forenames and expecting me to remember that I have two forenames?"

OR

"My name is Elizabeth but I have only ever been known as Libby... was it unreasonable of my parents to give me a nickname-able name?" - how would MN respond?

ButchyRestingFace exactly.

Completely understand and sympathise OP. I would hate this. When DD was a teen, she decided it would be cool to join first and middle names together!! Therefore longer first name but no middle. I warned her this would cause problems but she went ahead. Using it as first name in exams, uni degree, driving licence etc. But of course, it differs from birth certificate! Now in her 20's, it's caused no end of problems. Ridiculous!! That'll teach her to listen to mum YANBU. Parents should have known better.

Haven't got time to rtft but my dh is like this. Always gone by his middle name.

Made the mistake once of booking flights in middle name. Had to pay £10 to get it changed to match passport oops.

For all medical, banking, birth certificate (dd as well) marriage certificate etc he is known by official name but to talk to etc it's his middle name.

When meeting someone official that has his "actual"name he just says oh I prefer to be called xxx

No dramas... just have to rememeber when doing anything official in his name to make sure I use his banking name

My co volunteer applied for our scheme she wrote Elizabeth (BETH) Marie Smith on her application. Surely that would be the easiest way round for at least job applications. So you could put Jane ANNA Murphy.

My secondary school spelled out very clearly that formal exams had to appear as they did on birth certificates.

It caught a few out - one girl spelt her first name two different ways as her family did that. Another was known by an abbreviation from her middle name. It was very clearly explained it had to match or it would cause issues further down the line for them.

My DGF never used his given names he used common name with same initial as his Celtic Christian name - everything was in that bar the birth and death certificate - marriage and passport were in his used name. No idea how he managed that but he died over 20 years ago so I suspect things have tightened up with time.

I was surprised how much of an arse changing my name in mid 20 to married name was - so many people to tell and all needing to see all the documents.

I’d suggest changing name by deed poll - I think most peopel would understand - or be more consistent and explain to people before it gets to be an issue – brackets name know by on forms.

I didn’t find it a pain changing my name after marriage.

I’m confused about why any of this has to get people so bent out of shape!

My parents did this I changed to my first name when I was 7 though!

But surely the issue is just you forgetting to use your first name, just like if someone changed their name when they got married and kept forgetting and using their maiden name to book flights and on official forms and job aplcations. Understandably it would cause issues.

Going by a middle name or short version of your name or a different nickname isn’t in itself an issue. Problems will inevitably arise if you then forget and put a different name on forms or choose to put a different name on forms. If you continue to do this and don’t change the previous errors then you will inevitably run into problems.

I understand you are angry that this is an issue for you in the first place but it seems like it’s easier to blame your parents rather than taking control and owning the responsibility that the issues are caused by you putting a different name down.

What Kardashianlove said.

I didn’t find it a pain changing my name after marriage.

I worked in IT lots of moving around so I had multiple pension schemes to update small pots of money I couldn’t consolidate as it would wipe the money out, couple of different banks, current account, Isa, credit card saving accounts and was in the middle of changing employer, and despite keeping both informed it cause the HR department issues, and the tax department decide to keep hold of my documents which took time and determination to get back – they’d clearly been stapled to something. I seem to remember one of the utility companies and the rental agency being more complicated than we expected.

I recently had a pension scheme for no reason revert my maiden name – they couldn’t explain how that happened.

Maybe I was unlucky but despite having extra copies of marriage certificate it took a lot of time and paper work to sort out which was a suprise as I though it a fairly normal thing to do.

I changed my name (I'm in Scotland, too) and told the DVLA, HMRC and my work. No issues at all. I renewed my passport in my new name and no problem. DB assumed my DF's surname when my DPs got married and has used it ever since (50+ years) without a problem and even has some form of US residency using it. DD2 decided she hated XH's surname and changed it. We informed the school. When she turned 16, she got a new birth certificate because she wanted one in her new surname, not because she had to have one.

You want this to be a problem and have people sympathise and really, you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes, you can in Scotland
No need for deed poll, you just declare you are known as X. Been there, done that, got the passport in new name.

Well, I'm in Scotland, and was told otherwise a number of years ago. Hence the deed poll. Which I'm glad I did in a way, because it felt like a finality. But had I been advised otherwise, I would have saved myself £££. So at the same time.

I’ve realised why I don’t get the issue. Until I got married and changed my name I had a surname that people often misspelled. So I was used to just always being very careful to check. That was totally second nature (so I keep doing it now even though my married surname never gets misspelled). I don’t get how, by the time you reached adulthood, this hadn’t just become an ingrained habit - how are you not just used to checking? Like the certification -why would you not ensure you told your work what name that was in?

My parents have always used my middle name (and so have i) never caused me an issue.

Basically remember to put real first name on anything official.

It's not difficult

Yes, very droll MirriVan but I think this thread is about being past that stage. Important documents already have differing names. wrongway's parents shouldn't have been so daft and irresponsible in the first place! Doesn't take much to think > Er, hang on, if we change her names round could it make things difficult in the future........duh? I'd be pissed off too!

YANBU - it all sounds an unnecessary inconvenience for you and who needs extra hassle in their live.