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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex with him to keep the peace?

214 replies

BlazeM · 04/10/2018 18:51

DH wants sex way more often than me.
He is currently furious with me as he thinks I am a selfish wife for not considering his ‘needs’. This stems from an argument last week where I was on my period, but refused to pleasure him by hand resulting in him being unable to sleep.
I have refused to have sex with him since, as quite frankly the way he’s behaving is repulsive.
He’s becoming more and more vile, ignoring me during the day, ranting at night not allowing me to go to sleep because he can’t sleep, threatening to go and have sex with other women, telling me if I loved my husband I should want to please him and I’m breaking up the family because I’m selfish and only care about myself.


We’ve had this same type of argument over and over again and I always give in and give him what he wants so that he will stop being such a prick.
Until the next time.


AIBU to just have sex with him to keep the peace, what do other people do in this situation where their partner’s sex drive is way higher than theirs?

OP posts:
MacosieAsunter · 04/10/2018 18:52

I'd leave him. He's abusive.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/10/2018 18:52

He is being abusive and sexually harassing you. You do not owe him sex, and if he can't function/sleep:be happy without it he needs to see a doctor. You're a human, not a wank sock (sorry to be vulgar)

GunpowderGelatine · 04/10/2018 18:53

Also there's a word for a man who coerced a woman into sex she doesn't want. He needs to learn about enthusiastic consent

Fatted · 04/10/2018 18:54

Tell him to go and fuck some other tart and fuck off and never come back.

mimibunz · 04/10/2018 18:54

His behaviour is vile and abusive. What does he bring to the relationship? I’m going through menopause and my libido has nose dived. My husband has never pressured me for sex, he’s been a gentleman. Your husband needs to get control of himself.

Wolfiefan · 04/10/2018 18:54

He couldn’t sleep?
Did someone break both his arms?
He needs to sort himself out and not be a sex pest.
Don’t give in.

PickAChew · 04/10/2018 18:54

You would be very unreasonable to even consider having sex with a man who is happy to stick his dick in a woman who is not consenting enthusiastically. He's disgusting.

Why the hell didn't he have a wank instead of complaining about not being able to sleep?

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 18:55

Do you truly not understand that this is NOT normal and he is horribly abusive? I think you should run as fast as you can. Your husband is repugnant.

Slapbetcommissioner · 04/10/2018 18:55

He's vile and abusive. YANBU. How easy would it be for you to leave him? Joint mortgage or tenancy? Kids? Your support network?

WobbleTime · 04/10/2018 18:57

Oh god this is vile and abusive behaviour from him. You can’t live like this.

henben · 04/10/2018 18:57

ummmmm....where to start???

a relationship is give and take but in his case it appears to be all take and that is not acceptable!!!!

The idea that he cannot sleep without you pleasuring him by hand is ridiculous...tell him to have a wank!!!!

If he is becoming vile then you really need to consider your situation.

If you end up giving in when you truly don't want to ...IMHO you are giving him the green light to continue this ridiculous and childish behaviour and enabling his entitled and selfish behaviour.

If he forces the issue at a time when you are truly not willing then that is a whole different matter and you need to consider whether it has evolved into abuse and sexual abuse (i say that as a criminal lawyer).

This is deeply concerning and whilst every relationship needs a bit of balance to meet both parties needs there comes a time when it is abusive....

Sorry if I have read your message incorrectly

ChairmanMiaow123 · 04/10/2018 18:58

Man alive, Blaze...he’s being a complete twat (if you don’t mind me saying?).

I know (from my own experiences) that your husband’s type of behaviour just removes any sexual impulse from my body.
I find it extremely unattractive and just makes me dig my heels in more.

You wouldn’t reward this sort of behaviour from your children, so it’s exactly the same for your husband, in my opinion.

Original poster
BlazeM · 04/10/2018 18:58

Yes I realise that this isn’t a great way for him to behave, he sometimes does have a wank if I refuse. But the longer is goes without having sex the more angry he gets.

I’m not in a position to leave right now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/10/2018 18:58

This is less about sex drive and more about abuse

Leave him

Lemontart25 · 04/10/2018 18:59

He's behaviour is awful. Do not do anything you don't want. He is also behaving just like a child would.... pestering you becasue you have given in, in the past. If you want this to stop you have to find a different solution. I have had similar arguements over the years but he knows where to draw the line otherwise I will remain stubborn even when I do want it myself!

Also what is wrong with his own hands if he is having that much trouble nodding off due to it???!! Selfish prick.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/10/2018 18:59

Sex should be enjoyable, not used as currency to quell his anger.
OP do you want to leave - I know you're not in a position to but if you were, would you?

TedAndLola · 04/10/2018 18:59

I was in a marriage where I began having sex to keep the peace.

I'm no longer in that marriage. I almost cried with happiness the first night I went to bed alone and, two years later, I'm still so happy to be away from that pressure.

Duckherding · 04/10/2018 18:59

What a cunt

babswindsor · 04/10/2018 19:00

Start making plans, OP. I do sympathise, this is one in a long list why I eventually divorced my first OH. Remember there's nothing wrong with you, when he starts trying to gaslight you.

Fairenuff · 04/10/2018 19:00

He is abusive. Leave him.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2018 19:00

Cross posted

Find a way to leave but in the meantime you do not have to fuck him. Shut up shop and invite him to go shag all these other women who must be gagging at the thought of his golden cock.

How "angry" does he actually get ? Call the police if he threatens you.

henben · 04/10/2018 19:01

What duckherding said!!!!!

Squidgee · 04/10/2018 19:02

its about control and disrespect for you, you're not his sex doll.
I put up with that crap for 17 years.. glad I finally saw sense.

Leave him.

Whojimawhatsit · 04/10/2018 19:03

You do realise this is abuse and if he has sex with you when you don’t truly want him to that’s rape.

Please consider leaving him.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/10/2018 19:03

I agree about other women - tell him to go for it. Men always think they're the same person they were when they were 19, can go out a just pick up any supermodel-type with a simple look. When in reality most women spot a bastard that big a mile off and wouldn't touch with with a shitty stick

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