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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions- is it petty to take back a cot ?!

341 replies

Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:05

So I’m 33 weeks pregnant
Partner walked out on me suddenly at 26 weeks
We had babies nursery all ready it’s gorgeous - ex partners mum bought the cot and she has now asked for it back so it can stay at her house.

What do people think of this ?
I’m shocked as I was under impression it was a gift for her grandchild.
I have offered to give her the money so I don’t have to have the stress of removing that one and getting a new one - but she wants that cot as it was on offer.
Unsure if I think this is ridiculous cause I’m hormonal or because it is ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:06

Also I’ll add we’ve never had any issues. I thought we were fine !

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 03/10/2018 08:07

Nah, she can whistle for it.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 03/10/2018 08:08

She’s being incredibly petty and nasty. She should be supporting you and giving her son all the shit. Say no, it was bought for the baby not for her house and was a gift not a loan, you’re not giving it back. I wouldn’t be letting the baby stay there either if she’s being like this already.

Hisnamesblaine · 03/10/2018 08:08

Horrible bitch. Say no

AuntBeastie · 03/10/2018 08:08

Christ, that’s not petty it’s bordeline evil. Her son has walked out on his 33 week pregnant oartner and she wants to take back the baby’s cot??

I would flat out refuse. Legally, it counts as a gift and she has no entitlement to take it back. I would say ‘as this was a gift, I won’t be returning it.’ and then block the witch.

Boxingmama · 03/10/2018 08:09

Yes she’s being ridiculous, ignore her, she’s being an interfering bitch ... trying to get in on the breakup drama.

NoProbLlama78 · 03/10/2018 08:09

It makes me wonder why she is assuming your baby will be staying at her house.
I'd let her have the cot and arrange contact between you and your ex as you see fit but bear in mind your baby will need you as a newborn. Contact needs to be little and often.
Also give your baby your last name.

SleepyMcEdie · 03/10/2018 08:09

I would reply and say she won’t be needing one at her house as the baby won’t be staying there.

EvaHarknessRose · 03/10/2018 08:10

She is ridiculous, however keep the moral high ground by giving it back to her with huge graciousness. Tell her she will have to take it down herself though, you can’t be expected to do that.

Good luck with everything and don’t feel pushed around by her in the future when she won’t have any power left.

mimibunz · 03/10/2018 08:10

She’s being extremely petty. And what makes her think she will be needing the cot? Does she think your LO will be staying at hers? Best to give it back and go LC. Try to find another one on Freecycle?

Cleanermaidcook · 03/10/2018 08:10

See I'd tell her just to take it just so she couldn't make me feel indebted to her. When the baby is born she could get stuffed if she thought it was staying over at hers though.

ShovingLeopard · 03/10/2018 08:11

You re under no obligation to return a gift. She is being unbelievably spiteful and selfish by putting this hassle on you in late pregnancy. Do she and her son think you have to shoulder all the financial burden for your child now he has buggered off?

I would tell her no, and say how upset and disappointed you are that she has asked. It's a cot for her grandchild. You are in late pregnancy, and the stress is bad for you.

I am very surprised she is not hugely disappointed in her son for walking out on you like this. What has he told her?

Youshallnotpass · 03/10/2018 08:12

I would reply and say she won’t be needing one at her house as the baby won’t be staying there.

100% this! what a horrible person

AuntBeastie · 03/10/2018 08:12

I would reply and say she won’t be needing one at her house as the baby won’t be staying there

Good point, definitely throw that in. It will be months and months at the minimum before the baby is old enough to sleep away from you. She won’t need a cot at hers

EvaHarknessRose · 03/10/2018 08:12

Yes she will have a huge white elephant of a cot at her house - do not allow separations from your baby as it can cause later attachment problems and a whole heap of emotional issues for later life.

Kindnessplease · 03/10/2018 08:12

She's being petty. I'd remind her it was a gift and it's rude to ask for gifts back. I'd also remind her that it's very unlikely that she'd get a chance to use it at her house as the baby won't be staying there for quite some while.

ShovingLeopard · 03/10/2018 08:13

Btw, if you bf, you will be under no obligation to allow the baby away from you for the night.....

kaytee87 · 03/10/2018 08:13

I'd ask her why she thinks the baby will be staying overnight with her anyway?

Her and her son are both arseholes by the sounds of it.

hedgehogboots · 03/10/2018 08:13

I had this when I was pregnant with my DD except it was my own bed not her cot! It was the only thing Ex contributed to our house, some cheap bed with a thin matteress as mine was broken and not ideal for me to sleep on. His Mum bought it as he was paying off some finance debts. When he moved back to his Mum’s she actually demanded it back the cheeky mare. Trying to take a pregnant woman’s bed and mattress from under her! Just ignore her OP. He is meant to provide furniture, clothes etc for his child

Anniegetyourgun · 03/10/2018 08:14

Makes you wonder what her son told her about why he walked out. Or whether she encouraged him to.

ShovingLeopard · 03/10/2018 08:15

Actually, Eva has it right. Whatever the feeding method, the early period is crucial for fostering attachment, which sets the template for all relationships. If it doesn't go right, emotional difficulties can arise that can be life-long. Do not let the baby do overnight visits until older.

newmumwithquestions · 03/10/2018 08:15

Definitely give your baby your last name whatever you do.

She is being totally unreasonable.

Whether you give the cot back depends on how much you want to preserve your relationship with her. My feel is that she’s shown her true colours and I’m afraid you’re doing this in your own OP. Do you have your own family around for help?

Personally I’d say she can take the cot once her son arranges (and pays for) an alternative. And do nothing.

Knitwit101 · 03/10/2018 08:15

I would give it to her. She is petty and horrible and totally U but I would give it back. I would get a friend to help take it apart and take it round to her house. You will be free of her this way. Don't let her feel she has any sort of hold over you on the future or that you owe her anything.

Original poster
Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:15

I think she wants it as my ex has moved back in with her - so ‘ they want it for theres’
I’m at a lost end because I even offered the money and now I feel completely deflated- not only because I am shocked she is being so cruel- at the minute I’m a high risk pregnancy, having growth scans every week and my mum passed away a couple of years ago so I’m struggling abit which she knows. So I am just shocked she isn’t being more supportive. And on top of this I’m getting the constant ‘ the baby will be fine to stop out after a few weeks’

Me and ex partner were getting on better terms to co parent and he was being helpful regarding baby stuff and this has pushed it all back now because I’m shocked he is letting his mum behave this way.

OP posts:
DDogMum · 03/10/2018 08:15

Say yes. Come and take it down and take it away. You won't be having my child sleep in it at your house though as I'm planning to breastfeed until he's 5!