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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions- is it petty to take back a cot ?!

341 replies

Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:05

So I’m 33 weeks pregnant
Partner walked out on me suddenly at 26 weeks
We had babies nursery all ready it’s gorgeous - ex partners mum bought the cot and she has now asked for it back so it can stay at her house.

What do people think of this ?
I’m shocked as I was under impression it was a gift for her grandchild.
I have offered to give her the money so I don’t have to have the stress of removing that one and getting a new one - but she wants that cot as it was on offer.
Unsure if I think this is ridiculous cause I’m hormonal or because it is ridiculous

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 03/10/2018 08:34

I would give it back,it would give me great pleasure in them sitting there and its empty.No baby in the cot.

And dont take anything off her again.

newhousenewstart · 03/10/2018 08:35

Her behaviour is disgusting. The cot was a gift to you for your child who will continue to reside with you once it’s born. I’d completely refuse to return a gift

Bear2014 · 03/10/2018 08:35

I don't think people are saying only BF mums want to be near their baby but pragmatically BF is an effective way to stop others being granted overnight visits. I didn't allow my kids to sleep out overnight well after I quit BF personally.

Smurfybubbles · 03/10/2018 08:36

Don't let anyone pressure you into taking the baby away from you if you're not comfortable with it! DS is 5 months and I'm only considering letting him stay away from me for a night soon (more because he's not sleeping and I really need the break). Your baby needs you and nobody else for the first few months.

Give her the cot back but tell her it's of no use to her because it won't be used. Just say it in a very matter of fact way so there's no doubt. If she has a problem with it she can take it up with her son who has chosen to walk away from his pregnant partner. Then make it really clear to him that you won't be letting baby stay anywhere overnight until you are happy to do so (if ever).

seven201 · 03/10/2018 08:36

What a fucking bitch. I think I'd let her take it - have the higher moral ground. On my local selling pages there are often beautiful 'posh' cots being given away or sold very cheaply. Get a new mattress though.

Bluelady · 03/10/2018 08:36

Normally my advice is to take the moral high ground but not here. Don't give it back, don't engage with this woman at all, you don't have to. Blank her and let her son deal with her.

The apple really didn't fall far from the tree here. You'd think she'd be bloody mortified her son walked out on his pregnant partner, not making life difficult for her.

StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2018 08:37

Your own mum has died and they think this is appropriate?! You need someone helping you fight your corner - please tell me you do?
And yes give the cot back. I hope it chokes them

KathDayKnight50 · 03/10/2018 08:37

My sentence above should have read, "That woman should be treading carefully and HOPING you don't become as petty as her regarding seeing the child" (because of course it is up to you at the end of the day and she should be keeping on your good side). Hope I am now making sense!

Figgygal · 03/10/2018 08:37

She's sooooooo out of order but fuck it give it back to her then get the legal stuff sorted out to secure your future

Feb2018mumma · 03/10/2018 08:38

I would buy another cot and tell them to collect theirs but you won't be helping in any way and say it's ironic as I would have felt more comfortable baby being with you before you took his cot from his home! How do they expect you to be happy giving them your newborn when they are so petty!

RhythmStix · 03/10/2018 08:38

She is incredibly mean and selfish. Sad

I think you should tell her that the cot was a gift for the BABY - not you - and therefore you won't be returning it. Why would she want to deprive her OWN GRANDCHILD a decent cot? the baby will be staying with you and not her.

The other thing you need to do is keep records of all her messages and texts etc just in case this turns nasty. Keep all proof of her being a vile cow. Good luck Smile

Beamur · 03/10/2018 08:38

I'd give it back. Let her come to the house and dismantle it herself, she might feel a little bit uncomfortable.
Ignore the chatter about the baby being ok to go there in the first few weeks. That's up to you, if you do decide to bf, then it won't be possible for the baby to be away from you for long anyway. Having a cot at your ex's place will be good for the baby for naps as and when it's old enough to visit.
Get your own cot that's nothing to do with this horrible woman. Or your ex.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/10/2018 08:38

She is being unreasonable! But I would give it back and feel smug in my head that the cot was unlikely to ever be used.

QueenoftheNights · 03/10/2018 08:38

Let her have it.

(The cot!)

Why would you want a reminder of her and her son?

Tell her to come and take it away. Buy a new one.

I'd not go any further and certainly not threaten them with the baby never staying there. Your ex has a right to see his child. And as babies stay in their cots till they are at least a year or two old, the odds are your child will stay with his dad at some point.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2018 08:38

I'd contact ex, say of your Mother wants her cot back then you need to come take it down, fetch a new one from the store and put it up. I assume you don't want baby sleeping on the floor or expect me to do it heavily pregnant.
I honestly think the poor cot is going to be rather tainted to you anyway.

And def try to bf for 6 months minimum

HazelBite · 03/10/2018 08:38

This would upset me greatly, it is so very petty, and to me is a strong indication of things to come.
I would let her have it back, as long as you get a new matress any clean second hand cot is perfectly adequate.
I would breast feed too (even if it doesn't go well and you have to supplement with bottles) as long as MIL is unreasonable you can be as well, and a breastfed baby cannot be away from its Mother overnight.
Have some Flowers I hope it all goes well for you look after yourself

Frazzled2207 · 03/10/2018 08:38

She does sound nasty. I would give it back to her though, As long as you don't dismantle it yourself.

Beamur · 03/10/2018 08:39

And then send your ex a text asking for a financial contribution to it!

SistersOfPercy · 03/10/2018 08:39

It would taint it for me. As others have said send it back (preferably flat packed with bits missing) and tell her she wont be needing it anyway.

Choose a nice, bitch free cot yourself.

Alltheprettyseahorses · 03/10/2018 08:39

It's petty as fuck. I'd tell her to come and get it f it was me in that situation, purely because the shine would have been taken off it. Let the cot stand empty in her house.

Natsku · 03/10/2018 08:39

It is very petty. My ex's parents tried the same thing, I told them to fuck off. But I wasn't interested in maintaining any kind of relationship with them so I didn't care about pissing them off but if you want peace you might want to give it back. But on the other hand, do you want her to think she can push you around like this? It will only get worse.

PositivelyPERF · 03/10/2018 08:39

I’d tell her that she’s welcome to come and get it and I hope she gets a good price for it. When she asks what you mean, ‘sure, my baby is going to need a toddler bed, by the time I finish breast feeding, so will be too big for the cot, by the time she/he stays over’.

Natsku · 03/10/2018 08:40

As others have said send it back (preferably flat packed with bits missing)

Oh though I like this idea!

pickleandspud · 03/10/2018 08:40

Absolutely no!!!

A newborn needs to stay with their mum, and depending on your choice of feeding your baby won't be far from you for at least 6 months.
I would also strongly recommend giving your baby your last name, maybe see if you can find a local family solicitor and a free consultation just to be prepared and know your rights.
And personally I would also change your locks on your property.

She and her son sound like twats!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 03/10/2018 08:41

As others have said, give it back and let it sit empty.

And I'd wait until she came to get it and calmly point out that your baby wouldn't be going there overnight for a very long time, breastfed or not.

But I'm a vindictive bitch and I'd probably throw in a few comments about moving far away to somewhere where I'd get more support as well.

And no, the baby wouldn't have his name and he wouldn't be on the birth certificate either. If he wants to have the honour of being your baby's father he needs to fucking act like one.

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