Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions- is it petty to take back a cot ?!

341 replies

Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:05

So I’m 33 weeks pregnant
Partner walked out on me suddenly at 26 weeks
We had babies nursery all ready it’s gorgeous - ex partners mum bought the cot and she has now asked for it back so it can stay at her house.

What do people think of this ?
I’m shocked as I was under impression it was a gift for her grandchild.
I have offered to give her the money so I don’t have to have the stress of removing that one and getting a new one - but she wants that cot as it was on offer.
Unsure if I think this is ridiculous cause I’m hormonal or because it is ridiculous

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 03/10/2018 08:17

She is being so petty. I would try and rise above her though and tell her she is welcome to come and collect it.
Definitely make sure the baby has your surname as another poster mentioned. Otherwise you could struggle to take your child abroad. If you are breastfeeding then the baby wouldn’t be expected to have overnight contact away from you until at least 6 months.

gamerchick · 03/10/2018 08:18

You know what OP I'd give it to her. I wouldn't be telling her the baby won't be staying at her house any time soon either.

It sounds as if you have bigger battles to come when the babies born, she's given you a heads up on things to come.

ZoeWashburne · 03/10/2018 08:18

I just want to say this is awful for you! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Don't let them gaslight or bully you into feeling like you are being the bad guy here. Just ignore them if you need to. Do you have a friend or family member that can help you deal with them? Sometimes you need an external person who can help you recognise this situation is not normal.

I wouldn't delve into reasoning with her- she will make you be the villain no matter what, and giving reasons for saying no opens the door to her arguing with her. Also, you don't want to deal with her now about child contact when the baby isn't even here yet.

Just say "no, the gift you gave is still being used so it won't be possible to return it. I can return the gift back to you when it is done, if you would like".
Then ignore whatever she has to say after. Don't engage.

ShovingLeopard · 03/10/2018 08:19

No, the baby won't be fine to stay with them after a few weeks.

Read 'Why Love Matters' by Sue Gerhardt. Then give it to them to read.

It will explain to them why you aren't letting them have your baby overnight, or for long periods of time, and how this would be against the baby's best interests.

They need to focus on the baby's needs, not their own. This doesn't bode well for that.

gamerchick · 03/10/2018 08:20

And yes please don't give the baby his surname, even if you get back together in the meantime. He's told you who he is and what he's capable of and him having those rights causes all sorts of shit.

Blackoutblinds · 03/10/2018 08:21

The cot was a gift to the baby and her son though - and if he’s living with her she wants it for there even for daytime naps presumably.

I’d give her it back.

His access to the baby is separate to his walking out on you at 26 weeks.

I really don’t mean to sound harsh but you need to get your unemotive head on and deal with this in a proper legal way. Go and see a solicitor if you can afford it and if not see if you can find a firm that does the 30 mins free or else get to a uni law clinic.

Don’t take legal advice from here - it’s often incorrect and at best is not based on full knowledge of the facts (eg. Don’t give the baby his last name. Makes no difference. It’s registering the birth and putting him on the birth certificate gives parental rights and even at that, if the baby is his he would awarded them in court if he went to court.)

eggsandwich · 03/10/2018 08:21

I’d say “sorry as it’s been getting colder I chopped it up for fire wood.”

FruitofAutumn · 03/10/2018 08:21

I would take the moral high round and return it,Yes, it seems petty to ask for it back, but equally petty not to return it.You don't technically have to I suppose, but it was given to you under a different set of circ,mstances.I suppose the father will have access and will need a place for the baby to sleep

Bear2014 · 03/10/2018 08:21

That is seriously petty. Definitely give the baby your last name. I would not be fussed about the cot per se but there is no way on earth I would have allowed either of my kids to be away from me overnight until well over the age of 1. Agree with PP if possible try to BF as long as you can.

TwiceAsNice22 · 03/10/2018 08:23

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. It’s unbelievable tbh! I would put it back on your ex and ask him what cot he is planning on getting for the baby since his mother wants the other one back. Don’t argue or get angry just make it clear you are dealing with a high risk pregnancy and replacing a cot that was gifted to your baby is not on your to do list.

Also don’t agree to any overnights or anything else at the moment. It is completely unrealistic for them to be thinking the baby will be spending nights there after a couple of weeks! Try not to engage and take on the stress they are throwing your way. They should be supporting you and the baby, not adding stress to a high risk pregnancy!

FruitofAutumn · 03/10/2018 08:23

ask her to come and collect it and dismantle it thouhh

MsHopey · 03/10/2018 08:24

I would also worry what he's been telling her about the break up and situation.
I kno2 my MIL would no way take her grandchilds gifts off me if DH and I split.
I think it's unreasonable of her and as you've told her you haven't got the time or energy to go shopping you'd just give her the money and she's refused means she's being an arse for the sake of it.
I'm sorry this is happening when you've got enough to deal with. But no way should you baby be leaving you for long periods any time soon.

anitagreen · 03/10/2018 08:25

No way that's so weird to even wonder about asking it back Shock

PeakTrans · 03/10/2018 08:26

She sounds awful. You are dealing with so much & her concern is a cot!

I would give her a time to come collect & dismantle it, do not dismantle it for her. But that's just me, I would feel angry now looking at the cot & then have no contact with her.

As for your ex try to keep it calm if possible, for you & the baby's benefit.

Agree with others that even if you two were to resolve things give the baby your surname.

Do you have RL support? Who will your birthing partner be?

cantfindname · 03/10/2018 08:27

I would give it to her - minus a couple of crucial screws! But then, I am evil.

AltheaorDonna · 03/10/2018 08:27

I'd give it back, purely because I wouldn't want to be reminded of the petty bitch every time I looked at my lovely baby in it. I'd be tempted to give it back as kindling though. [gron]

AFistfulofDolores1 · 03/10/2018 08:28

Honestly?

I think she is in the wrong, and has little right to ask for it back - nor to expect it ...

... but I'd give it back.

What you need is peace right now, and standing your ground and fighting this won't bring you much at all. Pick your battles, and know you have the higher moral ground here, OP.

I'm sorry you're going through this Flowers

MemoryOfSleep · 03/10/2018 08:28

Mate, if you can, exclusively breastfeed. Then baby won't be staying at theirs at all until you decide to wean it off milk entirely, which could be at a year if you choose not to do follow on milk and tell them baby won't take a bottle. Then again, I am petty. Grin

BewareOfDragons · 03/10/2018 08:30

I would reply and say she won’t be needing one at her house as the baby won’t be staying there

This.

Get advice re the birth certificate and parental rights, etc, since you're not married and he's walked out on you.

Find someone now you can trust to be with you at the birth.

KathDayKnight50 · 03/10/2018 08:30

Awful behaviour by your ex-partner's mother. Talk about sticking the boot in when someone's down.

That woman should be treading carefully and hopefully you don't become as petty as her regarding seeing the child.

Are you putting him on the birth certificate and stuff like that? Can't advise you there, as I have no personal experience but others here will give you great advice about protecting yourself and child.

I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy Flowers

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/10/2018 08:31

Just text her

"Mary the cot was a gift for the baby and it's staying where it is. I'll be honest I am shocked at your pettiness given the fact that you know I have enough to stress about at the moment but also, despite what you think, the baby will not be staying at your house for the first year so it will be an ornament. I would like a good relationship going forward and for that reason this conversation is over and not up for discussion"

Petty cow

MumW · 03/10/2018 08:32

What if you told your ex that she can have her f*ing cot back but as the baby's father, he will have to provide a suitable replacement.

Allthewaves · 03/10/2018 08:32

Tbh it's not worth the stress fighting over a cot you really don't need any more hassle. I'd buy the same one and have it delivered to their house. Your going to co parent with dp so pick your battles and for me this isn't worth the agro esp if ex left all baby stuff with you and didn't take anything for his house.

BuntyII · 03/10/2018 08:32

Why do people think that only breastfeeding mums want to be near their baby? I couldn't breastfeed and still wouldn't be parted from my baby. What are they going to do, wrench him from your arms because you formula feed Confused anyway give the cot back and save yourself the hassle, she sounds like a knob.

areyoubeingserviced · 03/10/2018 08:33

Tell her to come and get it. She can take it down herself or get someone else to do it
She really is a nasty , interfering cow.

Swipe left for the next trending thread