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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions- is it petty to take back a cot ?!

341 replies

Yelsgirl · 03/10/2018 08:05

So I’m 33 weeks pregnant
Partner walked out on me suddenly at 26 weeks
We had babies nursery all ready it’s gorgeous - ex partners mum bought the cot and she has now asked for it back so it can stay at her house.

What do people think of this ?
I’m shocked as I was under impression it was a gift for her grandchild.
I have offered to give her the money so I don’t have to have the stress of removing that one and getting a new one - but she wants that cot as it was on offer.
Unsure if I think this is ridiculous cause I’m hormonal or because it is ridiculous

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 03/10/2018 08:42

Can you afford a new one op?

NoProbLlama78 · 03/10/2018 08:42

Re giving the baby your last name - legally it makes no difference as a pp said but from a family point of view you are the main carer so baby should have yours.

Babies are initially registered with their mums last name and it often gets changed to their fathers. You are likely to be doing all the checkups and jabs etc. Get a bed side cot to make it easier for you and stock up your freezer. If you manage to bf you won't have to get up in the night boiling kettles and can just sit up in bed. Eat and drink lots.
You can arrange contact time with your ex around naps and tell your midwife what's happened so they can stop ex mil coming in to the ward at the hospital. She is showing the signs of being a nightmare so you need to be in your little bubble with your new baby and ignore her.
Flowers

Blackoutblinds · 03/10/2018 08:42

Last name makes no difference.

Seriously op you need to go and get legal advice.

Start thinking about CMS/CSA or whatever they’re calling themselves these days.

areyoubeingserviced · 03/10/2018 08:42

I had to post again, I really can’t believe that people can be so evil
She is also very stupid imo. You would have thought that she would be trying to ingratiate herself, even if it is only to have access to her grandchild
As I said before, give it back to her. I hope that she has a couple of cans of Mr Sheen as she will need them as the cot will be gathering dust in her home

WTFdidwedo · 03/10/2018 08:43

She sounds like a twat OP!!

@BuntyII noone is saying that but breastfeeding babies can't stay away from their mum generally because many won't take bottles. Mine is 5 months and I've spent about 12 hours in total away from her in that time because she won't feed. Also in terms of courts and custody agreements, breastfeeding is taken in account.

To the PP who questiones giving the baby your surname OP, I would definitely do it. It's nothing to do with making access difficult, it's about making all future travel arrangements, appointments etc. far easier.

WildFlower2018 · 03/10/2018 08:44

It's evil and ridiculous.

I'd be tempted to say if you want it, come take it down and get it. See if she dares show her face.

MemoryOfSleep · 03/10/2018 08:45

@Buntyll I'm not suggesting that bottle feeding mums don't want to be near their babies, but lots of mums on here seem to find it hard to say no when fathers demand time with the baby and breastfeeding gives them a very easy out. The father would have to visit you rather than take the baby anywhere, because if breastfeeding on demand baby might need feeding at any given time, there is no way to predict it. Breastfeeding pretty much stops all visiting for the first six months when you aren't there, not just overnight, as long as you don't express into a bottle.

dinosaurkisses · 03/10/2018 08:45

I’d let her take it back, arranging the dismantling and transport of it back to her house herself. Buy a nice Moses basket and cot of your own choosing for when baby arrives.

I’d then register the baby with my surname and make it clear that overnights won’t be on the cards for 12 months plus.

Let her have the cot. I can’t imagine anything more depressing to look at than a cot sitting empty and unused because of pettiness.

pickleandspud · 03/10/2018 08:46

I would also say, only have contact via text or email, then if things do get nasty you have the proof of what was said.

StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2018 08:46

Excellent point by pp
Change your locks if you haven't already

Rudgie47 · 03/10/2018 08:47

Yes I'd let her come round and collect it, otherwise shes going to be harassing you for it.
I'd then have no further contact with her and block her.
Like the person above her says I'd go to see a solicitor as well. Even if you have to pay, you cant put a price on peace of mind.

MemoryOfSleep · 03/10/2018 08:47

I would think carefully about putting him on the birth certificate if I were you OP. He only gets legal rights once you do so. And I would actively advise against giving the baby his surname.

Juells · 03/10/2018 08:47

As a pp said, I'd give her back the cot, but the baby wouldn't be staying with her. This is real bullying and nastiness just for the sake of it, and she and her shitty son can congratulate each other as they admire the cot in the empty room.

Jesus, I shouldn't read threads like this early in the morning as it gives me such a rage. Anyone who would do this to a pregnant woman - and your ex is colluding - is just vicious. The further away you get from these people the better.

There are fb pages that specialise in passing on or selling used baby things. Get a second-hand one.

babbscrabbs · 03/10/2018 08:48

Cot aside, have you got people to support you? I'm very worried how they might treat you when baby is here and this is the tip of the iceberg. Don't let them force you into anything you're not comfortable and happy with. Xx

TerracottaDream · 03/10/2018 08:49

Do not put this horrible, weak man’s name on the birth certificate! Your baby can decide when it’s older if they want a relationship. Keep all communications with them on file. Get a ‘gatekeeper ‘ such as a strong family member/friend when baby is born so they can’ Bamboozle you in a hormonal state. I would never forgive either of them.Evil!

kiwigeekmum · 03/10/2018 08:49

‘ the baby will be fine to stop out after a few weeks’
No fecking way. Angry Angry

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. Flowers

You would be well within your rights to keep the cot. She is being unbelievably petty and spiteful and showing that she doesn’t actually care about the baby’s wellbeing at all. However because of this I would probably allow her to retrieve the cot because I wouldn’t want anything to do with her any more. I wouldn’t give her anything to hold over you in the future.

And absolutely do not allow any pressure to let them take baby overnight before YOU are ready. Remember, they have demonstrated that they do NOT have baby’s best interests at heart. If they bring it up just ignore, change the subject, tinkly laugh, or whatever gets you through.

PuppyMonkey · 03/10/2018 08:50

Text back: "Sorry, who is this?"

kaytee87 · 03/10/2018 08:50

No the baby will not be fine to 'stop out' after a couple of weeks. My son wasn't away from me overnight until he was 14mo and I only expressed/breastfed for 11/12 weeks ish.

CantankerousCamel · 03/10/2018 08:51

Keep your cot. Just say no.

No further contact about it.

StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2018 08:52

Who will be with you at the birth

Uncreative · 03/10/2018 08:52

Wow! How rude of her. In your shoes, I would say she is welcome to collect it at x time only. Something convenient for you and hopefully not for her. When she arrives, you may wish to point out that a baby should not be separated from its mother while breast feeding. In fact, today I came across a reference on a solicitor’s website that overnights shouldn’t happen until a child is 2+. I would definitely mention that.

Don’t put the father’s name on the birth certificate. Make him work for access if he wants it.

Little and often is what is recommended. Babies should not be separated from the primary caregiver which means that you should be present at access visits. A couple of hours at a time.

silkpyjamasallday · 03/10/2018 08:52

Oh OP, they are both dicks. I'm so sorry for the situation, you've had some good advice. Can you afford to get a new cot? Might be best to just give it back to get them out of your hair for the time being. I would also be wary that this could be the tip of the iceberg, I hope I'm wrong and they are just spectacularly insensitive but best to be prepared. Flowers

Lana1234 · 03/10/2018 08:52

So sorry your being put through this. How disgusting of ex and mil. It’s not just your welfare as well they must know this will add stress to the pregnancy itself so putting baby at risk. I would absolutely follow all the advise previously posted here. Keep a cool head and let her take it. Change door locks and personally I wouldn’t have him on the certificate. Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Wishing you well OP Flowers

Juells · 03/10/2018 08:53

And I'd wait until she came to get it and calmly point out that your baby wouldn't be going there overnight for a very long time, breastfed or not.

It would make the OP feel better, but would also let the ex and MiL ramp up the pressure and cause fights. The OP can't be in a good place at the moment, fights will be difficult for her to deal with. You don't need to tell them anything - I'd just let them take the cot, change the locks, and not put his name on the birth cert. This kind of cheeky fuckery will only get worse once the baby is here, and ex will probably try to weasel his way back in at some stage. Just always remember that he showed you who he is when he dumped a pregnant woman and enabled his mother's bullying.

owabno · 03/10/2018 08:53

Babies are initially registered with their mums last name

Eh? What country do you live in? In the UK you register your baby by the name you wish them to have, be it mothers, fathers or a new name entirely. There is no initial registration under the mother's name here!