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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'M BUSY

195 replies

Blue90 · 02/10/2018 15:35

I know a lot of people hate it when people say “I’m busy” or make a big thing of how booked up they are, but I’m not one of those people. I get so irritated when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with, and then they act like I’m being arsey/high maintenance when I say that I’m busy.

Here’s a recent example:
Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yeah I have I just need to order from Debenhams”
Mum: “How much is delivery? It’s normally really expensive there. Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it”
Me: “No I’m going to order it, much easier, as I don’t have the time this week to go and get it from the store”
Mum:”It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.”

Que lots of other messages (e.g. “other people are far busier than you and they manage”) and comments in person about how busy I am, making a massive drama about the fact that I don’t want to get the bus into town and I’d rather order online. Basically turning something that I consider to be a non issue into an issue.

Does anyone else have conversations like this? When people just don’t get that you really do not have the time to do certain things, and make such a big deal out of it? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I have conversations like this

AIBU to be really annoyed by conversations like this?
What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 02/10/2018 15:41

I'd laugh (a mumsnet tinkly laugh perhaps!) And ask what other activity I drop to enable the collecting of the dress - maybe I'll just leave the kids at school? Not cook dinner? Not do shopping or cleaning or ironing or type up my work minutes that need to be in today!

Also she means she isn't busy, so maybe take her up on her silent offer by saying "oh if you've got time then that would be great thanks, I'll have a size ..." and see how that goes down!!

ladybee28 · 02/10/2018 15:42

I'm from the "You have the same amount of time in the day as Beyonce" school of thought. Statements about how 'busy' you are aren't about time, they're about what you're prioritising.

If you had laundry to do and Grandma suddenly burst into flames in the next room, you wouldn't tell her you were too busy to take her to the hospital – your priorities would change.

So for me, when someone says they're too busy to do something, I read that as: "I have other things I need to focus on that are more important to me."

It's all in that line of your first paragraph: "when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with". Translation: "I don't care about this enough to make time". Which is totally fine, but then say that.

Being up-front about it avoids the conversation about "I can’t believe you’re THAT busy...” etc. etc.

Original poster
Blue90 · 02/10/2018 15:44

Wish I'd thought to have said that ZigZag! Its not like I'm doing trivial things that can wait until later, over a bloody dress!

OP posts:
RangeRider · 02/10/2018 15:46

Translation: "I don't care about this enough to make time"
Technically I think it's more of a 'This isn't as high a priority as all the other things I'm doing first'. Some things I agree you could do if you wanted (by getting off Mumsnet - I waste a lot of time here and yet constantly tell myself that I've too much to do) but there are plenty of tasks that either have to be done or you want to do more than others.

SoupDragon · 02/10/2018 15:46

"You have the same amount of time in the day as Beyonce"

I have less staff though.

SoupDragon · 02/10/2018 15:47

(Fewer staff)

RangeRider · 02/10/2018 15:47

And you may have 2 hours of time free but the problem is that it's not in a block - it's 5 mins here, 10 there, half an hour somewhere else.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/10/2018 15:49

ladybee i think that most people assume when you say you are busy that you mean you have other priorities, what you are talking about is just semantics and op would probably get the same response.
Would bus fare not be as much as delivery anyway?

Original poster
Blue90 · 02/10/2018 15:49

ladybee, I can't just say that I don't care enough to make time though, because it'll warrant the same comments. I just feel like theres no winning Sad

OP posts:
Undies1990 · 02/10/2018 15:49

Maybe it's a generational thing - my mum says the same thing! Also, why would you risk going all that way for a specific item only to find they didn't have it available or not in your size. That's the benefit of ordering online - you get what you want!

Maybe she wanted to come with you? Maybe she fancied a bit of time with you? If that's the case, perhaps she was disappointed and swerved her disappointment to focus on your busyness. Just a thought.

PickAChew · 02/10/2018 15:50

If it's that quick a job to collect it in person and it means so much to her that you do, she could always collect it for you.

Original poster
Blue90 · 02/10/2018 15:50

DontTouchTheMoustache, I've just looked up the ticket cost, and it would be more expensive Hmm

OP posts:
MaderiaCycle · 02/10/2018 15:51

"Life would be easier if I ordered online" - that's all. Not about being busy - but actually "I don't want to spend my time doing X". I don't iron, I shop online for the supermarket, I do all my banking online etc but prioritise cooking fresh food every night, spending time playing with the baby, reading a book and having a bath as it impacts on my quality of life.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 02/10/2018 15:52

Round here a return bus fare would be about the same as a delivery charge anyway. And my time has a value to it. I would rather have 2 hours to faff about on MNget some work done than sit on a bus.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 02/10/2018 15:52

Strikeout fail. Thanks shitty iPhone.

Oysterbabe · 02/10/2018 15:53

I order everything online. Who can be arsed to go foraging for things like a caveman?

AuntBeastie · 02/10/2018 15:54

It's all in that line of your first paragraph: "when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with". Translation: "I don't care about this enough to make time". Which is totally fine, but then say that.

Oh my god, don’t say that. It sounds so much ruder than ‘I’m busy’, and in any case you don’t have to list and justify your priorities to anybody!

AhYeahOkayThen · 02/10/2018 15:54

It's so much easier to order things online though...is your Mum one of those 'hates the modern world' types?

serbska · 02/10/2018 15:54

You're right mum. I just don't want to go into town when I can order it and re-purpose those two hours to binge watching netflix and scratching my arse"

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 02/10/2018 15:54

Just say you don’t want to. I don’t want to get the bus into town. It’s easier. No I don’t care enough to save the £5 delivery fee when the bus is £4.50. Ask her if she’s volunteering to collect it for you - if not, why? Is she too busy or does she just not want to?

I also have the same time as Beyoncé but I also have to work 9-5 to suit my employer not myself, I don’t have the option of a nanny or a cleaner or delivered food, I have deadlines set for me not by me.

So yeah, Beyoncé can come and see if she can be bothered bussing it into town to collect a dress Hmm

toomuchtooold · 02/10/2018 15:54

TBH I never get comments like this because I'm a SAHM of school aged children so the prior assumption (not all that wide of the mark) is that I'm a lazy bastard, but generally if someone's trying to be a helpy helper and sort my life out with I just agree with how great their suggestions are and just do what I was going to anyway.

M3lon · 02/10/2018 15:55

Maybe its a time value thing.

In that case I would be thinking (and probably saying) "two hours of my time is worth more to me than the £X pound delivery".

I realised this about chasing around all the random slips of paper you get with offers on them a sainsbos. I used to feel such guilt...then I realised I could just ignore them on the basis that the saving they represented was basically never worth the amount of time and mental effort I would put in to use them.

hazell42 · 02/10/2018 15:56

I hate it when people spend my time for me. I have taken to never telling my family when I have a day off. I only mention it after the event. Otherwise I get lots if 'can you just' requests. Can you just take me to town, pick up my dry cleaning, go to the shop. If I complain they always say 'it will.only take 10.minutes.' it never takes 10 minutes. Sod em

Original poster
Blue90 · 02/10/2018 15:56

MaderiaCycle I'm exactly the same. I just don't see the point in spending so much extra time/effort just for the sake of saving a couple pounds

OP posts:
KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 15:57

I am guessing I am nowhere near as busy as most Mumsnetters are, but I still get most stuff online including my weekly shop. I may not be all that busy, but I still have better things to do with my time than battle my way through the supermarket once a week!