I'M BUSY

[Blue90]

I know a lot of people hate it when people say “I’m busy” or make a big thing of how booked up they are, but I’m not one of those people. I get so irritated when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with, and then they act like I’m being arsey/high maintenance when I say that I’m busy.

Here’s a recent example:
Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yeah I have I just need to order from Debenhams”
Mum: “How much is delivery? It’s normally really expensive there. Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it”
Me: “No I’m going to order it, much easier, as I don’t have the time this week to go and get it from the store”
Mum:”It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.”

Que lots of other messages (e.g. “other people are far busier than you and they manage”) and comments in person about how busy I am, making a massive drama about the fact that I don’t want to get the bus into town and I’d rather order online. Basically turning something that I consider to be a non issue into an issue.

Does anyone else have conversations like this? When people just don’t get that you really do not have the time to do certain things, and make such a big deal out of it? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I have conversations like this

AIBU to be really annoyed by conversations like this?
What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this?

For me it’s about inclination rather than time. If it where me I could find the time to travel like that to pick it up, but I’m not inclined to when I don’t have to. Plus, where I live, it’s probably cheaper to pay a delivery fee than it is to get a return bus ticket!

Why do you have to tell her anything ?
Stop explaining !

I hate making the effort and time to go into town or to the out of town retail park only to find they don't have my size in stock but "can order it in for you", yeah then I've got to make another trip to pick it up. There's a lot to be said for browsing online in comfort and ordering what you need, also online you have a lot more stock where the shop will have room for a lot fewer items. I have a chronic illness and its a complete waste of my energy to be faffing in and out of shops getting hot and bothered and annoyed!

I always order enough from Debenhams for free delivery or look for a code. You also can return items from your local shop for free...

Just tell her that you'd rather spend time with her than faffing about with buses. Or ask her to go for you, since she has so much spare time!

Beyonce's never going to get on a bus to town and back to choose a dress, she'll have personal shoppers coming to her home or office or wherever she chooses. What nonsense is this about having the same number of hours in the day as a millionairess star? She has many days extra per 24 hours thanks to being able to pay people to do "wife work", "mother work" "cleaning lady work", "driver work" and much other work I can't think of at the moment.
(I may be missing the point.)

Possibly generation thing dFinlaw always goes on about cars to be booked in for service or anything to do with cars and your like yes will get round to it next couple of weeks I'm busy at the mo it's in my list to do , but literally every time you see them it's have you sorted car out yet ? . Why do you care so much ?

Why do you have to tell her anything ?confused
Stop explaining !

I've said this loads of times on here, many of the problems people have seem to come from engaging with other people, explaining one's actions rather than taking a decision and that's the end of it, no discussion. Maybe my hardened attitude comes from being abroad when our children were small, no-one around to proffer their 'opinions' and also not indulging in discussing my life with anyone.

Equally you can do online shopping when the shops are closed, then their opening hours you’re doing other things that can’t be rearranged.

“Sorry I’ll be late to work today, I need to buy a dress”

“Sorry, I didn’t pick you up in time DC, I was buying a dress.”

“Takeaway for dinner because I was buying a dress (which has made the whole thing more expensive)”

“Can’t come to your wedding, I have to buy a dress for another event. Sorry for the short notice”

I know I’m being a bit ridiculous but there are genuinely plenty of weeks that I can’t rearran things so that I could do a couple of hours on a shopping dress. And I’m sure I’m pretty average with busyness.

You need, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Sarah Knight's Ted talk is worth 10 minutes of anyone's time.

"I'd prefer to pay and get it delivered than spend money on bus fair and two hours of time traipsing into town to get it"
"I will put a washload on, pick a 2 hour time slot and sit with a tea and cake reading that book I haven't carved out time for"
"It's my decision, you do as you wish as you clearly would enjoy popping into town more than I would on this occasion."

Next time just ay "Yes I've got a dress." Mum doesn't need to know any more than that.

I just ignore so their issue don't become my issue.

I don't know why Beyonce is the paragon of productivity here... it's not like she has made some enormous contribution to humankind?

But anyway, she didn't get to where she is now by fannying around getting buses to town when there's a perfectly good home delivery service!

I value my time very highly, and spending 2-3 hours of my time to fulfil a task worth £4-5 simply doesn't compute. I would suggest that anyone who thinks that's a good trade has rather poor time management skills.

Ha, I know a Mum who on the school run when passing her I’d say ‘Hello’ (literally that was it, I’m quite an introvert and not a one to make small talk and she knows this) She in return would hold her hand out towards me in a ‘halt’ motion and hurriedly say ‘I’m TOO busy/I have to go to work’ - erm ‘hello’ would have been less words but ok But then she used to have a right chip on her shoulder that I was a sahm and pepper every conversation with unsubtle digs about how busyyy she is and what a lazy cow I am. I ignore her now

Sorry that wasn’t a dig at you OP, yanbu (I have parents like this too 🙄🤦‍♀️) and personally find it cheeky when people try to dictate what you do. I just give my parents ‘The Look’ and they shut up (reluctantly)

I can't believe that some people are cheeky enough to ask someone what they're doing when told that they are busy.

It's nobody else's business!

People assume that I've got lots of time on my hands because I don't work but don't know that I look after my elderly dgm who has late stage dementia and also volunteer and have a chronic illness.
I'm fine with what I do but feel no need to justify my every move to people to accommodate them.

I think I just don't like people much

This has almost literally happened to me today!! Slightly different context though. I’m moving house on Saturday, same day as my nephews birthday. We are moving to a totally new area. On top of that my DS is due to go to secondary school next September so have been backwards and forwards for visits to secondary schools in new location etc... I also have a toddler at home!! Husband is working away loads or very long hours to support the move so all of the school stuff and house packing has been practically left to me... on top of work and kids!! My mum mentioned about nephews birthday and how she had a card I could use! “Great! Keep it for me please and I’ll stick some money in it for him!” Saw her today - I forgot to get cash out the bank 😔😔. She threw the card at me “Sort it out yourself!” I know I was a bit forgetful but my god!! I’ve come to the conclusion it’s a generation thing?! Otherwise I just can’t explain it! I asked if she could lend me some cash to put in it and I’d transfer the money straight over but no! It was as though she wanted me to have to go to the cashpoint to take out money. I don’t owe her any money or anything so I know it’s nothing like that - it’s as though she thinks I have nothing better to do and I was just ‘lazy’ for forgetting or just couldn’t be arsed to do it! Reality is - I just forgot because I was trying to organise a 2 year old and get to a secondary school tour that was nearly two hours away before 9.30am while I can’t find a bloody thing in my house coz it’s all packed in boxes!!!! Aaaagggghhhhhhhh!

Usually SAHMs are in the fortunate position of don't have to work / still on another mat leave / ill health etc etc. I've been both a working mum and now a SAHM through the fact childcare cost more than I'd earn then later health issues still under investigation. I feel so looked down upon by so many working mums up at school rushing around like I'm a lazy shite doing nothing all day. far from the truth. It really upsets me that the working mums race up in their posh cars and kick their kids out unaccompanied whilst all perfectly groomed themselves. Like I said. I've been both and when working I never did this so I now actually think maybe they're jealous of us SAHM s? Jealous we are frowned upon and don't earn our crust or what??

If you had laundry to do and Grandma suddenly burst into flames in the next room, you wouldn't tell her you were too busy to take her to the hospital – your priorities would change.
^^^ this
Don't you believe it.
One of my sons had extremely brittle and unpredictable asthma. He would be rushed to hospital, unconscious, many many times. We lived 200 miles from my parents and coped on our own most of the time. Then we moved back to my parents' city, hoping for some support. First time, mother was too busy going to a birthday party to come and support me. Next, and last time I asked for support, my boy was in a critical state, deeply unconscious and blue...I called from the ambulance sobbing and telling her that he was dying...they turned up an hour later, her with immaculate makeup and hair done, while i was in my pyjamas - it was 5 am, after all. Presumably they had come to view the body. I didn't notify them again until he was safely home from later episodes.

Most people are busy. Personally I don’t think I’d want to catch a bus to town just to buy a dress even if I wasn’t busy. I hate clothes shopping and have far better things to do with my time. If I need something I usually amazon prime it and it’s next day delivery. I’m a housewife, stay at home mother and studying for my degree from home to ensure I can get a decent job when my kids are older and when my husband is no longer as capable of the high stress demanding job he does now and has to reduce his hours and this income I can pick up the slack. So if there is a time when I’m not busy then I’d like to actually spend it relaxing or doing something I enjoy like having lunch with a friend not catching a bus (I hate buses they’re loud and usually smell of sweat no so bad for a 5-10 minute trip but 40?!) to look for try on and buy a dress when I can just order one. Also debenhams does free delivery when you spend over £50 which many of their dresses are.

Going off topic a bit but I constantly have conversations with my ds that are non issues, that he is always turning into issues and gets really pissed off with me by the end. I look to my dh for support and he always cops out with "you two wind each other up " I never start these conversations btw and my ds always starts them in argument mode.

Retired people have a very different concept of 'busy' to those of us with a job, home and kids. dm was busy this week with watercolour class, volunteering and having the gardeners in, doesn't like to come for dinner because my house is 'terribly untidy' and worries that I work too hard. ffs.

(Fewer staff)

Thank you, Soupdragon: you saved me from having to be a grammar twat, and point it out...😀

The cost of the bus fare would probably be more than the cost of delivery. And, if purchases come to a certain amount eg £50 generally free. 40 mins each way in a bus, no way. Does DD perhaps have an hidden motive urging you to go into the stores?