I'M BUSY

[Blue90]

I know a lot of people hate it when people say “I’m busy” or make a big thing of how booked up they are, but I’m not one of those people. I get so irritated when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with, and then they act like I’m being arsey/high maintenance when I say that I’m busy.

Here’s a recent example:
Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yeah I have I just need to order from Debenhams”
Mum: “How much is delivery? It’s normally really expensive there. Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it”
Me: “No I’m going to order it, much easier, as I don’t have the time this week to go and get it from the store”
Mum:”It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.”

Que lots of other messages (e.g. “other people are far busier than you and they manage”) and comments in person about how busy I am, making a massive drama about the fact that I don’t want to get the bus into town and I’d rather order online. Basically turning something that I consider to be a non issue into an issue.

Does anyone else have conversations like this? When people just don’t get that you really do not have the time to do certain things, and make such a big deal out of it? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I have conversations like this

AIBU to be really annoyed by conversations like this?
What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this?

Sometimes I wish someone would do a documentary series on ‘A Day in the Life of...’.

Show the well-meaning older relatives just how much baby/child rearing has changed in the last 50 years.

Show what the pace/expectations of a modern office day looks like.

Show politicians how all the little expenses in a normal family week (not treats) are creating financial stress, in a high inflation environment.

When my mum (73) says she’s had a Busy Day, she means she went to the supermarket and the dog groomers.

When I have a Busy Day, I’ve likely fitted more than she did all day into every hour from 7am to 7pm. She’d need me to record my day on a GoPro for her to believe my Busy.

Another gripe is that sooo many people think I’m ‘relaxing’ with my iPad. Really? Do you hear any funny cat videos playing? No. I’m simaltaneously researching which supermarket has cheaper prices this week, finding diy costume ideas for freakin kids book week, trying to find a plumber for the leaky loo, filling in a report for work and booking a gp appointment for DH’s skin cancer check. Very relaxing.

I’ll inevitably get some comment about much time I’m ‘wasting’ on screens, and how I need to lift my face to the sun, or get some fresh air, or reconnect with people. Really? Walking to 3 supermarkets would make more sense, would it? And what about the 5 other things I need to get done in that time? Grrrr

If your mom is retired, 'busy' probably means something different to her than it does to you.

My parents used to tell me how 'busy ' they were, as active retirees. They had one appointment each day - but to them this was a full week.

you saved me from having to be a grammar twat

You could easily have saved yourself.

I think "I prefer to order on line thanks " should do it.

Saying I'm busy probably give a pushy people an "in" to try to organise your life for you. On the assumption you might want to do it if you had time!

Today I left the house at 7.30 dropped my son off at Breakfast Club and went to work. Left work at 16.30 picked my son up from childminders at 17.30, got home at 17.45 cooked everyone dinner, loaded dishwasher, emptied the bins, hung out the wasjing and was back out for work at 18.45 and just on my way home at 22.45. I'd love to know what certain previous posters would suggest I proritise in order to grab a few more hours in the day to go shopping. Granted my husband could help and often does, but when I'm dashing out of the house like that, I like to have it nice.

This is one of those threads I’m probably far to invested in. I’m incensed by 2 points, the idea that Beyoncé has the same number of ideas in the day and the suggestion that people who claim to be busy have poor time management.

Out of interest does anyone think busy men have poor time management?

Now Beyoncé may have the same supply of time as everyone else on the planet, but she has fewer demands on it because other people do her admin, housework, childcare and shopping. I also strongly suspect this argument is used against women who dare to go out in public without makeup and with their hair in a ponytail because, you know, they were up with a baby all night and have just had to wrestle a recalcitrant toddler into the car to get to school on time. What you read about Saint Beyoncé is mostly fictional guff you dunderheads.

And about those priorities that busy people - again meaning women for the most part - get wrong. People have different priorities. It’s like the money argument, poor people have to spend a greater proportion of their income on housing and food so have less money for leisure. Time poor people have a lot of their allotted hours already accounted for, whether it’s working, caring or other stuff. If they tell you they are too busy to attend your coffee morning, have their nails done or collect something in person that could be delivered - believe them.

And as for getting annoyed with people who don’t text back quickly enough for you - just maybe you aren’t the centre of their universe.

Out of interest does anyone think busy men have poor time management?

Yes, why shouldn't it? We've a plumber in at the moment - he's always "busy" and is constantly running/driving around like a lunatic. But it's all down to a complete lack of planning. He hadn't been here an hour before he realised he'd run out of something and had to go to the plumbers merchants which meant he "lost" an hour. After he first came to quote, he brought the written quote to hand deliver it a few days later because he forget to take a note of our address so couldn't post it. He spends most of his days taking phone calls from other customers who are chasing him up for things he's not done - listening to him, it's just one apology after another. He just needs to get a grip and organise himself properly. Thing is, he's a brilliant plumber, very trustworthy, we've used him for years, but every single day is just fire-fighting things that he's not properly planned. He's so stressed, he'll not make it to 50 without a heart attack or stroke. So, no, it's not a male/female thing at all - both are quite capable of wasting time due to lack of planning & organisation.

pacer142 but what about examples like Skywest?

This!! All of this!!!!

but what about examples like Skywest?

Of course, some people really do have a lot to do, but I was replying specifically to someone who was trying to make it into a feminism thing which it isn't! Some people of both sexes really are doing a lot are are genuinely busy. My point is that some people of both sexes are only "busy" through their own lack of planning/organisation.

Pacer do you not think it is Women who are more likely to be criticised though - as in the OP?

Whereas men IME who say they are busy are on the whole less likely to be disbelieved and challenged.

do you not think it is Women who are more likely to be criticised though

Not in my experience, no.

My mum always is hyper critical of everything I do. One time I just said, "mum advice is only appreciated if it's asked for" worked for all of about 10 mins..

My mum was great. I used to react to criticism and she once said to me to listen is not to accept. I would always rect, argue my case, justify my actions. Now I just smile and do what I was going to do anyway.No arguments or stress. I quite enjoy the realisation on MIL's face sometimes because she takes my smile as me being in agreement, then she realises I'm not doing what she wants after all!!

YANBU.

Just say you are busy/don't have time and offer no explanation.

I have OCD so things take longer, so what some people perceive as quick jobs/errands can take me twice as long.

In this day in age it makes sense to take advantage of online shopping. If it suits you then it's no one else's business. Don't feel the need to explain yourself.

Totally get where you’re coming from OP. I work full time hours and have a toddler. My mum was a SAHM. She just doesn’t seem to understand why I’m too busy to have a sparkling house, and call her as often as she would like, or go to umpteen different shops to get the shopping at the cheapest price. She tells me my DSIL house is immaculate; but she only works part time and has her family close by to watch her DD while my DSIL cleans!! (My family are a couple of hours away)

My mum can't believe how busy I am and doesn't know how I fit it all in. By which I mean she knows exactly how much I do, not that she doesn't actually believe I am busy.

I work mornings but sometimes have to work all day until 6.30pm. I'm frequently told by the afternoon people the next morning "it was busy yesterday" . I've yet to experience one of these busy afternoons but I did work in a bank and that was busy. I expect my busy is different to their busy. I think I now have a walk in the park.

My Mum will happily spend an hour or two driving around delivering letters by hand to save the price of some stamps - she just doesn’t see it as wasting money, even though it’s both time and petrol.
I think that generation were brought up to scrimp and save every last penny, and the value of time simply wasn’t A Thing then.

It’s the same with tumble dryer v line drying - she’ll spend ages over several days hanging the same load of washing on the line, bringing it in if rain is threatened, hanging it out again, bringing it in to hang on the airer as it still isn’t dry. She isn’t badly off and could easily afford to run the tumble dryer. She thinks I’m incredibly profligate for only putting washing outside to dry if I’m sure it will get dry that day, otherwise straight on the dryer.