I'M BUSY

[Blue90]

I know a lot of people hate it when people say “I’m busy” or make a big thing of how booked up they are, but I’m not one of those people. I get so irritated when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with, and then they act like I’m being arsey/high maintenance when I say that I’m busy.

Here’s a recent example:
Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yeah I have I just need to order from Debenhams”
Mum: “How much is delivery? It’s normally really expensive there. Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it”
Me: “No I’m going to order it, much easier, as I don’t have the time this week to go and get it from the store”
Mum:”It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.”

Que lots of other messages (e.g. “other people are far busier than you and they manage”) and comments in person about how busy I am, making a massive drama about the fact that I don’t want to get the bus into town and I’d rather order online. Basically turning something that I consider to be a non issue into an issue.

Does anyone else have conversations like this? When people just don’t get that you really do not have the time to do certain things, and make such a big deal out of it? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I have conversations like this

AIBU to be really annoyed by conversations like this?
What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this?

That Beyoncé quote is some inane meme bullshit.

I think people who are past the stage of full time work and young kids have very little recollection of what it's like to not have two hours to spare to do one specific task.

I’m busy too! 😊

All my shopping is done online and I contract out jobs I don’t have time to complete. This way I enjoy my weekends with my family, rather than doing chores. A lot of women of a certain generation can be a bit martyr-ish and it’s just no longer necessary in the Internet age!

For anyone thats wondering, I've asked, and no it was not an offer for her to collect it for me

Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it

Because I dont want to!

Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yes. Got it already. Thanks for asking.” (say this even if you haven't got it - done and dusted).
Mum: “Where did you get it from? What's it like?”
Me: “Need to go Mum, you'll see it on the day. Must go. That's the doorbell. Byee!”

YANBU

I agree that it’s about priorities. You are prioritising other ways to spend your time, and choosing to pay for delivery rather than spend time physically going to the shop. That’s entirely your choice and isn’t affecting anyone else (you’re not asking your mum to pick it up, you’re not moaning about the cost of delivery, you’re not using her money).

You’re not creating drama about how busy you are, she is!

I work in a call centre and had a call recently from someone who kept on telling me how busy she was (she chose to call at that time about a nonessential thing!) and how she didn’t have time. The call took three times longer than it needed to because she couldn’t stop telling me how busy she was! And she was too busy to listen to what I was saying so she kept asking things I’d already told her.

Yes re: the beyonce quote nonsense, perhaps if i was as naturally talented and beautiful as beyonce I'd be living her life but I'm plain, on the wrong side of 30, chubby and i can't sing

I bet if you count the cost of a bus trip again the cost of delivery then it really wouldn't be that much more expensive anyway! Plus add in your time cost and you really just may as well have paid for shipping. That's how I would have thought about it anyway.

Of course we're not all Beyonce – it's the sentiment behind it that's the point. We all have the same amount of time, and we all have different priorities.

DontTouchTheMoustache I actually don't think people do hear it the same way. That's why you end up having a conversation about hours and being busy, and comments like "It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.", instead of "That's fine, Mum –I'm happy to pay the extra 50p for delivery to focus on the kids instead."

As @DianaPrincessOfThemyscira said: "Just say you don’t want to. I don’t want to get the bus into town. It’s easier." Or "I don't see the point of trying to save 50p." Or "No thanks, I choose not to."

However you want to articulate it, if the 'busy' conversation does your nut in, stop having it and have a different one.

No and in fact I would rather pay more for an item sometimes than take the time to go to a shop. Like order pjs for the kids rather than taking two hours to go, shop, and come back from the nearest Primark. It might be more expensive, but part of the reason I don't have time to do these things is that I'm busy at work and have other priorities at home.

People trying to save £2 and causing a massive amount of effort. I try to listen politely but I feel like saying I really have no interest. If you value your time so cheaply, that’s your issue but I have better things to be doing. I have friends who are aghast that I shop at a mainstream supermarket and get online deliver. I really cannot be arsed dragging toddlers (or myself!) round a supermarket.

"2 hours! Oh, you are funny! I'd love to be a lady of leisure like you if you've got 2 hours spare to pick up a dress! Wow, imagine all the chocolates I could eat if I had 2 hours to just sit around with my feet up!"

....or in other words "you've been out-manoeuvred in the "womaning virtue Olympics", now its your turn to feel defensive and list all the jobs you have in the day and then we never have to have this conversation again"

With people like this I don't say the busy word
I know sometimes they spring it on you though.

I'd say something about busses not being free and cheaper to pay delivery. She didn't know how much it cost, because she asked.

I’m not that busy. I still get all my shopping delivered online. Because I don’t want to go shopping!

I know I’m missing the point of the thread but I’m pretty sure that you have more protection if you need to return goods when buying them online.

I would try not to get into any explanations or give your reasoning. When she starts saying, ‘isn’t that expensive’ just say assertively but calmly, ‘don’t worry mum, this is what I’ve decided to do and I’m happy with that.’ And change the subject. She’s just got into the habit of thinking she knows better than you and she’s got the right to tell you how you should be doing things. If you regularly politely but firmly make it clear you intend to do it your way, there’s really not much she can do about that.

Some people like shopping. actually in a shop.
My sister and her husband are two such people. They go shopping and don't buy anything at least twice a week.
You weren't shopping, YOU WENT OUT FOR A COFFEE.

I get very busy then at other times have lots of spare time. It's just how it goes some weeks.

When I say 'it's busy this week' it means I'm busy and I don't want to fit anything else in. If too many things are lined up then I start making mistakes and any delay carries on. It gets too stressful.

It's not boasting about a busy life - just trying to arrange less important, time non dependent things during slow weeks.

I've been questioned a few times and given 'handy tips' to free up my time so I can facilitate whatever someone else wants me to do instead - it's very annoying.

I think the answer is to be as equally rude back.

Sometimes it doesn't even save any money. Most people don't live within walking distance of all the shops they might ever need to buy anything from. So there's public transport or petrol and possibly parking to pay for.

The call took three times longer than it needed to because she couldn’t stop telling me how busy she was!

Oh, THIS!! Why do people do that?! When people spend so much time telling you (in tedious detail) all of the things they'd tell you if only they had the time, but they don't have enough time, so they can't. Apparently, you DO have all of this time to waste spare for them to indulge themselves in their pointless, protracted explanation. But YOU specifically chose to collar ME as I was merrily walking on by!! Grrrrr!!!!!!!

I think it's often people who don't realise that other people aren't them. As PPs have said, you sometimes have to spell it out to some people and make it absolutely clear that you've already made the decision as to what works best for you and you really aren't looking for them to convince you or help you to find a way in which you could do it their way when you've already decided to do it your way.

You say: "I don't have time for that."
They choose to hear: "I'm struggling to find time and I'm anxious as I don't know how long it might take to do it your way, which is so obviously the best way - please help me to understand what kind of time-frame I'd be looking at."
You have to spell it out to them: "I fully understood and considered my options and actively decided to prioritise my time by doing it this way."

You say: "I can't afford that."
They choose to hear: "I desperately want to buy it, but I somehow don't understand that the same money can't be spent twice - please analyse my current spending priorities and arbitrarily point to something that I choose to spend my money on which isn't technically essential and which YOU personally wouldn't prioritise."
You have to spell it out to them: "When it comes to non-essential bills and outgoings, I set my financial priorities according to what I believe to bring the greatest cost/benefit, so I've actively decided not to include this potential spending in my personal budget."

If people don't or won't accept your boundaries, you have to assume they're stupid and/or arrogant and explain to them in simple unequivocal terms using sock puppets to demonstrate if necessary that you're an autonomous adult and YOU make decisions as to how YOU prefer to live YOUR life.

presumably the bus fare would equal the postage - and you get a few hours of your life back....?

It's all about your tone of voice OP, just say 'Nah I like shopping online, it's less faff' and don't be apologetic or try and justify yourself.

By the time I'd driven into town and parked the car, the delivery charge would probably cost less than petrol and parking anyway.

Also, Beyonce wouldn't need to worry about getting into town to get the dress. She'd send a member of staff to get it for her. That's why she has MORE time than me.

I ordered something online the other day that cost £3.50 postage, and that's actually cheaper than the bus or train into the city centre and back would be!

Snap..same here. Hubby and friends can't believe I'd rather pay delivery for clothes and the food shop. Who wants to waste 2/3 hours and petrol/parking money, when it can come to my house!