I'M BUSY

[Blue90]

I know a lot of people hate it when people say “I’m busy” or make a big thing of how booked up they are, but I’m not one of those people. I get so irritated when people ask me to do something that I don’t have the time be faffing with, and then they act like I’m being arsey/high maintenance when I say that I’m busy.

Here’s a recent example:
Mum: “Have you found a dress for X event yet?”
Me: “Yeah I have I just need to order from Debenhams”
Mum: “How much is delivery? It’s normally really expensive there. Why don’t you get the bus (40 min each way) into town to buy it”
Me: “No I’m going to order it, much easier, as I don’t have the time this week to go and get it from the store”
Mum:”It’ll only take a few hours, I can’t believe you’re THAT busy that you don’t have 2 hours spare.”

Que lots of other messages (e.g. “other people are far busier than you and they manage”) and comments in person about how busy I am, making a massive drama about the fact that I don’t want to get the bus into town and I’d rather order online. Basically turning something that I consider to be a non issue into an issue.

Does anyone else have conversations like this? When people just don’t get that you really do not have the time to do certain things, and make such a big deal out of it? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I have conversations like this

AIBU to be really annoyed by conversations like this?
What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this?

I don't have two hours spare when shops are open, because I'm at work. As I imagine most people are. Order online!

I order everything online. Who can be arsed to go foraging for things like a caveman?
:o great line

Ultimately I think it comes down to other people trying to solve your problems for you. You may not have asked their advice (you might just be making small talk) but they're going to give it anyway.

This happens to me a lot - drives me mad.

I agree with @ladybee28

Im guessing a dress worth talking about from debenhams would probably get over the free delivery threshhold!
I love shopping but i have to admit as online delivery gets easier and easier and no disappointments whether they have my size or indeed it in stock online shopping wins for me more and more nowadays

2 hours + cost of bus versus delivery charge is never going to work in favour of the bus journey.

Ditto with online supermarket IMO - £3 delivery (usually) vs 25 mins each way in car and an hour shopping.

My DPs are like this but it's because they hate anything modern so insist on doing everything the slowest way possible. And then they make out that it's some kind of moral choice. Neither of them work fulltime though so I guess it's up to them if they want to spend their time doing boring things. 2 hrs sounds a lot to me; that's a lot of nap time

I would turn this around next time

Have you got dress for X event - says looking around shops...

Reply "have you really got so much spare time on your hands, isn't there something you could be better spending your time doing. Isn't it more expensive once you factor in bus fares etc......."

:-D

Of course we're not all Beyonce – it's the sentiment behind it that's the point.

But it makes no sense.

We all have the same amount of time, and we all have different priorities.

Whilst everyone has the same number of hours in a day, some have people to do stuff for them. Priorities don’t come into it.

This thread has made me realise that I use the phrases: “Can’t be arsed with...” and “I’ve got better things to do with my time than...” way too often😀

Delivery is say £6, it takes two hours, so your time is worth £3 per hour.

I don't even work and my time is more valuable than that, without taking into account petrol and parking costs!

It makes sense to get it delivered.

Ultimately I think it comes down to other people trying to solve your problems for you.

Actually I think it's a list of priorities - so your mum has 'your outfit' at the tops of her list and she'll be worrying - will not arrive in time will it look ok will that have your size and until she hears you have it all in order she can't tick it off her list so it stays a worry

There's no other reason for her to badger you about it

No I never have conversations like that- sorry.

My mum does a thing where she says, well, you had time / to do / buy X (thing I chose to do / buy), so surely you can also do / pay for Y (thing SHE wants me to do / buy / buy for her). I have concluded that she doesn't seem to consider that time and money can only be spent once, and that I like to decide what to do with mine.

I think you shjoe stop being so negative about the Beyonce meme. I’m sure she has the same struggles as the day of us. It must be very difficult for her working, looking after the children, cleaning, ironing, going to the supermarket for food. It’s not as if she’s surrounded by people who can sort most of those things for her. 😒

Of course we're not all Beyonce – it's the sentiment behind it that's the point.

I still don't get it. Beyonce has someone who will cook for her, clean for her, shop for her, do her bloody hair for her, tell her what to damned well wear! watch the kids for her. I'm certain 99% of us non billionaires have to make time for all of these things all by ourselves, I can't not prioritise food shopping, then cooking or I won't eat - there's a few hours gained by Beyonce weekly which the rest of us don't have.

It's nothing to do with being busy or not.Your mum is overbearing I have a family member like this. It is best not to get drawninto a conversation about it What does itmatter to her anyway

Is she always this critical of you? It sounds like she just enjoys picking a fight with you. Can ou bring this up with her? She needs to know you are an adult now and can run your own life.

Your priorities are none of your mum's business in the first place, so I wouldn't even bother justifying them. Personally I always find that the more I give reasons for my actions, the more other people (mainly my DH, grr) try to pick holes in my reasoning, whether or not my actions affect them.

Also, I think part of this is a generational thing; going by how my parents and MIL are, I don't think they always quite get how sometimes it's worth trading off a little more money to buy a little more time. Especially women, as I think women of the previous generation were conditioned to save money wherever possible by doing things themselves.

If my mum said that to me, I'd just say no, I don't want to, I'm ordering online thanks, that way suits me better. It wouldn't wind me up, that's just complicating things that don't need complicating.

It sounds like you might just need to be more honest and direct.

What do you do when you’re in a conversation like this
dont even get into it, dont feed people with information that they can use to make pronouncements about what you ought and ought not to do.
Take control, close the subject and open another one like the weather

I love StormTreader's response. Turn the guilt trip back on her and make her feel bad for NOT being busy. And if she's not going to go and buy it herself... well, why not, if it's so little trouble and it's sufficiently 'her business' for her to be telling you how to do it?!

Also that Beyonce line is one big pile of shite. I don't see Beyonce getting on the bus to Debenhams. Beyonce has staff to do that (and the laundry, cooking, cleaning, admin, childcare, etc etc). If I had her staff and her money and her health, then yes, I'd have just as many hours in the day as her. Otherwise not. Duh.

I bet Beyoncé gets the bus to Debenhams all the time and we're just going on the wrong ones.

Argghhh that Beyonce meme.

Yes, I may have the same 24 hours in a day - but a greater proportion of my time is allocated to working, childcare and running a home. Which I manage to do without staff.

Hmmm, yes, maybe the OP should just ask Beyonce to pick up the dress and drop it round to her? Job done.