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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the age gap is a bit odd

247 replies

NameC123 · 27/09/2018 23:38

A male friend of mine (29) has started dating a 17 year old, he's being perfectly respectful toward her but AIBU to think the age gap makes it a weird.

He has children and she still lives with her parents.

I haven't said anything as it's frankly none of my business because she's legal but was wondering what others think and whether I'm BU and a bit judgemental?

OP posts:
Disquieted1 · 27/09/2018 23:40

Most of the responses will no doubt be liberal. But not mine.
Wtf is a 29 year old man with kids doing with a 17 yo girl?

Nondescriptname · 27/09/2018 23:44

It is odd but you can't do anything about it.

tootstastic · 27/09/2018 23:46

YANBU...Creepy, she's not yet an adult.

Original poster
NameC123 · 27/09/2018 23:50

It just doesn't sit right with me. We've known one another since primary school and his relationships have always been with people a similar age to himself. His eldest daughter is almost 10, there's a smaller gap between the daughter and the girlfriend than there is him and her.

OP posts:
Agustarella · 27/09/2018 23:52

It's not a very big gap, it just seems that way because she's so young. YANBU, but maybe it will work out for them.

ferrier · 27/09/2018 23:52

Seems fine to me. 29 isn't really that old.

moofolk · 27/09/2018 23:53

YANBU it's weird. Tell him so if you haven't already. She's a girl, he's a man. I don't care how 'mature' she is.

I work with kids that age.

They. Are. Kids.

IhatetheArchers · 27/09/2018 23:56

It fails the half your age plus 7 test.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/09/2018 23:57

12yrs age gap isn’t so awful but when the girl is 17 it’s difficult to get past the ‘dirty old man’ thing.
17yo is still (to me) very very young. A bloke who’s nearly 30 must surely have very different interests.
Not much you can do about it but if it was my dd I’d certainly have some misgivings

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/09/2018 23:59

Sorry, when I said I’d have ‘some misgivings ‘ I meant to say I’d ‘have his nuts’
Sorry for any confusion

Dollymixture22 · 27/09/2018 23:59

I wouldn’t be too happy if she was my daughter. I would think she is too young for the complex relationships in this mans life. But without knowing the individuals involved it’s hard to judge

Original poster
NameC123 · 28/09/2018 00:00

He seems to think they have loads in common, what he means by loads is the fact they both enjoy outdoor activities.

Its not as though she's particularly mature for her age either.

When I look at her I see her as a little girl (which I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate!)

OP posts:
Tillytrotter123 · 28/09/2018 00:03

Yanbu. I don’t think 12 years is too big a gap however at 17 she is still a child.

jackio2205 · 28/09/2018 00:05

Its not the number of years between them, its the life stages at their current ages. She's still at school (and barely legal....), he's been and done that and got kids?
I wouldn't be able to help myself, I'd have to say something, even if it was a little tease, but I would find that soooo creepy odd!
X

Sparklesocks · 28/09/2018 00:06

I have no idea what a 17 year old and a 29 year old would talk about. It would make me raise an eyebrow, he’s nearly in his 30s and she can’t even vote or go to the pub yet.

Thighofrelief · 28/09/2018 00:08

At 17 I would have loved to go out with a 29 year old. But what would i have had to talk about or offer? A Level subjects? I did go out with a 21 year old at that age and I would say our maturity levels were the same. Is your friend particularly stupid or childish?

Original poster
NameC123 · 28/09/2018 00:10

He's into long country walks and hiking and apparently so is she, I can't help but wonder whether she's pretending to have those shared hobbies just to impress him. I'm yet to meet a 17yo who genuinely loves those things!

OP posts:
bsbabas · 28/09/2018 00:10

Gross why can't he find some one his own age to sleep with him?

Original poster
NameC123 · 28/09/2018 00:11

He's an intelligent man but a tad immature If I'm honest

OP posts:
jackio2205 · 28/09/2018 00:13

@NameC123
He's into long country walks and hiking and apparently so is she, I can't help but wonder whether she's pretending to have those shared hobbies just to impress him. I'm yet to meet a 17yo who genuinely loves those things!

P.E doesn't count though Wink

Sorry, I couldn't resist!

Thighofrelief · 28/09/2018 00:14

They'll probably get married and when she is 30 and he's 42 she'll realise he's really immature!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 28/09/2018 00:19

When I was (just)18 my boyfriend was 31. I wasn't being exploited, he treated me well and he was a cracking shag. Now I'm older I do find it strange that he was soo keen (wanted to marry me) on someone so young and with so little life experience. He was a decent bloke, but maybe a bit immature in some ways and certainly badly affected by finding out that he couldn't have children.

He's the only ex I've ever properly stayed friends with and I was gutted when we lost contact for a while. I heard he got an a ward for gallantry in Afghanistan and I was glad to hear that this meant he was still alive (since there was a pic of him getting the award). I'm not sure if there is a point to this rambling post, except that I wouldn't assume that there is anything sinister going on. The relationship may be unwise, and probably won't last, but that's true of many relationships.

mymickeyisbetterthanyours · 28/09/2018 00:19

Keep your neb out and stop looking for outrage where there is none?

TheSheepofWallSt · 28/09/2018 00:20

That was the age gap between me and my first boyfriend.

That relationship was not “right” in many many ways- and I can barely think of him
now without my stomach turning. I was a child.

ExDP (DS father) was 50 when I was 28. That though, doesn’t feel weird at all, and was a perfectly normal relationship in which age was absolutely not a factor in our lives either together, or our decision to separate.

It’s not the gap that’s the issue- it’s her age. She’s a child.

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 28/09/2018 00:22

Why are you being so scathing about her, saying she's faking hobbies to impress him, looks like a little girl, she's not mature, they don't really have anything in common etc?

Are you jealous? Are you in some way romantically connected to this man? The mother of his kids perhaps? They're both adults and it sounds like they get on well and enjoy the same things.

Yes you are being judgmental and unfair and if you keep it up you won't keep your friend.

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