To think the age gap is a bit odd

[NameC123]

A male friend of mine (29) has started dating a 17 year old, he's being perfectly respectful toward her but AIBU to think the age gap makes it a weird.

He has children and she still lives with her parents.

I haven't said anything as it's frankly none of my business because she's legal but was wondering what others think and whether I'm BU and a bit judgemental?

"half your age gap plus 7" isn't a rule but an opinion and a silly one. My 33-year marriage says different.

I have an 18 yo dd. I wouldn’t be happy if she had a 30yo bf. And she’s 18. Legally adult. Ugh. It’s grim.

Sorry, when I said I’d have ‘some misgivings ‘ I meant to say I’d ‘have his nuts’
Sorry for any confusion

Aintnothing

Woah hold up, I'm not looking for outrage or being purposely scathing towards the girl

For what its worth she seems like a lovely girl, but a child!

I have no romantic connection to him, we are life long friends and he's also friends with my DP.

Our children play together.

No spite or malice here, only an opinion I've kept to myself other than here where I can voice it anonymously and not upset either party

He has kids?
He's fine with a 17yr old stepmother, potentially for them.
No, he's weird and creepy.

@BitOutOfPractice I don't get why 18 and 30 is grim? It's not 18 and 80

They're at very different life stages, it's not like a 59 yr old and a 47 yr old getting together. DD1 age 20 has gone out with a couple of guys slightly older than her but it's the wrong time. 26 yr old off travelling, her at uni, no chance to be together.
17 yr old needs to be working on her A levels not tending to the needs of an older man and his children. YANBU

@NameC123 So you're just looking for strangers to back you up on this strange state of affairs.

'Our children play together' so what?!

No, it wouldn't sit right with me either. Nothing much you can do about it, though

My sister at 17 was going out with a 32yr old. I thought it was odd. She was pretty immature and I just couldn't see what a grown up man would have in common with a schoolgirl. And if I was the same age as him I'd think the guy was s but if a creep.

Illiberal? Maybe. But at that age the gap is way more telling than at most other stages of life. The brain doesn't fully develop till the 20s.

Also- same age gap as Princess Diana and Charles -

Our children play together' so what?!

The OP was asked if she had romantic feelings for this man. She was making clear she doesn’t see him like that. Seems simple enough to me.

12 years is not that big a gap - its because she's 17 that your finding it odd - its really not. There is a 13 year gap between me and my husband - it really isn't strange.

For what its worth she seems like a lovely girl, but a child!

She's not a child, she's an adult. You sound silly and quite mean.

17 isn't an adult though

I'd be judging too I'm afraid. I'd think there is something a bit lacking in him to want to be with someone so young.

Bit weird really.

Oh come on Wannabe! Op is not being “silly and quite mean” (how old are you btw?)
She is 17yo ffs. She IS a child legally and anyway op was merely saying she ‘seems’ like a child.
Op is clearly concerned about the relationship and I think she should be,tho, as said before,not a lot to be done about it.
I don’t care how lovely, caring and respectful this 29yo father is, I would be having serious talks with him if he was going out with my dd

Sorry, I’ve done it again.
When I say “serious talks”
I actually mean “nail his bollocks to the wall”
Silly me

It's not about the age gap, it's the power imbalance resulting from one person having dealt with big life events (uni, moving out of home, renting/having a mortgage, getting a "proper" job, getting married, being a parent etc) when the other hasn't.

I'd question the motives of a man who chose to peruse a relationship with someone so much younger when his partner was under 18.

That's creepy. It would make me doubt his decision making abilities and self awareness. 12 years apart at that age, something's not right with the guy.

It’s odd. He is likely to want very different things at this stage of his life than she will.
I knew a couple like this. Worse, he was her teacher originally. Having said that they eventually married and still are so I guess you can never tell.

Of course it's weird as fuck. Amidst all the woke cool responses, try to pick out the ones that say that adult near 30 year old men don't form personal and sexual relationships with teenagers unless they are fucked up.

At 17 I had a 29 year old boyfriend. In hindsight I suspect part of my attraction for him was my inexperience, virginity and gratitude that a good looking man with a car and a proper job would fancy me, but then he was an abusive arse. It is hard to say whether another 29 year old who wasn't abusive would have made a good partner for 17 year old me. DH is 22 years older than me and we don't have any imbalanced dynamic, but he is lovely (and I'm a lot older than 17).

I was seeing a 30 year old at 18. At the time I thought it was brilliant, looking back it really wasn't -it was wrong, creepy, and definitely had an imbalance of power. I can see why these relationships happen though - teenage girl charmed by older man, older man gets to shag a gorgeous teenager. It seems win-win at the time, but it's not.