AIBU - DP and shaving legs

[LegHair]

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

Can’t be arsed shaving my legs once in to autumn / winter. DH doesn’t mind either way.

Tell your DP you’ll shave your legs when he shaves his.

Hmm would it bother you if he didn't shave his face? Although I guess many women do prefer a beard. Or something else that you prefer him to do to himself but which isn't really essential and doesnt affect anyone (can't think of a good example at the mo )?

Your dh is being unreasonable and sexist. I rarely remove my leg hair (and never my pubic hair) and it doesn't bother dp in the slightest.

Tell him you really want to wax his legs for him

He IBU. No matter what my DH says I never feel sexy with hair legs out, but that's about me. He sometimes comments about how nice and smooth my legs are, so I can assume he likes them when they're done, but he'd never ever tell me to do them!

I tell him that’s fine; he can shave them for me if he cares while I lie in the bath and drink gin/snooze. Shaving is boring.

I really hate a stubbly face and complain about it if DP has any stubble so I wouldn’t mind if he complained about my stubbly bits (though he never does). I wouldn’t force him to shave for me but he does mostly do it because I like it. I do things mostly because he likes it, too. Nothing I hate or wouldn’t do at all for myself, but I’ll make an effort for him. For example, I like lipstick and wear it often to work, but he likes to see me in it, so I’ll put on a coat before I get home sometimes. Takes seconds and he always says how nice it looks. Wouldn’t sulk if I didn’t, though, which maybe is a factor.

There's nothing unfeminine or in any way lazy/wrong/slovenly about having unshaven legs (or any other body part). If you prefer yourself in a more natural state, that's great.

With that said, I personally do make the time to shave, and I do do it for the benefit of my partner. I think it can feel nice to make an effort to do something a partner likes (if and when you have the time), as long as the thing you're making an effort to do is something you don't fundamentally have an issue with

Sorry, not helpful, but I don't think you're BU. Does he 'make an effort' for you?

I hate having hairy legs. I make sure I am fuzz free whatever the season regardless, I view it as a basic like showering or brushing my teeth.
Some people don’t find it very appealing and I don’t think it’s so shocking for your dp to express a preference

Mixed feelings about that I don't know how I'd feel if my husband commented if I didn't shave. However, I've always shaved mine every day in the morning when I shower or have a bath, sometimes twice a day if I bathe before going out in the evening. I like being smooth. Seeing hairy legs on women makes me feel a bit yeuch.

Perhaps your partner thinks you are letting yourself go a bit. I'm sure you'd soon tell him if he didn't look, feel or smell right.

I remove body hair because I prefer it gone, but that's my choice. I don't think DH would be bothered one way or another. He couldn't say a whole lot anyway as he's pretty hairy himself.

I tend to only shave my legs etc when they start to annoy me, do doesn't seem to care. However he goes weeks withought shaving and it infuriates me, he looks scruffy and dirty and it really irritates my face. He in no way is attempting to grow a beard just too lazy to shave.

Seeing hairy legs on women makes me feel a bit yeuch

Why? And why doesn’t male leg hair have the same effect?

I don’t shave. I don’t like shaving, find it time consuming and i have no particular like or dislike for body hair. Dh can take me as he finds. I have always been like this though, so i assume if shaving was a deal breaker he would never have married me :)

I had a whole thread about this a while ago which ended up in the mail.

I'm like you op, I don't like being told off for not doing it, although I take on board his preference and therefore will do it if I particularly want to make an effort for him. But I don't see why it should be a default expectation. And I don't tell him that I'd find him more attractive five if he lost weight and for in shape, although it's true.

He can start then, because now that you've told him he knows you like it and you should make the effort for each other.

He can express a preference, but to start a row about telling you what to do with your own body is the very definition of being unreasonable.

I shave everyday. Although my husband doesn’t expect it of me I like to make a little bit of effort in my appearance for him. Just keeping tidy is nice for your partner.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

Yes, you do. But he also has the right not to like hairy legs. even if it IS a load of sexist crap

If I don't like beards on men and my husband grows one, does he have an automatic right to feel "sexy and loved no matter what he chooses to do with his body" even if he knows it is a massive turn off for me?

I hope he at least makes quite the effort for you, OP.

It's not that different to wearing sexy lingerie. In your dh's eyes it's all part of the sexy feminine allure!

What effort does he make?

Your partner IBU.

Pretty sure he didn't get with you because you had shiny, hairless legs. Like that's never top of any man's list I've ever met... ever...

I'm imagining this argument playing out in a comedic sort of way because it just seems to mad to argue about it. Like something out of Fawlty Towers.

I, on the other hand, like to shave my legs at least once every three or four days because if I didn't I would look like a Silverback gorilla. I have VERY dark hair... just a couple of shades lighter than black. Plus it itches 😂

My DH genuinely doesn't care how much hair I have anywhere. And would never make me shave it.

But.

I know he prefers it shaved so I like to do that for him if I think we might be having sex that night.

But if I didn't do it he wouldn't comment or not want sex.

Sad truth though. He has a beard/tach and loves it. But I do bug him to keep I shorter, and he does, even though he likes it longer.

So I'm much worse than him about hair maintenance. It's just that kissing isn't nice for me when he has a proper tash.

Tell him to treat you less like an object, more like a person.
That would make my blood boil.

It's fine for you to not shave your legs.

It's also fine for your partner to not find you sexy when you don't.

As a woman I couldn’t have hairy legs it’s vile. My DH wouldn’t be bothered either way but I would be.
As a woman I wouldn’t feel sexy with hairy legs therefore I have been fully lasered so no more hair! Why not do that if you can’t be bothered?

As a woman I couldn’t have hairy legs it’s vile.

What a coherent, well-thought out argument. Did it take you long?