AIBU - DP and shaving legs

[LegHair]

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

My dh refuses to shave his goatee and I loathe it and fancy him a lot less.

YANBU OP.
Your DP can express an opinion on your choice over whatever you do with your leg hair, but it's unreasonable to almost demand you remove it.
What equivalent effort is DP putting in?

Seeing hairy legs on women makes me feel a bit yeuch.

Oh do shut up. That is ridiculous. It's because I'm still fucking self-conscious of people like you that I even shave my legs in summer! Otherwise they'd stay blissfully hairy all year round. Women shaving their legs was a complete con invented by razor companies.

OP, YABU to hate shaving, but your partner has a right to express a preference. I ask my partner to shave his downstairs because I prefer it, and I do the same. Just for like....practical reasons.

*It's fine for you to not shave your legs.

It's also fine for your partner to not find you sexy when you don't.*

This is it - in a nutshell. Your body, your choice what you do with it. But "I want him to find something sexy which he's said he doesn't" isn't helpful. He doesn't like hairy legs. Up to you what you do with that information....but he's not unreasonable to feel that way.

Women post on here all the time to say they've stopped fancying their partner because they've physically changed, and usually get a lot of support. Advice usually centres on 'tell him how you feel', so think OP's dp has done the right thing raising it.

"I just don't think it's so awful to have a preference for your partners appearance- especially if that's how it was when you met"

Really? Lots of lols I used to be ten stone heavier. (i was 19 stone on my wedding day. My highest weight was 21,

So if DH said to me You dont look the same as you did when i married you Id really liked it if you put that weight back on , would you seriously suggest that i comply.

I don't think you should have to 'make an effort' with your appearance for a long term partner who loves you. If you are first dating someone you might only see them once a week so it's no big deal to spend some extra time on grooming. If you live with someone then great - get dressed up sometimes but you shouldn't have to permanently be presented how they find pleasing above what is comfortable for you.

I think I used to shave about 4 times a year. The first time I slept with dp I deffo had some stubble.

I am now completety hair free on my legs but that is only because I have discovered the epilator. I fucking love the feeling! I know its weird but I really enjoy it.

I dont think dp has even noticed 🤷‍♀️

Go outside or to a club and see how many women have hairy legs.

CripsSandwich hit it on the head for me:

I think it would be fine for him to say "I love it when you shave your legs, do you mind doing it every so often for me". It's not fine for him to get the hump that you haven't shaved.

It's all about how this was framed. It reads like you're enemies and he's trying to defeat you with a mean criticism, instead of partners who want to make each other happy and appear attractive to one another. Of course you aren't obliged to shave your legs. But if he had said "I love it when you do" it's hardly a massive chore. You're in the shower/bath anyway.

Go outside or to a club and see how many women have hairy legs

Why? Why should that matter to the OP?

How would you feel if he never cleaned his ears, or left sleep in his eyes from the morning would you find him sexy regardless off the way he looks!

Dont be so fucking stupid wtf the equivilant of him doing that would be woman doing the same thing

Wash every day, brush your teeth (preferably twice a day at least), have regular haircuts, keep your nails clean (manicure if you like) keep your hair clean, don’t fart loudly unnecessarily, belch quietly if in company, never leave a whitehead ‘hangin’, use deodorant, remove all unpleasant body hair and if you have a skiddy DO NOT leave your underwear crotch up on the bedroom floor.
These are just basics.
Anything further you wish to do is entirely up to you but anyone who doesn’t follow the above is an animal

anyone who doesn’t follow the above is an animal

Can I just check - men too, right?

What is 'unpleasant' body hair?

Ps a cotton bud to remove wax is advisable (but do be careful)
Pps I’d like to highlight the bit about removing body hair.
It’s not pleasant or ‘sexy’, nobody likes hairy legs, pits or a big unkempt lady garden.
Get over it! By all means be a big ‘feminist ‘ who won’t be dictated to about her body and choices. Your choice!
But know this, very few people, men or women , enjoy an unruly, badly maintained garden

Unpleasant body hair is anything that you or your partner don’t find appealing. It’s obviously very subjective

Yes of course men too!

I'm off to bed. That's quite enough MN wisdom for one day.

I've not read the full thread, but am a bit baffled as to why shaving legs, face etc takes so much time. I shave my legs about once a week, they look fine but may feel a bit stubbly by the end, I do it because I like to feel (what I perceive as) feminine. My husband has a trim of his stubble about once a week, I hate beards, he doesn't like them but always has stubble. It takes 5 minutes max. I think using the 'I've got no time' is an excuse. If you want hairy legs don't pretend it's because you've not got time. Just admit you like hairy legs.

It takes about 30 seconds per leg to shave in the shower - what else would you be doing with that 30 seconds . You're quite entitled to say you've got better things to do, but it's such a small investment of time, for such a nice look and feel.

Fuck off Buster i dont shave because it makes my skin sore and i cant afford a leg wax Check your privilege

I will bet a penny to a pinch of shit that if a Universal Credit claimant posted on here that she had spent money on a wax or shaving implements and left herself short loads of the misogynists on this thread would be jumping all over her thread asking why she was spending her UC on a LUXURY.

Yet on this thread its talked about as a NECESSITY . But the goalposts would move soon enough like i have described above.

Because..............misogyny.

Helena you're a real charmer! 😘

'Unpleasant body hair'
'Vile'
'Unhygenic'
'Lazy women'

Seriously have i slipped back in time ?

All humans unless they have a medical condition have hair growing all over thier body. Some places darker or more obvious than.others. its natural its not vile ffs!

If a person choses to.remove it thats thier choice its nothing to do with anyine else. Its thier body nobody else has a right to tell them what they should do with it, that they have to spend time making it look.different for someone else.

If all the posters who seem terrified of body hair had partners who have just decided they like body hair would they stop shaving? I doubt it so why on earth should women have to shave just because we have been conditioned to believe we are better 'women' without hair?
It makes no sense really, hair doesnt make us unfeminine nor less sexy if we feel sexy with hair. Millions of women all over the world manage to have relationships and feel.loved without shaving thier body hair. Hair removal isnt a new thing its been going on for thousands of years. Mainly as a cultural sign of wealth, status or for a bride to be presented to.her husband as 'pure' etc etc.

I would have thought be now that women did not still buy into this crap. We are not some sub species who have to keep proving how worthy we are by removing body hair so we arent 'offensive' to others especially men.
Hair is hair. I dont see many women.rushing to the hairdressers to have thier heads shaved so they are 'hygenic', 'clean and tidy', 'look sexy', 'not lazy, slovenly tramps'. (If you want to shave your head fine but that's another choice not requirement.)
I shave my legs when i can be bothered to suit myself. Not for anyone else. I dont expect any other woman to shave in case her body hair offends me. What the hell has it got to do with anyone else.
And if people are confusing not removing natural body hair as having some kind of longterm medical effects on healtth same as not cleaning your teeth then they need a refresher in biology.

It's a bit six of one, half a dozen of the other.

If we're going to pretend most people don't generally prefer smooth hair free legs, then ok, but it's just how it is. Irrespective of the odd one or two who prefer it au natural.

Should it matter, being all pc and that, no. Does it make a difference, in the real world, yes. And I don't think DH is being unreasonable for communicating his preference. Doesn't mean you have to act on it.

We're you (please don't take offence, can't think how else to phrase) better groomed in the past, so he's commenting on the fact that he thinks you don't want to make an effort anymore, and just picked your body hair as an example?

Of course, you don't have to be well groomed for anyone, but it's not a big ask, and if it would make DP happy, it's such a small thing to do, if you're not majorly fussed either way, why not?

If my DP had said something like this to me, I'd be perfectly OK with spending an extra 2 mins in the shower to make my partner happy. It's not a big sacrifice really. The once you're in a long relationship, he should love you regardless, is a bit of a mute point. He's just asking for a tiny thing that would be virtually zero effort for you, but he'd appreciate. Why that has to be something to complain about is beyond me.