Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DP and shaving legs

380 replies

LegHair · 27/09/2018 21:26

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 27/09/2018 21:58

When we first got together my DH explicitly told me that I didn't have to 'bother with that stuff you know'. He does prefer freshly shaved legs but he'd never expect me to shave daily to suit his preference. I regularly go months without shaving. He had never once said anything on the topic beyond telling me that I didn't have to do it for him.

loveskaka · 27/09/2018 21:58

I don't think he's being unreasonable, it's his opinion if he prefers smooth legs to hairy, which he is fully entitled too. I am sure you would be bothered if he didn't shave/shower/ brush teeth. X

Havaina · 27/09/2018 21:59

“because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

What effort does he make for you? Hmm

Don't shave your legs and get in grown hairs for this twat.

Poppyinagreenfield · 27/09/2018 21:59

He’s an immature twat. You need to be happy and content within yourself and he should be complementing that aim in your life.

Men have hair and women have hair it was probably meant to keep us warmer in times gone by and focus our attention likewise.

Tell him you don’t like his bum hair. That should keep him busy for a bit.

PrincessTwilightStoleMyToddler · 27/09/2018 21:59

I would be pissed off with that tbh.

I haven’t shaved my legs in about a year (cba when pregnant with DC2, really cba now with a baby and a toddler - happier spending time with them! And DH quite clearly loves me anyway and either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care. He has also made it clear he loves me and finds me attractive despite my ruined belly (large babies, c sections) and the fact I haven’t lost much of the baby weight. DH has grown a beard since DC2 arrived for the same lack of time/would rather be with the kids reasons. His choice and fine by me.

Your partner is being a bit of a knob.

Havaina · 27/09/2018 22:00

As a woman I couldn’t have hairy legs it’s vile.

Your attitude to femininity is what's vile here.

Greggers2017 · 27/09/2018 22:01

Did you shave your legs when you met him?
If he doesn't find it attractive you can't make him and he doesn't have yo make you feel sexy if he doesn't find it sexy 🙄

Greggers2017 · 27/09/2018 22:02

It takes minutes to shave your legs, saying you
Don't have time is pure laziness

PoxAlert · 27/09/2018 22:03

As a woman I couldn’t have hairy legs it’s vile

I felt the same when I was 13.

Now I'm a grown up I realise there's no difference between male and female hair.....

In winter I actually start to quite like my little fluffy armpits. Plus they hold deodorant better and smell nicer.

I disappoint myself that once it gets back to warm weather I'm not confident enough not to shave.

Racecardriver · 27/09/2018 22:03

@ivegotasecretcanyoukeepit if she can't be bothered to shave then what makes you think she'd bother going to all the lazering appointments? (not to mention spending a ridiculous amount on something that she doesn't matter). Not everybody had a weird leg hair hang up.

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2018 22:03

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship

Oh right, so it's all about you. His personal preferences don't count. What he finds attractive is irrelevant. If he finds hairy legs a turn off then fuck him, he needs to make you feel sexy and loved.

Yeah good luck with that op. And I'm guessing you do the same with him, if he becomes obese, doesn't wash, grows a zz top beard, you will make him feel sexy and loved. Because having a cheesy bellend is what he chooses to do with his body,

NoMudNoLotus · 27/09/2018 22:04

He doesn't have to like your hairy legs.

I dont like my DH having a hairy face.

Racecardriver · 27/09/2018 22:05

@Poxalert just go for it. Nobody cares.

tinkerbellla · 27/09/2018 22:06

I shave all of my bits. It makes me feel more groomed and cleaner somehow. My husband would never tell me to though.

happymummy12345 · 27/09/2018 22:07

If you don't want to then he ibu. It's your choice if you do or not.
Personally I can't stand not to shave. I shave legs, arms, under arms and down below daily.
I hate my dh not shaving as well, so I'd be a hypocrite not to. The point is I do it for me first and foremost.

SevernWye · 27/09/2018 22:07

You don’t have to shave anything for anyone but you shave your legs when on holiday when they are on show on to the general Public.

crispysausagerolls · 27/09/2018 22:09

What bluntness said

reallyanotherone · 27/09/2018 22:09

Having body hair is NOT the same as not brushing teeth/washing etc.

Body hair is not unhygienic.

I like mine. I am not too lazy, or slovenly, or unfeminine. I have body hair. So what. So does everyone else, no matter how hard they try not to.

Bacere · 27/09/2018 22:10

Thinking that hair on your legs, armpits etc needs to be shaved is silly. Some people shave it just like some people shave their heads or facial hair. We are humans we come with varying degrees of hair and no one needs to shave it off if they don't want to. For heavens sake we are constantly told to accept people for who they are then we get shave you leg/armpit hair cause you're female next we'll be told shave it or cover it and when you get older cover your head cause your hair is too thin and you are developing facial hair!

TheBigFatMermaid · 27/09/2018 22:13

Mine get shaved rarely, so I am with you.

AnoukSpirit · 27/09/2018 22:13

Seeing hairy legs on women makes me feel a bit yeuch.

I found myself having that reaction once. I was struggling to keep my expression neutral. And then I suddenly thought to myself, "hang on, why am I reacting like this when I've never once so much as batted an eyelash at much hairier men's legs? Why am I shocked at hairy legs just because they belong to a woman?"

At which point I realised my reaction was wrong - it was entirely down to being raised in a culture where we're told our whole lives that women should be hairless and anything else is gross, despite being simultaneously untroubled by men retaining and displaying hair in the same places that are supposedly gross on a woman.

I no longer feel that way about it, because it's irrational and illogical and I recognise it's the product of social conditioning not anything factual.

If you're taught that people will be disgusted by you, and reject you, if you have hairy legs, then of course you'll internalise that to the point where you too become convinced it is disgusting.

Doesn't mean it actually is though! Unless somebody has some science I'm unaware of to explain why leg hair on a woman is disgusting but leg hair on a man is not. ("I just think it's disgusting" does not count.)

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/09/2018 22:15

I have very hairy arms but I wouldn't shave or wax them.

The rest of me is defuzzed when I can be arsed. If DP doesn't like that, tough shit.

Monday55 · 27/09/2018 22:15

You don't have to shave your legs for him. But he also doesn't have to worship your legs as he doesn't like hairy legs.

It's a preference thing.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/09/2018 22:18

Where is OP? I hope she wasn't texting from the bath, mid argument with DH.

GetOnYerBike · 27/09/2018 22:20

I look it at like this, if this were a date with him and you knew tonight was probably the first time you had sex would you have shaved your legs?

Would you have continued to shave your legs for the first few months of sleeping together? If so then why have you changed that? Has he also changed his attitude to his appearance from when you starting having sex?

I don't know, I know this boils down to personal preference, I would have said that I hated beards, but Dh grew one due to illness and I discovered I liked it. My FIL grew one due to surgery on his neck, my MIL hated it. He loved it but when he could shave it he did.

Swipe left for the next trending thread