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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DP and shaving legs

380 replies

LegHair · 27/09/2018 21:26

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

OP posts:
BeautifulPossibilities · 27/09/2018 22:21

Your legs your choice.
I don't bother most of the time, my skin gets really sore and DH has hairy legs so why shouldn't I?

papayya · 27/09/2018 22:22

Sorry OP but I agree with your DP, I think it's nice to make an effort for each other.

FermatsTheorem · 27/09/2018 22:22

Any man who expressed anything other than sincere gratitude and delight at the idea that I wanted him around in my life to shag or not shag as the mood took us, hairy legs and foof included in the deal, would not be a man I wanted in my life. But then I'm just old and arsey and done with men who nit-pick over unimportant bits of a women's body (like whether they have hairy legs or not - mine are positively luxuriant at the moment).

CripsSandwiches · 27/09/2018 22:24

I think it would be fine for him to say "I love it when you shave your legs, do you mind doing it every so often for me". It's not fine for him to get the hump that you haven't shaved.

I guess different people have different standards for what constitutes basic grooming. We all expect our partners to be clean and hygienic (showered, hair washed, teeth brushed etc). Most of us also expect a basic level of grooming - hair cut every so often so you're not too dishevelled looking. Wearing appropriate clothes when you go out etc. I think some people include leg shaving for women among the latter.

Personally I always shave because it takes 2 minutes but I wouldn't appreciate anyone demanding it of me.

HelenaDove · 27/09/2018 22:24

"Seeing hairy legs on women makes me feel a bit yeuch"

Hope all GPs dont feel this way as it will be yet another job women have to do before going to see the doctor.

SerenDippitty · 27/09/2018 22:26

I haven’t shaved my legs for a while because I’ve had stiff, painful knees for weeks (still trying to get to the bottom of the cause) so I just don’t feel like it. I’ve also had a groin abscess which has gone dressed every day, so I hope the practice nurse is not too repulsed by my unshaven legs. DH couldn’t care less.

SerenDippitty · 27/09/2018 22:27

re-dressed, not gone dressed.

HelenaDove · 27/09/2018 22:28

"As a woman I wouldn’t feel sexy with hairy legs therefore I have been fully lasered so no more hair! Why not do that if you can’t be bothered"

Not everyone can afford this . Check your privilege. And if the OPS DH wants her to then HE should pay for it.

MediocrePenguin · 27/09/2018 22:29

It's totally cool if you don't have any opinions/preferences on his physical appearance and don't mind if he fancies you or not.

Like it or not being attracted to someone is part of a relationship and it goes both ways.

sophisticatedsarcasm · 27/09/2018 22:30

DP obviously prefers my legs shaved but he’s never pressured me about it... luckily for him I shave them once a week as I wear shorts for work. 😊

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 27/09/2018 22:33

Ha! The man who occasionally shares my bed once caught me on the hop*. Prior to that he'd only ever seen me beautifully groomed and hairless. In the afterglow I muttered 'you could have bloody warned me, I'd have shaved'. He just laughed & said he loved every bit of me, right down to the stubble.

But yeah, I do still shave if I know I'm going to be seeing him. Outside of that I can't be arsed. It's not so much about me looking good, it's that running your hands up stubble isn't enjoyable. He always apologises if he hasn't shaved his face because he's been too busy.

*actually on a pogostick, tbh. He appeared at my front door with no notice.

Gersemi · 27/09/2018 22:34

I hate having hairy legs. I make sure I am fuzz free whatever the season regardless, I view it as a basic like showering or brushing my teeth.

But it isn't, though, is it? You need to shower because otherwise you'll smell, you need to brush your teeth because otherwise your breath will smell and your teeth will rot. You don't need to shave, because there are no adverse consequences that will arise from failing to do so.

GloomyMonday · 27/09/2018 22:38

Why didn't you choose a guy who thinks hairy legs are sexy then? Yours doesn't.

whoatemytwix · 27/09/2018 22:40

What a load of codswollop. If this were a same sex relationship would it be acceptable for one partner to tell the other the things they prefer and to request a little effort? 🤯

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 27/09/2018 22:41

People saying they'd rather spend time with their kids making out like those of us who shave neglect them or something 😂 I do mine when I have my bath or shower and it maybe takes 2 mins extra!

I don't know what my boyfriends preference is as mine are always smooth because that's what I like. He's never known me any other way. I also don't see anything wrong with making an effort for each other. My boyfriend makes an effort for me to look good/smell good/trims his facial hair and he also removes hair down below to be fair!

Doghorsechicken · 27/09/2018 22:45

Lol @Bluntness I agree! It’s ok saying ‘he should accept you exactly how you are, don’t change for that chauvinistic pig’. But don’t people want to look nice for their partner? He’s not exactly forcing you to clean the house in 6 inch heels or plaster your face with make up. It’s hardly an unreasonable request! & people saying they’d rather spend the time with their kids. I hardly think my son is neglected because I shave my legs everyday Grin

HelenaDove · 27/09/2018 22:45

SernDippity i would hope that there isnt that kind of misogyny in the NHS Sadly i remember posts from a few years ago that show that there is.

Another good reason not to bother with my smear. Am not sexually active but this is just another layer which proves how a nonexistant sex life is easier.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 27/09/2018 22:45

I don't often let my legs get past the stubbly stage as I don't personally like it regardless of what I'm wearing. It just makes me feel better about myself keeping them smooth etc but that's my prerogative. DH has never said anything negative to me when I haven't shaved and I honestly believe he doesn't care and fancies me regardless.

HelenaDove · 27/09/2018 22:46

2 mins??? Try being part Italian with the thick dark hair to go with it.

chestylarue52 · 27/09/2018 22:50

I would just ask posters to deconstruct what they mean by ‘looking nice for your partner’.

I have hair on my legs, it grows there. I don’t think I ‘look nicer’ without it.

What a meaningless statement.

HelenaDove · 27/09/2018 22:50

Bluntness was equating not shaving with being dirty.

Hair is not dirty just because its on an adult human female.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/09/2018 22:50

I don't care what any other woman does with her hair. It has little to zero impact on me.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved
Sexiness starts within.Wink Do you feel unloved OP?

starzig · 27/09/2018 22:50

Saying unshaved legs is yucky or unhygienic is ridiculous. If I skip a shower the first place I notice is the hair on my head but you don't see masses of women walk about with shaved heads.

chestylarue52 · 27/09/2018 22:53

Equating non shaved legs to unbrushed teeth or a cheesy bellend is just complete illogical nonsense.

Whipsmart · 27/09/2018 22:57

I agree with Bluntness. If you shave and m holiday and if you're going up be wearing skirts, you're basically saying you'll make the effort for other people, but not him.

How would you feel if he always had a beard or something else you didn't like, and he refused to shave it for you, but he would do it if he was going to a party or something where he was going to see other people he wanted to impress? I'm guessing you'd feel quite un-valued.