To leave my 8 yo home alone?

[hibbledibble]

I've looked up legislation and guidance on this, but there is surprisingly little.

She is sensible, our home has wired fire alarms throughout, and has recently been signed off by building regs. We know lots of neighbours.

Would it be unreasonable for her to be home alone for short periods eg 20 minutes? She is keen.

Mine are six and seven I occasionally leave them for 5-10 minutes to take recycling out, nip to the corner shop they know they are only allowed to read or watch telly if I nip out. They are responsible, wouldn't open the door. I think it's pretty much the same as leaving with DH without telling him I'm popping out or if I'm gardening. Also our house is big often I don't see them for an hour or so anyway if we are in different rooms or on different floors. However, I wouldn't want them going out on their own, although I'm sure they'd be ok, cars zoom down our road.

When you leave children alone do you lock the door? I would hope that you also leave them a key so they could get out in an emergency?!

"As many have pointed out, in other Western cultures it is the norm to allow children far more freedom. What is it specifically about the UK that means that children should be entitled to less freedom?

This is something me and my husband have wondered. Neither of us are originally from the UK and have never come across such overly anxious parenting and babied children in any other country we’ve been in."

I am actually from UK and I too, like pp, can not comprehend how the British parents, as this thread shows, are the least allowing of freedom and independence. And of overly anxious parenting.

It staggers me. I cant understand the logic of it.

Obviously I wouldn't leave my 4yo alone because she is unpredictable. But by a certain age you obviously need to trust their increased reliability - otherwise you wouldn't let them out of your sight until 18! So trusting a nt 8yo not to open the door is a fair thing to do (and the consequences of ignoring it are low risk too, as someone pointed out).

I leave my 8 year old while I take the others to a club - gone 15 minutes. The only mistake you can make is to talk about this - as, as you see other people have strong opinions. Same with cry it out or baby led weaning. Just don't tell other people what you are doing and make you own assessment. I am confident my 8 year old is fine watching TV alone in the house. She knows to call 999 in an emergency and has my mobile number to hand. She's happy and feels grown up and I think this small demonstration of trust is good for her. There's no other opinions that matter.

Actually, I admit, the REAL REASON I do this, is out of laziness, or just because I don't see it as an issue. NOT really to encourage my children's independence. But for my own convenience.

My 2 ds's are so UN-anxious, that they seem to not need me that much. And have always been that way. My friend insists [wink} that this is just their personality and the fact that I have always only ever worked part time, that they have always 'had me around' and thus never needed me.

Well, I liked her suggestion!!

I potter around. Go out gardening, wash the car, pop to the garage, nipp to the shops. When I get back, neither of them have moved an inch and often not even noticed that I've even gone. even though I always tell them that I'm going.

Sometimes I wonder if I died, they might not notice for a week, or until there wasn't any shreddies left, or spaghetti and meatballs wasn't produced and they didn't have anyone to drive them to football practice twice a week, they might finally look up and go :

"where's mum"?

I think I saw a week last Tuesday .......

I left my DC at home for very short periods when they were eight. So long enough for me to nip out for a pint of milk. I did it to help with their independence, and have gradually increased the times. It has worked well for us, but only you know your child.

If I'm frank, I don't think it's the time factor here, so much as the distance. I was only ever five minutes walk away, not 1.5 miles. And we know all our neighbours (small, friendly town).

I was left alone at 11, I tried to make a boiled egg in the microwave - when that did work and I’d made an explosive mess, I tried to make cheese and toast in the toaster. Which blew the electrics.

Wasn’t allowed in the house by myself again

If she's happy it's fine. 😆

Of course it helps their independence being left alone!

It bolsters their inner confidence, and gives them a feeling of maturity. Being happy in your own company, and knowing how to keep yourself safe, is a life skill in itself. Otherwise you'd pack an 18 year old off to uni who was too scared to be alone in their flat.

Depends on the child. I left my very sensible daughter for around 20 minutes at that age. I wouldn't be able to trust my 9 year old son though. Totally different children.

I personally wouldn’t and even if I wanted to my 9 year old DS wouldn’t be keen
I leave him with his sister (13) for short periods
A good friend of mine is high up in child protection and she says that although there is no specified age if the child is deemed to be too young even if nothing happens there might be an investigation from up to age 6 or so. After that SS wouldn’t be interested unless something happened, in which case a parent CAN be prosecuted for negligence in theory up until age 16

My DS was fine to be left for 20 minutes at age eight - he was sensible, capable and very mature for his age (and didn't want to get dragged out at 8pm to pick up his brother!)

I think it depends on the child - my elder DS wasn't nearly ready to be alone at that age so it was another couple of years before he experienced any independent time!

You know your DS best, OP.

To those questioning how I helps with Dependence...
It helps because the message you're giving us that you trust them to do this, that you're confident they can do it. This undoubtedly gives them confidence. Imagine the conversation between two 9 year olds in the playground...
'My mum trusts me to stay at home on my own now, does yours?'
'No'
It isn't hard to fathom which child comes out feeling better about themselves in that conversation.

The risk is tiny, absolutely tiny, (assuming you've done the checks and are confident they can follow instructions). The risk of a mollycoddled child unable to cope in the work place as their parent is constantly making all their decisions for them is far higher.

20 minutes totally fine. 2 hours -- maybe not the first time

I nip to the shop and leave my 8 year old ds at home alone. I'm gone 10mins. I lock the front door but leave back door unlocked just in case he needed to get out. We have good neighbors

I leave my 8yo but not the 6yo. It's only so I'm not dragging everyone out when dropping at an activity or running to the local shop and he seems happy with it (or I wouldn't leave him!). Probably max 20-30 mins and only if I'm very local so I can be back in no time if any problems.

I'm confident that he knows how to use the phone to ring 999 or me, and he also has DH's number in case I've been gone a while and he's worried.

I'd say I'm more relaxed about this than my local friends with similar-age DC. Maybe it helps that DC1 and DC2 are very sensible and mature? I liked a PP's description of her littlest as being able to start a conflagration in a swimming pool - that's my DC3 and he may have to wait a while longer before I trust him alone!!

At 8 I was going to the local shop, playing out for hours, walking to and from school. This is why Gen X are considered so much more independent and resourceful than Millennials (not a judgment, purely based on what I've read as characterisations of the generations). Kids DO need to learn independence

I wouldn't. I think my 8 year old would be horrified if I said I was leaving her alone for 20 minutes. What if you had an accident while you were out, or delayed for some reason - at what point does she start to panic?

No.of course she's keen!why on earth would you put it to her?to gain a favourable response to make you feel better?
She is too young.

Well you have to risk assess the situation and run through those possibilities /address them. So if I did have an accident when I was out then my daughter has a list of reliable people to ring if I am not back in good time. She also has the neighbors both sides to go to.

Gen X are considered so much more independent and resourceful than Millennials

I think this is true.

@HowsAnnie25
If I didn't come back, she wouldn't panic. Being 8, she could tell the time. I would have left instructions with her to go to our neighbour, who would be in as I would have checked, if it had got to x time and I wasn't back.
No need for the drama.

And @HowsAnnie25 if I had an accident whilst I was out, I'd be thanking my lucky stars that I'd left her at home, rather than being with me in the accident.

Hi @arethereanyleftatall my comment is to the OP who is asking for people's opinions. That is what I would do and what I think. I am aware other people treat their children differently.