To leave my 8 yo home alone?

[hibbledibble]

I've looked up legislation and guidance on this, but there is surprisingly little.

She is sensible, our home has wired fire alarms throughout, and has recently been signed off by building regs. We know lots of neighbours.

Would it be unreasonable for her to be home alone for short periods eg 20 minutes? She is keen.

My 8 year old ds is very sensible, plays out and pops to the local shop alone but would not want to be left in the house alone.
I think he sees it as a very big responsibility that he isn't comfortable with (we've discussed it when he's not really wanted to come to the supermarket )
He would worry what would happen if someone tried to get in/ if a plug mysteriously fought fire and such other improbable occurrences.
At 8 there's only so much need for independence and this is not something he or I would be comfortable with.

I am thinking of doing this with ds who will be 9 soon but I'll start with 5 minutes and build it up from there.

I think it's fine. We started leaving dd1 around this age, maybe closer to 9. On speaking to my mum friends, the age to start doing this is around 9, round my way.

I Went with age 10 as a minimum. Although of course it will vary depending on the child.

Where I live an 8yo is allowed to swim at the pool on their own (assuming a competent swimmer, perfectly likely at 8). So, erm, 8yo in their own house on their own while you take their sibling to Rainbows... erm, yes, fine if they are fine.

I think ds1 was probably 10 when we did this, but ds2 (3rd child) was certainly home alone after school for short periods at 9yo.

Although the law doesn't specify an age I think 8 is too young.

Would she know to contact someone if she needed to?

Would she cope if someone came to the door or if the phone rang? Would she feel comfortable dealing with an unfamiliar adult?

How would she cope in an (admittedly unlikely) emergency such as a flooded kitchen or a power cut?

Can you trust her not to try and experiment with anything dangerous? I ask this because I have a lasting memory of putting nail varnish remover in a bin and setting fire to it - just to see what would happen. I think I was about 8 or 9 at the time. Luckily my mum heard my screams, grabbed the bin and ran from the living room out of the front door with it!

Also, what's the norm where you live? If other parents in your community think it's okay then you're less likely to get someone reporting you for leaving your child home alone. Where I live it's deeply frowned upon to let your child walk to school alone before Year 5. Even if you can see the school from your front door. Leaving an 8 year old home alone would probably lead to referrals to children's services!

I think its fine. I have 4 and cant wait till I dont have to drag them all out the house just to nip to the shop. I will be doing it at around 8.

thisneverendingsummer I'm not sure you can really say of course all 8 year olds are fine to leave, they're not babies. No they are not babies but they are also not mature enough to deal with a lot of things. Like pp's have said of course sitting watching the tv or on the computer for 20 minutes is perfectly fine, but it's what else could happen. What if the doorbell rang, what if they couldn't find a key to get out in an emergency, infact anything could happen which you wouldn't necessarily expect.

I personally feel 8 is too young on their own and just not worth the risk, I've left ds8 for 10 minutes when I popped to the shop but with his 2 sisters who are older and more capable of dealing with such things. Each child is different, one 8 year old can be quite different to another in terms of maturity! Why words would fail you I don't know, if the OP was suggesting a 13 year old or something then yes! It could be classed as being rather precious!

Yes it’s fine as long as she wants to obviously. I left my 8 year alone for up to 20 minutes and she got that independence that they start to crave. She enjoyed feeling grown up in a safe environment and shows that we have trust. I don’t think that my younger child will be ready though at eight - different needs/wants.

I wouldnt. She can be independent without being left alone. There are lots of other ways to be independent. This isnt one of them.

Mine were fine at that age but I taught them beforehand all the what ifs (doorbell/phone/fire/flood etc). They are quite a bit older and only ever needed to deal with people at the door but I felt confident they could have coped if something had happened.

My DC1 is sensible and knows about 999 / neighbours / not to answer door / phone etc. I would be happy popping out to the shop for 10 mins or so. In fact, she probably wouldn't look up from her tablet in that time! I wouldn't leave DC2 as well though.

You know your own child and only you can say if you would be happy or not.

Bonkers how many people would or do leave young kids alone. I had no idea this was a thing until I started lurking on mumsnet.

I think it's fine, but I'm not English and that definitely plays a big part. IMO children need a bit of freedom so they can develop and 20 min at home at 8 seems a perfectly reasonable way to achieve this.

No way.

Of course it’s fine. If parents had more faith in their childrens’ abilities to look after themselves there’d be fewer teens with anxiety problems. Just give her a chance and see how it goes!

Yes, some schools only “allow” children to walk home alone in year five. Not all schools. Across the world, that number would be significantly lower, but let’s assume we are talking about the UK.

If children are allowed to walk home alone, encountering moving cars, crossing roads, making decisions, finding their route, and way through other children and adults in crowds, at aged nine, year five, and that is considered A-OK by everyone. Then why on earth isn’t being left in a safe place (alone at home) considered a good way to start to gain some experience of being independent - at aged eight?

It makes perfect sense to me.

Yes

I would definitely not, but I remember a thread where the op was in another country and the child was age 6 or so and had to walk in snow and ice for miles through woods and such like to and from school each day, and that was the norm in that particular country. So we may be over cautious in the UK! But I am not changing.

Gravelface

Bonkers how many people would or do leave young kids alone. I had no idea this was a thing until I started lurking on mumsnet

its actually very common people just dont tell others, I know someone who use to leave their 4 year old home alone.

Can’t believe there are people who think this is ok. Depressing

I'm quite shocked reading how many do

She knows to not answer the front door

No. It's too young.

But I think you will do it anyway OP.

YABU, she is 8 years old ffs. If you need to ask for advice on this then I'm concerned for your DD full stop.

Takes seconds for accidents to happen, believe me you do not want to be getting that dreaded phone call to say your daughter has been in a accident.