To leave my 8 yo home alone?

[hibbledibble]

I've looked up legislation and guidance on this, but there is surprisingly little.

She is sensible, our home has wired fire alarms throughout, and has recently been signed off by building regs. We know lots of neighbours.

Would it be unreasonable for her to be home alone for short periods eg 20 minutes? She is keen.

I agree wholeheartedly with Chankly at 8 they are old enough to swim by themselves at most pools. On last years rugby tour all the U9’s met by the shop in the caravan park we were staying in and swaggered off to the pool by themselves. Their heads could hardly fit in the doors when they got back, super proud that they had sorted it out by themselves. It was lovely to witness.

I really don’t get the ‘children are only allowed to walk to school in year 5’ thing. DD is in Y5 and a couple of her mates were 8 up until a few weeks ago.

I suppose it depends on loads of things. I have left mine at that age but we live in a small village. I wouldn’t have left her where we lived previously, despite knowing the neighbours and all that. I also wouldn’t go anywhere I had to drive to, but to the shops around the corner? Yes, I would.

Eight is far too young. Yes it's a pain to have to take them out with you but there are other ways to foster independence.

You’re suggesting 6 tbough edwin? Bit of a difference.
What’s the limit then? 4 maybe?

Don't let people guilt trip you, OP. There's a reason the law is vague on this - the answer is "It depends..." mostly on the child. You are the parent and you know your child best, so you decide.

Fwiw, I think far too many children are molly coddled these days and I think your approach of gradually introducing your daughter to independence is much better. Plus, 20 minutes is barely any time at all. It will feel scary the first time you do it, but that will still be the case if you wait until she's ten!

Yes. I have done and will continue to do so with my 8 year old. He is very sensible, he is happy to be left for short periods and I trust him. I only go locally and for short time periods.

I wouldn't leave him in charge of his younger siblings as that's not right and I may not do the same with his not so sensible younger sibling.

I plan to increase his independence gradually over the next few years so he is confident to walk to/ from school alone in year 6 (10 mins). I think it's actually part of good parenting to do this.

Some may disagree and that's fine but I was allowed similar freedoms in the late 1980s of surburban London and I don't see what has changed vastly in that time. My main concern is traffic rather than anything else.

I wouldn't

I have a very sensible 9YO and occasionally leave him for a short amount of time while I go to the local shop. We’re talking anything from 5-15 minutes depending on how busy the shop is when I get there, and I can see our house for the majority of the walk there and back. It’s not a regular thing - I maybe do it about once a month? However, he is extremely sensible and I would say that at least 50% of his friends of the same age are not mature or sensible enough to be left home alone for even 5 minutes at this age.

Orlaith older than 11? So they are taking themselves to secondary school but still not allowed to stay in the house alone for 20 minutes?!

Depends on the kid. My DD1 - yes, and I did. My DD2 - no way. Her head is in the clouds.

I left dd1 for say 10 mins, the rules were don't answer the door to ANYONE and she knew about 999 and get out of the house in case of fire.

Use your own judgement. You know your kid.

MrsKeats, we’re talking about what kids are capable of. So yes, other countries are actually relevant. But if you only ever want to look at the little picture then sure, just focus on Britain. But I think there’s more to the OPs question than ‘is this socially acceptable in Britain’, not least considering the lack of consensus in the answers.

Some of us do find what children are capable of elsewhere relevant, interesting and thought provoking.

The suggestion seems to be that other countries have right.
I think leaving a 6 year old as mentioned by Edwin is not ok. That’s my perogative I believe.

I started leaving my ds for 10 minutes on a Saturday morning when he was 8.5. 3 Mins to the farm shop, buy milk & bread, and back. If the car broke down, I can run that far.
Ds was happy with this. He’s now 10.5 and he’s happy to be left for up to two hours. We have rehearsed what to do if there is smoke in the house, if he hurts himself or if someone bangs on the door. He has the phone and our lovely neighbour is close by ( through the hole in the hedge).
At 11 he needs to go on a school bus on his own so important for him to build a little self sufficiency. He is proud of being trusted so far.

But two hours is enough for now. I don’t go if he asks me not to, if he is not happy. That is fine too.
I think it depends on your child & your environment.

Of course! Nobody is forcing you to leave a 6 yr old or to even agree with it. It’s a discussion! But I just can’t understand why you kept going on about other countries not being Britain so irrelevant.

I left my daughter for the first time at around 8 or 9, but not initially for as long as 20 min. I started with “I’m popping round to see our neighbour, be back in 5 min”, progressed to “posting a letter at the end of the road, back in 10”, and then to “picking up your brother from the train station / we’re dropping the car off for it’s MOT / popping to the post office with a parcel...” all of which would take about 10-20 min.

She’s 10.5 now, I would leave her for up to 30 min.

BUT they do need to be able to use the phone before you can leave them, IMO.

MrsKeats DD was not allowed off to the pool by herself on tour. She is not a strong enough swimmer to be unsupervised in a pool. She’s nearly 7 and an old head in young shoulders. I’d suggest that’s about the youngest. A 4 yr old, of course not. In fact I wouldn’t have left DS at DD’s age because he simply wasn’t ready.

Yes I've done it many times. No big deal if you're local anyway.

I don't agree with the cotton wool parenting some are displaying on this thread, I don't think it serves a child any favours in the long run.
At 8, absolutely yes start leaving in safe environments for a few minutes.
At 9, then add a few more minutes, and walking a short distance to school on their own.
At 10, a few more minutes, and maybe popping to the shop.
Because, otherwise, come 11 when they're expected to bus/walk/cycle normally a good few miles to secondary school, that's rather too large a leap in one go.

MrsKeats the point is that your belief is culturally conditioned - it doesn't come from anything innate about children and what they are capable of. Clearly they can do far more if allowed. I'm a bit horrified at how clueless mine are by comparison with me at the same age, but unfortunately the horrified gasps on this thread mean that even for those of us minded to give our kids more freedom, the reality is that given the social context in this country we risk social services involvement for allowing what in other countries would be perfectly normal parenting. Kids are often utterly infantilised in the UK - witness people thinking that normal 8yos would not know to not answer the door if left home alone!!!

There was an example upthread of a child that did open the door though?

I have a 7 yr old and since 6.5 I’ve been popping to shop (max 5/8 mins). I do shit myself a bit but only about unlikey things happening that will stop me making it home like crashing or randomly getting arrested or something!? (Weird I know) He’s very very good though and the rules are don’t answer door or move pretty much anywhere from lounge.
Think you know your own kids. I was walking home from school alone at 8. Kids are so restricted these days.

My 8.9yo has been to the coop 3 times for me today and I will leave her for ten minutes if I need to go myself. She wants to walk home alone from school but that’s a no at the moment but will probably come to a compromise next year where she meets me somewhere. School give out walking home passes from year 4 but they really do encourage independence.

It depends on your immediate area too though doesn't it. My corner shop is very close and we live on a terrace where many of the kids' school friends live. They would not have to go far for help. If I lived in the country I might feel different - maybe it would feel safer, or maybe more remote. I personally wouldn't drive anywhere and leave them. I think there are too many variables to generalise, which is presumably why the law isn't hard and fast. I'm not really planning to leave my dreamy currently 8 yr old alone in the house til she's 25 or so!

DS1, not really ready or sensible till 9/10.
DD1, absolutely rock solid from around 7.
DS2, will be fine once he’s old enough to work a phone.
DD2, could cause a conflagration in a swimming pool.
Would try and douse it with petrol.
No.

My DD is 10, but she's been playing outside with her friends since she was 7. It's very normal where I'm from. So the way I see it, if she's responsible enough to play outside she's responsible enough to be home alone for half hour.

You know your child best and you'll know better than anyone else whether it's safe or not.