To leave my 8 yo home alone?

[hibbledibble]

I've looked up legislation and guidance on this, but there is surprisingly little.

She is sensible, our home has wired fire alarms throughout, and has recently been signed off by building regs. We know lots of neighbours.

Would it be unreasonable for her to be home alone for short periods eg 20 minutes? She is keen.

I wouldn't personally, started leaving 9 nearly 10 year old only recently but still for 5 mins not 20.

I spoke to school recently about 8 year old walking out the gates to meet me at the school barrier , to build independence, but the school weren't happy

You have already decided it seems.

I'm a relaxed parent and wouldn't do it regularly.

The type of emergency I would do it is if she was ill and I needed to take or pick up her sibling from school. She could stay in bed or in front of the telly rather than be dragged out.

Can you trust her to stay in the car while you pop into a shop for 10 mins? That's enough independence for her age in 2018.

I have an 8 year old DS. Have left him twice for 15 minutes max to go to local shop. First time, I text neighbour to make sure she was in & to keep an eye out. My parents did this with me from age 8. We are in a bungalow. I am happy to do this every now & again to help build up some independence. It does depend on the child I think, he's sensible.

Yep, if she’s happy enough and you have her well versed on how to call for help, don’t turn on cooker etc, then I think it’s absolutely fine for 20mins. I lived in a very developed country where people would leave kids home alone even younger for hours while they worked. One of my staff had her 6 yr old twins travelling on 2 tubes and 10min walk home to stay for 2 hrs till she got there every day. I was horrified but in that country children are expected to be quite independent. My point I’m telling you that....children can do what they’re allowed to learn.

And yet there are entire countries (Japan, Switzerland) where 5-6yos are expected to make their own way to and from school alone, even across Tokyo! 40 years ago nobody would have batted an eyelid in the UK either. What surprises me is how little people seem to realise how culturally and historically specific the definition of 'small child' is. I have friends in other countries whose 8yos walk themselves home from school, let themselves in and stay alone for a number of hours until their parents get home! Personally my 8.5yo is still borderline, but we are close - six more months I reckon. Nothing to get your knickers in a twist about, really. Even my 4yo knows how to dial 999 and not to answer the door, if an 8yo didn't know those things I'd say that's poor parenting!

YANBU. I leave DS (only just 9) alone for 20 mins if I need to pop to the shop. He has a phone so can call if he needs to.

There are entire countries where there are still public hangings tbough frog so that argument is invalid really as here we don’t think it’s right.

In other countries, you wouldn't have people calling Social Services for allowing an infant school child to school but in the UK, people would be using phrases like negligent and abusive to describe you even if there were no main roads and nothing happened.

I will also own up to having left 6 yr old DD alone for 10-15 mins for similar reasons. She FaceTimed me this afternoon to ask how much longer I was going to be. I like this. She’s happy to be left for short periods, knows how to get out of the house and how to contact me if she is worried.

Never in a million years! And I'm a great believer in exposing children to risk as soon as possible 😱😱

1. Unbelievable

Mrskeats we aren't talking about Saudi Arabia though! Switzerland, France, Japan, Sweden - most of Europe in fact give kids vastly more responsibility than we do. If the UK is wildly out of step with how much freedom other wealthy, developed countries give their kids, then that's certainly cause for wondering whether our way is necessarily best!

(Japan obviously not in Europe!!)

When you go to the swimming baths, you send your eight year olds in the changing rooms to shower and get changed and they either meet you at the poolside, if you are swimming and have been in a different changing room, or they can swim solo, because they are old enough. They then shower and dress and come and meet you. Easily alone and sorting themselves out for more than 20 minutes.

Most of the kids round here play out and I’d say 20-30 minutes is about the length of time I go between quick checks out of the window. And my quick checks are not needed, they are not required, they are done because of threads like this usually!

Both of these scenarios require far more from the child in terms of coping, managing, and skills than being at home.

But both of these are ok and being at home somehow is not?

She’s 7 next month. Bright as a button and way more sensible than her elder brother.

will also own up to having left 6 yr old DD alone for 10-15 mins for similar reasons. She FaceTimed me this afternoon to ask how much longer I was going to be.

Blimey

But we live in Britain so why are you going on about other countries? Differing cultural norms mean that obviously views will vary. You are suggesting that those countries have it right. I’m disagreeing.
I think leaving a child alone at 6 is not right.

DS is almost 8 and I have just started leaving him for about 20 mins while I go to pick up his sibling from after school activity. He has a list of phone numbers, knows how to use the phone, knows not to answer the door, or do anything in the kitchen (and wouldn’t do anything that involves tearing himself away from the tv!), and knows to go to certain neighbours’ houses if he did have to get out of the house. On balance, I think it’s fine, the risks are very small of anything happening in a short space of time, and he is sensible enough to know what to do if something did. It’s good for his growing independence and sense of responsibility. —And I don’t have to drag him back up to school half an hour after we got in from picking him up.—

I know my niece was left for the first time when 10 and she answered the door to a man when told not to because she judged that actually it would be ok in this instance (i think he worked for a charity). My sil had drummed into her not to answer the door under any circumstances. The reality is kids can be unpredictable and this could have been anyone at the door. My sil didn't leave her again until she was at secondary school.

I agree with an earlier poster who suggests starting with 5 mins and ironing out all the cracks and potential problems before you leave her for 20. If she is scared 20 mins is a long time for you not to be there. You would also need to have a list of contacts by the phone and talk through what to do if certain things happened. I am sure you have thought of all this.

Personally I think I would wait until year 5 but I live in an area with middle schools so year 5 seems like a "grown up" year to me (the year 5 walk to school round here without parents)

The people saying never in a million years are unreasonable. I was definitely left at 9 and my mum was generally quite risk averse and protective.

My son thought he was keen. Then I left him at home for 20 mins when I took his sister to school on a day when he had an appointment and was going in late. By the time I got home he was standing at the door complaining that I had been too long.

I think 8 (if responsible) is totally fine and am puzzled by the number of people so vehemently against it!

I'm interested to read this because I have an exceptionally responsible 10 year old and a moderately bonkers 8 year old and would love to leave them in the house while I run round the block in our village. Takes me 12 minutes. I think that they would be fine but suspect my estranged husband would have my guts for garters.

The only time I’ve ever left my two kids alone was to quickly retrieve my mail from our letterbox and they were still in bed sleeping. But your gut feeling is important here. Obviously you know her best. My son and daughter are too little and too mischievous for me to leave them alone for long. Can she be trusted? What are you going to do if something happens to her?

No, 8 is too young. I start at 11 with my confident kids and older with those who are not.