DD moving back in and insists we allow her to bring her dog. We can't have the dog. What do we do?

[ShitZ]

Our daughter lived in a flat with her mate. She got a dog, she has had him 3 years. Unfortunately, her friend is moving away and she can't afford that place on her own, so she is moving back home (she is still saving for her own mortgage). We have a cat who is disabled and can not be around other animals, it absolutely petrified her as we tried with the dog as I was going to help when she was at work but instead she paid someone else as our cat just couldn't cope.

I don't know what to do. I'm really funny about giving loved pets up. Even if she found somewhere to rent, they don't usually allow dogs and she would ideally like to save.

I don't know what the answer is and wondered if anyone could come up with some ideas? Would be so grateful.

She either finds a place that takes the dog or rehomes the dog. I don't see any other option if the dog can't be in your home.

It's her choice what to do. You are entitled to not want it in your house.

is the dog able to live in the garden in a temperate shed/kennel?

tough thing. imo your cat has priority and your dd has to decide what to do.

Doggy foster care (it's a real thing)

Could the friend take the dog?

I wondered about something outside as our cat can't go out, so the garden is free. Wasn't sure if that was seen as suitable in the colder months.

I don’t know if this is “a thing”, but could you find a sort of foster family for the dog till your dd is on her feet again? You obviously can’t allow the dog to move in with you and your cat. So I don’t see how dd can insist on it...

Why can't she stay on her present place and find a flatmate/lodger. Your cat must be priority over her dog.

Friend can't have the dog, that's what I said, but DD has said she absolutely can't and didn't suggest getting a dog in the first place.

I know it's my DD's problem to sort, just trying to see if there's a solution as she's very upset.

Your DD needs to make another decision. It's called being a grown up!

If she is saving for a mortgage she can afford more rent, she chooses not to. Again, all part of being an adult.

As a parent you help when you can. In this instance you can't as your DDs life is partly incompatible with yours. Your home, your choice.

She could look for another flatmate?

Dog only allowed downstairs, whilst cat has upstairs?

Foster care for dd’s dog, Dogs Trust should be able to help.

Can she find someone to share her current flat where the landlord was obviously fine woth the dog being there. There are plenty of agencies for finding a reliable flat share peraon to share the rent with.

She can't stay in current place as it was her friend's mortgage. DD payed rent to her.

Yes, she could rent somewhere but can't find anywhere that accepts dogs.

She thinks it might be okay for the dog to stay in her room and her carry it to the garden for the bathroom and she'll make sure it's taken somewhere when she's not at home. I'm really unsure on that idea.

Your daughter can't "insist" upon anything. This is YOUR home. Taking on a dog is a massive responsibility and it can often make life more challenging even though you love them so much, and your daughter should have realised this before she got one. Don't make your daughter's problems and responsibilities yours.

She can insist if she wants but your unable to have her dog come and stay and that’s it. So she has to temporary rehome her dog or she goes and lives somewhere else

I don't think it's fair to keep the dog outside the home in a kennel all the time. Even if it was large/heated, dogs need attention and company too.

I think she needs to stay put and find a flatmate or find a place of her own that takes pets.

I think your cat would still be very stressed even if the dog was in one room as they would still be able to smell each other and hear each other, so I agree with others sadly that the dog can't come into the house as it really wouldn't be fair to the cat who was there first- also not really fair to the dog to be confined to one room

How long is your daughter needing to stay with you?

She could try contacting landlords and asking if they would accept higher deposit etc to cover for any dog damage?

Her idea is a total non starter. And she doesn't need to come home, she wants to come home. Tell her she is welcome any time without the dog, but it isn't open to discussion. She's an adult who chose to take on responsibility for an animal, what did she think would happen when she eventually needed to move?

The only concession I would make would be helping to have something built in the garden for the dog, if that won't affect the cat.

She sorts out a rental that will take dogs and pays a higher deposit if necessary.
She has absolutely no right to expect that you should jeopardise your cat's well being by allowing her dog on your premises.

This is your adult daughter's problem to solve, not yours.

you can easily use child gates to keep dogs and cats apart (as long as the cat wants to be kept apart!). We do this. That plus doggy day care whenever she's out could be the kindest option for the dog, whilst also respecting the cat?

she can insist as much as she likes but at the end of the day it is your home with a cat that cant be with another animal, and whatever she says she will do in regards to putting it in the garden/her room will soon go to pot as it will probably escape or bark or crap everywhere and thats no good for anyone
she needs to rehome the mutt or rent a place that accepts pets

Don't suggest a child / doggy gate. Too much hassle and still stressful for the cat. Stand firm and don't compromise. If she moves home it's without the dog and she needs to find a solution.

The dog won't stay in her room and the cat will smell it anyway.
It's down to her to sort it,and she stays but the dog goes elsewhere or they both find elsewhere to live.Poor bloody cat.

Why can't she advertise for a new flat mate to move in with her?