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Original poster

DD moving back in and insists we allow her to bring her dog. We can't have the dog. What do we do?

239 replies

ShitZ · 23/09/2018 16:08

Our daughter lived in a flat with her mate. She got a dog, she has had him 3 years. Unfortunately, her friend is moving away and she can't afford that place on her own, so she is moving back home (she is still saving for her own mortgage). We have a cat who is disabled and can not be around other animals, it absolutely petrified her as we tried with the dog as I was going to help when she was at work but instead she paid someone else as our cat just couldn't cope.

I don't know what to do. I'm really funny about giving loved pets up. Even if she found somewhere to rent, they don't usually allow dogs and she would ideally like to save.

I don't know what the answer is and wondered if anyone could come up with some ideas? Would be so grateful.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 23/09/2018 18:52

In the end it's your house so it must be your decision. I agree with people who say she should have thought about consequences before getting a dog if she was in a shared house. But that's by the way. All the solutions are very unsatisfactory IMHO. Carrying it through the house to the garden for the loo. Crazy!

You will be in charge of the dog when your DD goes on holiday, meets a friend, goes out of the house for any reason. This is a time when you need to say sorry but the answer is No. I can't have the dog here in this house. And she must decide for herself what to do. Don't give in for the short term. It will become permanent.

LIVVI1234 · 23/09/2018 18:55

I really don't think it is a good idea to have the dog in the house at all with the cat. if the cat is disabled, not only will the poor thing be terrified but also vulnerable if the dog does get near physically. a recipe for disaster. i know its hard but i think she really needs to rehome her dog.

MimsyBorogroves · 23/09/2018 18:55

Where are you, OP? Is dog male or female? Can it live with another dog and cats? Can it be left or does it have separation anxiety? Can it be around dog savvy children?

I'm looking to foster/adopt a dog for my very elderly dog as company. Just wondering if I could help out.

Mishappening · 23/09/2018 19:00

".....insists we allow her to bring her dog..." Cheeky madam!!!

altiara · 23/09/2018 19:41

It’s VERY simple - DD find somewhere to live that accepts the dog. There could be any number of reasons why you can’t have a dog in the house including you don’t want one.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 23/09/2018 19:41

I think basically there are two options:
The DD can't move home
Or
Rehome the dog.

Personally I think when DD took ownership of the dog she essentially forfeited the ability to move home, it's all very well to say she's saving for a house but if she wasn't financially stable enough to live by herself she really shouldn't have got a dog. She made the decision when she got the dog and now she's gonna have to suck it up.

The dog can't live in your house that's not fair on your cat, the cat would be distressed and when you take care of an animal you shouldn't put it through distress essentially. If the DD moves home one animal is going to be distressed either the dog or the cat and therefore the DD can't move home.

This annoys me because I know a few people my age who just buy big pets like cats or dogs on a whim with no thought to the life or future they are going to have. I would love a dog but I am currently renting and will be moving a fair bit plus I work full time it's really not fair of me to get a dog in that situation, therefore I won't get a dog.

MinecraftHolmes · 23/09/2018 19:43

Sorry, I just thought our children were our children no matter what age they are.

Doesn't mean you have to live with a dog if you don't want to.

psicat · 23/09/2018 20:03

Agree with all the PP that state either she rehomes the dog (through a suitable rescue please!) or finds somewhere that allows dogs. It's hard but not impossible, just takes a bit more looking.

The dog would be extremely unlikely to adjust to living in a kennel so would have problems with barking and some breeds can't cope with living outdoors.
Long term Foster is not an option, there isn't anywhere that would do that and it would not be fair on the dog. She could board for a couple of weeks if a short term gap but it's not going to be a couple of weeks is it?
If she's worried about affording a place by herself she can look for a room again - I used to have a lodger and I would accept a dog. Again, difficult but not impossible.
It is her responsibility, when taking on a pet she has to think about the next 15 years and where she may be. Things can sometimes go out of control but this was never going to be a permanent living arrangement

category12 · 23/09/2018 20:03

I think it's cruel to the cat to expect it to accept a dog. And it's cruel to the dog to expect it to live in one room or a kennel outside, when presumably it is used to having the run of the flat and company.

Dd needs to find somewhere to rent that'll accept her having a dog and just save more slowly, or find a friend or family member who can take the dog in temporarily, or rehome it if her saving for the deposit is more important to her.

cl61reb · 23/09/2018 20:07

I think we all know it ... She is going to have to get the dog re-homed.

A few tips:
Don't give it away for free
Use a charity to help u do it (they will reference the new owners)
Don't give it a friend as it will be heart breaking to see it regularly.

Hope it all goes ok

ChilliPowderMild · 23/09/2018 20:24

How far off having enough deposit is she?
And did you have any plans to help out with new furniture in due course etc?
Would it be worth making an arrangement to help out with her deposit so she moves into her own home, albeit with no new furniture, but with dog?
Of course, she may have to compromise a bit and go for a little garden flat rather than a house but if she loves the dog that much....

Macaroni46 · 23/09/2018 20:33

*I don't know what the answer is ...
*
Simple - you just say no! Your house, your cat, no dog, end of!

steppemum · 23/09/2018 22:52

I have a cat and a dog.
cat came first, and was fine with doggy visitors that we looked after while friends were on holiday.

Then we got our dog, rescue, apparently fine with cats. He was, he thought they were fine to chase.

We have had cat upstairs and dog downstairs, and trained and trained and trained the dog.
The cat spent most of the summer living in the garden (he does that anyway in the warm weather)

We have had the dog for 10 months and in the last 2 weeks, we have had dog and cat voluntarily in the same room, co-existing and no chasing.

10 months of hard work, with healthy young dog and cat.

There is no way you can have the dog.
She may be able to get someone to foster it for a year. But in reality she needs to re-home or find a home she can love in with the dog.

RiverTam · 23/09/2018 23:01

That was very silly of your DD to get a dog when she is renting. Obviously she can’t have the dog at yours and needs to stop insisting she does.

Either she finds somewhere to rent that will accept the dog (unlikely, which she should have known) or she rehomes it.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/09/2018 23:10

Most dogs and cats can learn to tolerate each other but it takes time and careful patience.

EmilyRosiEl · 23/09/2018 23:22

Just keep them separated- we had a very bouncy puppy and an elderly cat and just kept them apart e.g. cat has upstairs for certain hours and downstairs for others and vice versa OR cat has your room, living room, dog has your DD's room, kitchen. Dog goes on lead in the garden but is allowed to run free on walks, cat is allowed to access garden freely etc.

problembottom · 23/09/2018 23:28

Please don’t inflict this dog on your cat. My cat would be very distressed if a dog moved in, it wouldn’t be fair at all.

bluetongue · 24/09/2018 01:21

Daughter moves home for now but puts dog into boarding until she finds a rental or house share that accepts dog. It will take longer than without a pet but if it’s three it’s hopefully no longer destructive like a puppy might be. The rental might not be as nice or might be more expensive than is she didn’t have dog but that’s what she has signed up for.

Your house and cat, your rules.

Another option, is the dog a particular breed and is she on any local dog related Facebook pages for that breed? I know my local whippet pages would help me out in a situation like this.

bluetongue · 24/09/2018 01:40

Oh and my parents have an elderly cat with a chronic illness. My dog doesn’t come to visit at the moment, not even in the back garden. They love and dote on my dog but only outside their house.

psicat · 24/09/2018 07:20

@CurlyhairedAssassin

"As an aside... does anyone know if dog ownership in the U.K. has gone down"

Dog ownership has actually increased this year for the first time in a while

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 24/09/2018 10:21

I would expect your relationship with dd to deteriorate if the ddog isn't welcome.
Is trying to make it work not worth making sure that doesn't happen?

DontBoreMe · 24/09/2018 10:23

Dog needs to be rehomed.

Before you know it you'll be the default carer for it, will end up looking after it when she's away etc.

And, at the end of the day, it's your home! If you don't want a dog in it, then you don't have to have one.

She has 2 choices - rehome the dog or look for her own accommodation.

DownAndUnder · 24/09/2018 10:37

How long is she planning on staying? My mum let me and ddog live with her for a few months even though her dog isn’t dog friendly, not doable if it’s long term though. I don’t think a 22 year old that has kept a dog for 3 years and is prepared to pay doggy daycare is an irresponsible owner.

Rhondacross · 24/09/2018 10:44

Just say no.

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