DD moving back in and insists we allow her to bring her dog. We can't have the dog. What do we do?

[ShitZ]

Our daughter lived in a flat with her mate. She got a dog, she has had him 3 years. Unfortunately, her friend is moving away and she can't afford that place on her own, so she is moving back home (she is still saving for her own mortgage). We have a cat who is disabled and can not be around other animals, it absolutely petrified her as we tried with the dog as I was going to help when she was at work but instead she paid someone else as our cat just couldn't cope.

I don't know what to do. I'm really funny about giving loved pets up. Even if she found somewhere to rent, they don't usually allow dogs and she would ideally like to save.

I don't know what the answer is and wondered if anyone could come up with some ideas? Would be so grateful.

Has she checked out the cost of dog day care? London prices near me start at £25 per day upwards, and most are upwards. And many are late morning starts, so if she has to be at work by 8.30 ........

It’s a tough one for both of you, but ultimately your DD is going to have to either rehome the dog or find a rental that accepts pets.

It’s really not fair to expect your cat to cope, because she’ll sense the dog even if it’s in one room (I know you’ve said no to that).

A PP suggested dog loving MN foster carers? Would that be an option?

What you do is point out that she is an adult with a dog she is responsible for. She can't bring the dog into your house, so although she is welcome to stay, she will have to make an adult choice either to rehome the dog (temporarily or permanently) or to find alternative accommodation for her and the dog. You do not have to find the solution for her.

Also, the most obvious solution seems to me that she find a new flatmate.

Is the dog a Staffordshire bull terrier?

YUour daughter 'insists' does she.What a madam! Your house your rules

No the dog is a bichon frise

Thanks for the replies

There is no way around this. DD rehomes the dog or finds somewhere else to live.

Your cat - the resident animal takes priority

Your DD needs to put her big girl pants on and choose the other options:

. find somewhere to rent that will accept the dog - e.g. with a large damage deposit
. organise dog fostering - maybe where she can visit daily
. rehoming

Her suggestion / demand won't work in practice:

The animals will of course smell each other.

Your cat will be very stressed
and you can't force her to stay in a different area of the house daily for all the time your daughter is home with her dog

Also, with all the to-ing and fro-ing, the dog will probably get loose into the rest of the house a couple of times and terrify the poor cat.

Your cat should not have to suffer for poor planning by your DD.

Really feeling sorry for both the daughter and the dog here, both of whom are being spoken of as if second class citizens. How about some sympathy for the young girl who's tried to live as an independent adult and had the rug pulled out from under her feet? She's probably paid thousands over at least the last 3 years in rent and now has nothing to show for it, as do many of us who rent and dare to think we should be allowed the love and company of pets . It's not at all fair on the cat and quite rightly the fact it's your home means she shouldn't "insist", however its not your daughters fault the majority of housing is unaffordable for a single young adult and she deserves support, not slating.

It is often estate agents who seem to decide on behalf of landlords, without consulting first, that pets will not be accepted. It is worth directly asking the landlords themselves and seeing what happens.

We are landlords and agents have certainly said this on our behalf. It isn't correct. We can and sometimes have allowed pets in some of our properties, the ones that are suitable.

She can't possibly keep her dog in a single room in your house. Unfair on the dog, and it just won't work. That is a ridiculous idea. I have two dogs of my own and used to have a cat too. No way would this work.

She needs to look harder for a place to rent, and/or at other options for the dog. Fostering, daycare (though that would mean that she would have to have the dog home with her in the evenings).

It doesn't sound as though she really thought through the responsibility, commitment and other ramifications of taking on a dog.

Is the dog a Staffordshire bull terrier?

Random question why is that relevant?

Friend can't have the dog, that's what I said, but DD has said she absolutely can't and didn't suggest getting a dog in the first place

so was the friend (and flat owner) opposed to her getting the dog and your DD just got it anyway?
What sort of dog is it (she's going to carry it to the garden to pee)

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If you want your DD to have the option of moving home (which I would certainly want to be able to offer in these circumstances) then you need to find a way of accommodating a dog. The relationship you have with your dog is a much closer one than you have with a cat, even a disabled one that relies on you. I could never give up a dog and neither could my DDs - though neither would they get one unless they knew they were in a position to care for it properly for 15 years. We had two old cats when we got a new puppy after our old dog died. We had a system of stair and door gates to protect them (they are available in all sizes, even double doors, online for exactly this reason - often people do not want their muddy dog to have free range of the home anyway ). When one cat died the other decided to live in my bedroom and use the window instead of the cat flap. As yours is an inside cat then the cat flap is not an issue and it should be easy to give it a dog free area to feel safe in.

Otherwise you are basically putting the cat over your DD and her dog. Up to you.....

Living as an independent adult includes not taking the ridiculous decision to get a dog when you are 20 and living in a mates house.

We had a bischon and he needed more exercise than our old English . Keeping in in a bedroom all evening is a non starter as it’s pretty cruel

@Pagwatch she's had the dog for 3 years so it obviously wasn't put to her as a short term arrangement was it? Hardly like she's just got it on a whim

Agree @startinggrid. Also sad how many people are suggesting rehoming a dog when there are already so many waiting loving homes.

Well your dd bought the dog, she's responsible for it, just as you bought your cat and you are responsible for it. Since she's wanting to move back home your cat comes tops. She's going to have to rehome her dog or find somewhere else to live. I wouldn't let her dictate the terms.

Of course it was a whim.

How many 20 year olds are in the position to reasonably predict that they have secure circumstances including jobs and housing for more than the next few years

StartingGrid

OP does want to support her daughter. She can't accommodate the dog though so what else can she do?

The fact that things have worked for three years is great but luck

We manage our dogs environment with a couple of stair gates but it sounds as though neither the dog nor the cat would be comfortable

I do have sympathy for the OP's DD, and fully understand her wish to keep her dog.

In an ideal world I would say that cats and dogs can learn to co-exist in the same house and would have suggested ways of encouraging that to happen. However, OP's resident cat is elderly and disabled, so this could make that immediately more difficult, not to mention stressful and unfair on the cat. It could have a very unwanted effect.