DD moving back in and insists we allow her to bring her dog. We can't have the dog. What do we do?

[ShitZ]

Our daughter lived in a flat with her mate. She got a dog, she has had him 3 years. Unfortunately, her friend is moving away and she can't afford that place on her own, so she is moving back home (she is still saving for her own mortgage). We have a cat who is disabled and can not be around other animals, it absolutely petrified her as we tried with the dog as I was going to help when she was at work but instead she paid someone else as our cat just couldn't cope.

I don't know what to do. I'm really funny about giving loved pets up. Even if she found somewhere to rent, they don't usually allow dogs and she would ideally like to save.

I don't know what the answer is and wondered if anyone could come up with some ideas? Would be so grateful.

Insists.. yes very good... it's your Home OP.. your DD can insist on ZILCHO...

Sorry, scrap that, saw your update.

She can insist all she wants but the dog, or cat will have to go elsewhere
Who would be responsible for looking after the dog whilst dd worked?
I'm afraid she's going to have to learn that life is tough and you can't always have what you want.

She will have to take responsibility and find somewhere cheaper to rent with the dog. Much as she would like to save money, she is responsible for an animal now and she needs to take care of him. His welfare trumps her savings.

A lot of rentals around here say no dogs but will let you if you ask they just usually make the deposit loads more.

She needs to make this decision because it's her compromise - she can come home and save but she'd then have to put the dog in foster care or rehome; or she keeps the dog but then can't come home and needs to find alternative accommodation.

There's no other option that's fair on the dog and cat.

Time for your daughter today grow up.
She can’t “insist”
Her dog, her responsibility to rehome permanently or temporarily, or find herself suitable accommodation.

It is your home, so sadly the dog will have to be re-homed.

The idea of dog staying in her room is ridiculous. Do not move forward based on that premise. If she wanis to come home she will have to make alternative arrangements for the dog.

Tbh I don't think dog foster care is fair for this scenario unless she is going to buy a house in the next 6 months, if it takes two years to finish saving and buy somewhere and move in the dog would of lived with other people nearly as long as it has your DD. I know it's not what she wants but she should rehome the dog so it's not messed about anymore than it needs to be.

I would suggest she advertises on FB for a foster carer for her dog. Bound to be someone who can help.

Of course it won't work having the poor dog locked in her room while she is at work all day. She is clearly hoping that

A) you will relent, feel sorry for the dog and allow it into the rest of the house

B) you will relent,feel sorry for the dog and allow it into the rest of the house and take it out for exercise while she is out at.

Next thing will be that she has found a new flat, but the landlord doesn't take dogs.........

I was in your shoes op. Dd ddog was a trained killing machine (Lurcher her bf took out hunting), she is now a house pet with dcat friends!
Ds also needed a foster carer for his ddog, with mn support I got him in a rescue and he was rehomed. Unfortunately he had a breakdown and had to be pts.
Please don't under estimate how much your dd loves her ddog, imo it is an extension of your family whether you want it or not. Baby gate up to keep them apart? Our dcats actually love a face wash nowadays!
It gave me a sense of 'phew' that although I couldn't really help either dc get over the breakdown of a relationship I did what I could regarding the ddogs.

the suggestion of keeping it in her room is cruel and unfair on the Dog.. she NEEDS to rehome it short term or long term... she cannot keep the dog confined like that... that is awful

It might be worth talking to an animal behaviour specialist type person to see if the cat can be trained into tolerating the dog? There must be something that could be done by professionals and your dd could pay for it with her saved rent.

Could the cat live upstairs and the dog down stairs at the evening. Then an outside kennel during the day. But the kennel would need a specialist heater for winter.

ShareARoom have a website specifically for rentals where you can take pets

No she will send it to a daycare or something when she is at work. In her room when she is there. I still don't think that will work, so I'm saying no to that anyway.

I rented a place despite having three small dogs and also had the choice of another property. Both had advertised as no pets but agents were happy once they'd met me. Your DD needs to try harder to find a place that will accept her dog instead of insisting you do what she wants at the expense of your poor cat.

Will tell her to look at ShareARoom thanks

You can’t allow her to bring the dog, it will stress your cat out too much no matter what you try to do.

As others have said, she needs to either find another place that will allow her the dog (you have to ASK, not assume you definitely can’t) and she’ll have to pay a bigger deposit. That’s life. Else she fosters/rehomes HER dog.

Do you know the actual situation with her current place? Initially you said she can’t afford it on her own (implying it’s rented), then you said the friend has a mortgage on it...so does that mean the friend won’t let her get a flatmate? Is the friend selling it or renting it out? How much notice does Dd have?

How old is DD?

There are loads of dog-loving MNetters who might be happy to foster. What area are you in? You might get lucky and find someone. Missing her dog will make her save up faster so they can be reunited.

I don't know the exact situation no. I do know that it was her friend's place (her mortgage) but she let DD move in and DD paid her rent.

DD is 22.

She doesn’t get to insist here, it’s your home and you are doing her a favour letting her move back home to save money (even if she would pay you rent, she’s doing it to save so obviously whatever she pays you would be less than if she rented privately)

She can’t bring the dog to your home. It’s unfair to your cat who already lives there.

She can find someone to look after the dog or she can find somewhere to live with the dog and pay higher deposit etc.

welcome to the reality of the 15 year dog committment. It may either reduce your options or cost you lots of money, but that is what you volunteered for.

tell her that.