DD moving back in and insists we allow her to bring her dog. We can't have the dog. What do we do?

[ShitZ]

Our daughter lived in a flat with her mate. She got a dog, she has had him 3 years. Unfortunately, her friend is moving away and she can't afford that place on her own, so she is moving back home (she is still saving for her own mortgage). We have a cat who is disabled and can not be around other animals, it absolutely petrified her as we tried with the dog as I was going to help when she was at work but instead she paid someone else as our cat just couldn't cope.

I don't know what to do. I'm really funny about giving loved pets up. Even if she found somewhere to rent, they don't usually allow dogs and she would ideally like to save.

I don't know what the answer is and wondered if anyone could come up with some ideas? Would be so grateful.

It’s really difficult and I adore dogs and honestly don’t like cats much but the poor op is trying to support her dad but obviously loves and is worried about her cat.

@pagwatch presumably you are ok with 20 year old people and renters having children, voting, being employed? But they are not responsible enough to own a dog?

@YouCanCallMeNancy why is one family members pet more important than another? Perhaps people should think of their circumstances before getting a pet.

your daughter needs to grow up and stop being a madam. your house, your rules

I don't see how it's "slating" the daughter to suggest that she needs to find a suitable rental and pay the necessary deposit in order to keep the dog.

It's the OP 's home and she shouldn't need to make accommodations because her daughter "insists".

Sorry, I'm actually not sure of the age of OP's cat. She says it is disabled anyway, and is best kept as a solitary animal rather than with others. There can be many reasons for this.

Her DD though, will have formed quite a major bond with her dog after three years of ownership.

It isn't a simple situation of just rehoming the dog, whatever some may try to say.

It would be worth her contacting landlords direct and asking if they would accept a small well behaved dog if she paid a higher deposit. Does the dog go in a crate? If the dog is crate trained she could explain to a landlord that the dog can't get up to any mischief whilst she's at work as it's in a crate. If she does find a landlord willing to agree to the dog staying she could then look into getting a flat mate and put that money towards saving for a mortgage.

There are also charities that foster dogs but this is usually more of a temporary option. I hope she manages to sort something out.

Living as an independent adult includes not taking the ridiculous decision to get a dog when you are 20 and living in a mates house

^ This.

She needs to take responsibility. She chose to get a dog in a rented property so needs to take responsibility for the issues that can create. You need to prioritise your cat over her dog. Either she finds somewhere cheaper to rent/new housemates or the dog needs rehousing.

Remember even to dc who have left home, dm's place is stil always home.
Your dd is just wanting her ddog to go home too.
We now have 4 ddogs after taking in dd's ddog - not my life plan but it works. Kept her from dcats for a while, took 1 dcat about 2 years to cope with out ddogs but has accepted the new one much quicker!
Imo your dcat will adjust, give it a place of safety +extra treats, a gate to keep ddog away - no chance it can jump over now you have named the breed!
You do your dd a disservice by not even trying imo.

But the OP's house is not the dog's home. I don't see why she should be making moves to accommodate it and risk her cat being distressed. Her daughter hasn't apparently made any serious effort to negotiate a suitable rental property.

I am all for dogs being crate trained and certainly crate trained my labrador when he was a puppy. He was not left alone for longer than a couple of hours during the day and would have eaten our house if left with unfettered access. Iam wary of it though if someone is going to be at work all day. That is too long to leave them in a crate, but some people do it.

Ianbealesonwheels

None of those are particularly relevant are they?

The irresponsibility of choosing to buy a dog when you are renting a room off your mate aged 20 has been pretty well illustrated by her needing to live at home because having a dog, not enough money and no alternative arrangements has led to her mum having to post this sad thread.

Very few people end up having to ask their mum if they can come and live back at home through being employed or voting

@Aprilshowersnowastorm the op's house has never been the dog's "home" so why should the OP accommodate it if she doesn't want? Why on earth did the DD get a dog when renting a room from a mate (who as the OP says didn't really want a dog in their place anyway)?

it would be kind if OP could find a suitable solution for her DD to keep her dog. I can only imagine how upset she’d be if she had to give the dog up because she couldn’t find anywhere to live but then I suppose it’s better that she’s upset than the cat?

What a nasty post!

1. it’s not OPs responsibility to sort this mess out

2. you’re saying she’s putting her cat over her DD which just isn’t true. She would have been if she’d said her DD can’t move back in because of the cat, but that isn’t what was said and I think your passive aggressive implication that she puts her cat over her was incredibly spiteful.

There are landlords who allow tenants with dogs. Usually no more than 2 dogs. There is a difference between a tenant having 2, young, bonkers border Collies who would not cope with being shut in a house all day and so are likely to chew furniture, door frames and even the floor! than a 3 year old bichon frize who is crated (is the dog crated OP?).

It's a difficult decision for your dd but she can't possibly keep a dog in her bedroom.. That's not fair on the dog or the cat. The dog should not be kept outside either. A bichon frize is not a hardy dog - especially when it's been used to home comforts for 3 years.

Borrowmydog.com?

What a fool to get a dog as a 20 year old renting with a friend.

Callmenancy, don't be ridiculous. OP is prioritising her resident and disabled cat over a non-resident dog, not her cat over her DD.

She finds another place or another place for her dog, she doesn't get to insist on anything.

I think rather than focus on what Ops daughter has done wrong (in some peoples eyes) it would be more helpful to think of alternatives.
Anyone's situation can change in a heartbeat. Just stop being so critical of something already done. It's not helpful.

Hi OP, dog person here, there is a thing called Breed Rescue, there will be a number for Bichon Frise, if you search. These are nice little dogs, an outside kennel would not be ideal.
No way should you be expected to have a dog in your home, your cat is your priority. Neither should the dog become a virtual prisoner in your daughter's room, we're not talking teddy bears here !
Dogs Trustwill advise you, if necessary.
Your daughter needs to get a grip !

It seems pretty impractical to have a dog as a young person and saving for a mortgage.